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What about me? The best thing that I have done in my life is to produce 2 GREAT, talented,wonderful, beautiful Kids. MARRIELD BERRY is the best daughter any mom could ever hope for. She is my best friend. Without her my world would end. She has gotten herself a scholarship to UC Santa Cruz. She did it on her own without my help. Well, I guess that I helped by being a "TOTAL LOOSER", but that is a story that I will blog about sometime. She is so very beautiful, I can look at her for hours in wonder. Let me digress for a moment. It is really too bad that when we are in our 20s we don't realize that this is it. This is the time in your life that you look your best. From this time on we will be fighting nature. GROWING OLD SUCKS! IT IS NOT FOR THE WEAK. OK enough of that. Her body is like a fine tuned machine. She has a 6 pack, and I don't mean beer! She can run cross country, miles and miles without stopping. I can walk a mile or two if it becomes a necessity, say perhaps I run out of gas, but my daughter can run 5 miles without even thinking about it. She goes to the gym every day. I went with her twice in one week, after which I went to an old Chinese massage therapist (another story to blog about). I was unable to move for a week. I could profess my adoration for pages but due to the attention span and interest of most of you I will stop here. I forgot to mention just one more of her many attributes. She is the funniest and most entertaining person I have ever met. This can create major problems for her. She has found a way to make tons of money without having to compromise her values.... well sort of. I took my kids to places where "CLOTHING WAS OPTIONAL" many times when they were growing up. I wanted them to feel good about their bodies and not have some of the major "issues" that I grew up fighting. I wanted them to realize that THEIR BODIES ARE A GIFT FROM GOD AND NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF! SHE NOW HAS A "POLE IN HER HOUSE". This is not the outcome that I was shooting for, but she is VERY CREATIVE! Then there is my son CASWELL BERRY. Caswell is my pride and joy. He can skateboard, he can fly on his skateboard. That is why he is a pro. He has spent most of his life skateboarding. It is his passion, his fun, his job. I guess for Caswell, SKATEBOARDING IS LIFE. He has seen most of this world because he is one of the best. I live with him and I see him with his box of boards, his luggage and his assorted electronic "toys" that he takes with him to keep sane. He spends at least 1/2 of the year on planes and in hotel rooms in various places throughout the world. He really hates to fly, but he does it because he loves to skate. He will not compromise his values, and he really doesn't like the competitive aspect of the sport. I think he feels that the commercialism takes away the pure joy of skating. And Skateboarding is what he loves. Caswell will not make anyone feel less than or uncomfortable. He is so very kind that most of the bums at the local 7-11 know him by name, and the cool thing is, that he also knows their names. They know he will always buy them a cup of coffee and a pack of smokes. He truly cares about people, and is so very sensitive. I have seen his pain, and unfortunately through my addiction I have caused a great deal of it. He has been my inspiration and the main reason I have chosen to stop doing meth. The horrible situations that he was inadvertently placed in because of my drug use were so totally unacceptable. This is the biggest regret I have in my life. I am so very sorry for the HELL THAT I CREATED FOR MY KIDS. I am seeing the problems that they have now, that I created with my amphetamine use, abuse, and addiction. Addiction surely and completely destroys trust, self esteem, and ones value. It does this not only for the addict, but for those who love the addict. I made the drug into my reason for living, and throughout the process, hurt my children deeply. If it were possible I would give anything to erase these mistakes and give my children back their pure innocence. To be able to give them back their joy and security in knowing that I will always be there for them no matter what. I have robbed them of the simple beliefs that their home is a beautiful safe place that will be there for them in times of trouble. So much so that he avoids many social situations. This can be very hard for him because I see his discomfort and struggles. OK..I am always ALWAYS late. I really want you to know that I don't mean to be. Its not that I feel your time is less valuable than mine, because I don't. I am just late.Shhhhh(Let me tell you a secret) If you want me to be on time, tell me to be there 1/2 hour before the actual time. I still haven't figured out that I am fooling myself with this one! I'm late because along the way to where ever it is that I am going I will see something shiny, something pretty, someone who needs help, or I will get lost. LIFE IS AMAZING TO ME!
