My chief interest is alleviating the suffering of people stigmatized by public scorn and ridicule because they are unable to answer the questions that have eluded them for so long. I also want to find something that will make the pigeons leave me alone; they are hell on my hair.
The Rock and Roll Answer Man needs only to meet your rock and roll questions. A few examples are as follows:Question 1: Is Rock and Roll really the devil's music, and if so, will he ever want it back? Answer 1: I doubt the devil would ever want Rock and Roll back. Today’s Rock has no connection to the Rock and Roll that the devil used to traumatize 1950’s America. Besides, even if he wanted it back, he couldn’t do more harm to it than Journey (after the first album), or Phil Collins (any album).Question 2: Jimi Hendrix sang a song called “The Wind Cries Mary”. Is it possible for the wind to cry any other name? Answer 2: Not a chance; Mary was the wind's one and only. She lived near a glacial lake during the Pleistocene period. Her hair was so golden and pure, that when light from the setting sun would reflect off it, it gave the illusion of fountains of translucent waters. Over time wind became distracted and then dejected when he realized that his love for this creature would go forever unrequited. It was soon after this that wind started knocking things down.Question 3: The Beatles “White Album” has a song called “The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill”. What stories of Bungalow Bill preceded this one, and why were there no songs written about them? Answer 3: There were several songs written about Bungalow Bill’s early exploits, but they were about a time he was working as a male prostitute in Abilene. As a consequence they were deemed inappropriate to include on the “White Album”. However, since a song detailing the difficulties of being a pimp had recently won an academy award, demand to release these lost Beatle songs has grown.Question 4: Does the Steppenwolf song “Born To Be Wild” prove the theory that nature is more important then nurture? Answer 4: Not in all cases; lions and tigers are born to be wild, but they can be easily trained. On the other hand, George Thorogood was born “Bad to the Bone” and no amount of nurturing will ever change that.
Music is under attack by evil, corporate entities that are attempting to use it as a means of manipulating our minds into blind obedience to a mysterious beast that oddly, resembles a really big goat. The Rock and Roll Answer Man asks you all to join hands (not literally of course – I’m all for solidarity, but I’ve been around enough musicians to know not to touch them) in standing up for independent music.