Mr_Bateman profile picture

Mr_Bateman

I like my women like my tea - lukewarm and bitter

About Me

I finally got my site ... non-embarrassing, although anyone with a shred of web design experience will wonder how I could possibly *not* be embarrassed about it. I do all the coding in notepad on Windows or vi on BSD, so it will always be simplistic, but I promise to try to spruce it up some. As for my bio....My passion is mischief; I'm a gigantic pain in the ass. I'm constantly up to something, especially in those rare moments I'm quiet. When I smile or giggle my wife looks at me and takes a step backwards. Half the people I insult have no idea that they've just been insulted, it's becoming something of an art form. And by the way, avoiding unecessary nastiness is part of the art.Beyond that I'm old. 30. I'm a guy, quite sure of that much, although I'm not the big masculine type. I live in West Hollywood and work in networking for a bitchin little tech company in Santa Monica.I don't label myself goth even though that's by far my favorite subculture. In fact I think that if you can answer the question, "What are you?" definitively with one word then you need to get out more. I'm straight but I like living in such a gay area. It makes me giggle and it keeps the conservatives out. If you are religious fine, just keep that crap away from me, I'm a recovering Catholic. If not I'll say mean things to you like, "I hope you bump your knee".I'm my own biggest fan (mainly because no one else wanted the job)
....

My Interests

Oh tons of stuff. Hmm, let me narrow that down a bit. Convoluted attempts at world domination Unix Being BRUTALLY honest to smug people and gleefully watching the fallout Being honest but less brutal with people I actually like Cats, both big and small Dogs Carnitas burrittos intelligent conversation scientific method Taoism saying "woot woot" because it annoys people :) world of warcraft music - everything from Mozart to Mindless Self Indulgence. Fuck Country. Girls with non-girlie tattoos in non-girlie places vi (geeks of the world unite!) MMA/BJJ Chaos. Living in West Hollywood where you can get Tai food at 4am from a waiter in shorts with a bad attitude

I'd like to meet:

Oh I like meeting all sorts of non-hillbilly people. Famous people typically do nothing for me, which means when I see someone famous (usually in a Starbucks) I look for an extra second or two then go about my business. I guess I'd like to meet Gyneth Paltrow and tell her to stop fucking sneering in all of her interviews. What does the air up there stink?People I DON'T want to meet include people who:

    can't write 3 words in a row without a spelling/grammar mistake. Yes, I care.flex in their bio. ::GAG::try to convert me. Piss off, I'm hopeless.are constantly looking for fights or to show off how tough they are. You know the type, they want a pitbull and are always waiting for a guy to look them in the eye so they can start a fight. God, didn't you graduate high school yet? Booooring.say things in their bio like, "I like fun". What are you daft? Who the fuck doesn't you vapid twit?

Music:

Everything from Mozart to Mindless Self Indulgence, but mostly more to the MSI side. I love industrial, or whatever new label you want to toss around the Funker Vogt type of stuff. Fuck country. I already said this damnit. PAY ATTENTION.

Movies:

Oooh I like movies. Really bad ones. If you sit me down in front of a shitty movie I can complain about it for days, which is more fun than actually watching a good movie. I have my limits though. NOTHING WITH BEN AFFLECK.

Television:

Cancelled cable a long time ago, but I miss Southpark and The Daily Show.

Books:

I'm a bookworm so I bounce around a lot. The Art of War is a fav. Anything from Carl Sagan rocks. Cheesy fantasy novels are a guilty pleasure of mine. Tech books for work. Taoist books too, they help keep me sane.

Heroes:

I'd say Peter North but I already met him.
Crow T Robot
Whatever maniac thought of putting cheese in a can.

My Blog

Britney Spears was never really hot

How is it that a girl can be so high up on the jerk-meter without being hot?  Well, I'm glad you asked.  Britney Spears has made a career exploiting the "youth loophole", and how.  Add ...
Posted by Mr_Bateman on Tue, 11 Sep 2007 01:01:00 PST

My Kryptonite

I found my Kryptonite yesterday.  Me and the Liza walked up the street to enjoy an early dinner at the Mexican place on Sunset and Gardner.  It was a nice sunny 5pm so we sat out back on the...
Posted by Mr_Bateman on Mon, 06 Aug 2007 10:23:00 PST

Zombie holocaust = the key to perpetual motion

It occurred to me that a zombie plague may be great for the environment.  Not just in the mass destruction of humanity, but because we would no longer need to burn fossil fuels - zombies are the ...
Posted by Mr_Bateman on Fri, 29 Jun 2007 12:11:00 PST

Slow walkers ... bad fucks

I made it to work today in 10 minutes, without even blowing the red light leading to the street our office is on (damn thing takes a year).  I was pretty stoked (it's the little things you know),...
Posted by Mr_Bateman on Fri, 29 Jun 2007 04:30:00 PST

Building data centers is ... farking hard

I've long been in the networking field (late '99), but like many of my brethren, I never did the physical work.  This was a mistake, and it inhibited a deeper understanding of networks.  Als...
Posted by Mr_Bateman on Mon, 18 Jun 2007 07:44:00 PST

People seem to fall where they should after all...

I've always been pretty sensitive to people's circumstances, but I'm starting to see more people around me that just plain old deserve to be where they are.  We were in Virginia a couple of weeks...
Posted by Mr_Bateman on Tue, 05 Jun 2007 07:04:00 PST

Jesus Christ the pain...

Every now and again I get bored.  More restless I suppose since I'm so volatile that even my relaxing tends to entail more effort than serene and Socratic contemplation.  At any rate, on tho...
Posted by Mr_Bateman on Tue, 01 May 2007 09:37:00 PST

You are not what you own, shut up about your BMW

I'm constantly baffled by people who brag about their possessions.  This includes, but is not limited to:Cars/MotorcyclesHousesBoatsComputersIf you have so few accomplishments behind you and so l...
Posted by Mr_Bateman on Tue, 13 Mar 2007 11:46:00 PST

A new focus, re-wiring the brain to win

I seem to have lost focus for a couple of weeks.  My training ground to a halt, which is a nasty kind of thing since it means getting my face mashed in.  I blame the holidays.  Basicall...
Posted by Mr_Bateman on Wed, 07 Feb 2007 11:20:00 PST

Stop trying to be my fucking friend

This one goes out to the doctors, dentists, vendors, salesmen (which may be a metatag for the previous categories), and anyone else I'm trying to get some service from.  I don't need you as a fri...
Posted by Mr_Bateman on Thu, 01 Feb 2007 10:47:00 PST