* i'm looking for something, but i don’t know what that something is. starting to wonder how much further i want to dig inside, sometimes not much. it is an impossible question. it will haunt me till the end... other times; i want to go deeper than imaginable, which is impossible. or is it? a dilemma, when do we give up? what will make us go further?
what if that thing i seek so desperately does not exist? or what if it does and when i find it there is regret? what if it was all a misperception i had on life? what if it was my end?
the end?
no, i don't think so... let's continue.
twisting, falling, and tumbling downward. *thump*, i landed on a cold blue tinged concrete floor, i'm bruised and bleeding. i looked upward from where i came and saw light, bright white light. the reminence of something happening was evident from the dust wandering through these rays of light. when i manage to get up, i stand there questioning what has just happened. i realize there was no reason, i just fell. now there i am, in a dark cold pit where nothing else lives but me. just me. only me
but wait, there's something there! it's not present, yet it is there. it dances around me in endless circles remaining invisible, but i can feel it. i know it's there so i look for it and sure enough, when you look hard enough you find what you're looking for.
contemplation sets in. i take in all i can until i cannot stand it anymore. i feel sick and twisted, unable to construct solid thoughts. everything's moving around me too quickly, everything, which is nothing, because i am actually alone.
I, am alone. i realize i am alone. my head tilts back and the wings i've acquired are forced downwards as i dive upwards. my eye's burn as a layer of dust forms upon them, i ascend with discomfort. warmth overcomes the cold darkness, something doesn't feel right. it's so warm. things get uncomfortable.
i turn as i get closer to that light. without cowering i descend back into Your pit. i descend immediately after my battle with what i was looking for. and i land on a cold concrete floor, beaten and bruised, bleeding.
