The University of Kentucky profile picture

The University of Kentucky

About Me

I require campouts for basketball games. Sometimes I like to go to Louisville and taunt the students about their basketball team. I am the breeding ground for Kentucky's top Pre-Meds. Other SEC schools want to be me. I like to keep in touch with all my former students and do so by mailing approximately 200 fundraising letters to every alum each year. I am the only school worth attending in the South. I love watching my professors on CSPAN, my athletes on ESPN and my alumni on seemingly every existing reality TV show. I love winning NCAA Basketball Championships (I have 7 already, but want 7 more), Fulbrights and Rhodes Scholarships (I know LSU and Tennessee, you have no idea what that means).


My Interests

Beating the University of Florida, Louisville and Tennessee. Drinking Bourbon. Two Keys Tavern. Tolly Ho. Best Looking Student Body in the Country.

I'd like to meet:


Undergrads, grads, postdocs, professors, and alums ... all who have walked in the shadow of Patterson Office Tower, cheered in the E-RUPP-TION Zone, marched down Euclid with their graduation class, crammed at WT Young, daydreamed in Whitehall, flirted at Two Keys, streaked down Woodland, taken back the night, strutted the walk of shame, missed the last bus to Richmond, run laps around Nutter Field House by day, hooked up in Kirwan Tower by night, road-tripped to Knoxville, made fun of someone for living on north campus, retreated to Lake Cumberland, and watched the sunrise above Commonwealth Stadium...Rich white kids with collar-flipped lacoste shirts, pretty blonde girls in SUV's. All Wildcats. Alum and Fans. People that keep it real with the Blue and White. However, I'm mostly interested in prospective students who are middle-upper class, are probably white (or can pretend to be ethnic or foreign enough to help boost our "diversity" image).

Music:

On, on, U of K, we are right for the fight today, Hold that ball and hit that line; Ev'ry Wildcat star will shine; We'll fight, fight, fight, for the blue and white As we roll to that goal, Varsity, And we'll kick, pass and run, 'till the battle is won, And we'll bring home the victory.

Movies:

Glory Road

Television:

ESPN, ESPN 2, ESPN Classic, ESPN U, WKYT, Lincoln Financial Sports Network