Simon. The Shaman & Kiosk Vender profile picture

Simon. The Shaman & Kiosk Vender

But doctor, I am Pagliacci.

About Me

Greetings weary interweb traveller and welcome. Who can say what has bought you here on your journey across the blasted hinterland of the soul otherwise known as myspace. Fate? The search for answers to the big questions in life (which I know but won't be telling) or a simple attempt to get away from all the fringes and tight trousers out there? Anyway that's enough trying to sound like that guy with the beard off Knightmare ("Enter Stranger"!). Hello, my name is Simon like what it says elsewhere on this profile. Unless of course it isn't and I am an ape that has been trained to use myspace as some sort of top secret social experiment conceived by government scientists to prove something or other about the interweb and it's inherent evil. Sadly that's not the case, it would be great if it was though wouldn't it? So yes, I am a quater of a century old although my taste in most things seems to have stalled somewhere around twelve as the worryingly long lists elsewhere indicate.Now we've established I'm not anything as exciting as a sentient primate or a robot (a fact that haunts my every waking moment) feel free to sod off or stick around to observe my mind gradually collapse in on itself in a sea of directionless fury and caffeine induced nausea, which sounds like it could be rather fun eh?If you're actually interested in the largely pointless and infuriating details of my day to day existance feel free to peruse my blogs (the interweb equivalent of a tramp shouting at the rain) for an overview of the complex and easily startled animal that is me with slightly fewer references to monkeys and 80's telly.I edited my profile with Thomas' Myspace Editor V4.4 I'm legally obliged to put that last bit.

My Interests

Toast. Sweet, sweet caffeine. The combining of these with sitting on my sofa. For other distractions from my all consuming inner rage see frighteningly long lists lurking elsewhere.

I'd like to meet:


..
adopt your own virtual pet!Do you see what I've done here? I am a genius, I know

The world's greatest living thinker. "Women are different from us Earl, we're men and they're not. They're women..." One day all humanity will take a lead from his wisdom.

Go here now please. I'll know if you don't and I'll do bad, bad things to you. Not nice bad things either, the kind you'd derive perverse pleasure from you sick fucks. Oh no. Terrible things. Things that would make hearing a thousand fingernails dragged across a thousand black boards for eternity seem like sleeping on a water bed full of chocolate mousse.Look just go to the page ok.

Praise Christ!! Let's Go!!

Music:

In no particular order: Thursday, Thrice, Fordirelifesake, Boysetsfire, Misery Signals, Coheed and Cambria, Iron Maiden, Metallica, In Flames, Mastodon, The Blood Brothers, Meat Loaf (and YOU love him too, why do you keep fooling yourself? Let Loaf in), AFI, Killswitch Engage, Atreyu, Moneen, He is Legend, Hit the Lights, 3 inches of blood, Foo Fighters, My Chemical Romance (because I am a 14 year old girl) Funeral for a Friend, Norma Jean, Saosin, Rage Against the Machine, DEFTONES, Tool, A Perfect Circle, NIN, Devil Sold His Soul, Rise Against, System of a Down, Weezer, Bon Jovi (and you love them too, Just admit it), Aerosmith, JOURNEY, 18 visions, Fall of Troy, Misfits, At the Drive-in, Mars Volta, Million Dead,REM, Radiohead, Muse, Every single song from the Mighty Boosh. That's more than enough to be going on with. Oh and not forgetting the Bear song.

Movies:

Transformers, Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, My Neighbour Totoro, Pom Poko, The Cat Returns, Porco Rosso, Howl's Moving Castle, Mirrormask, Batman, Batman Returns, Batman Begins, Star Wars, LOTR, Indiana Jones, Nightmare Berfore Christmas, Corpse Bride, Labyrinth, Willow, Charlie & The Chocolate Factory, Monty Python films, Shaun of the Dead, Final Fantasy: Advent Children looks pretty but the game was better because it made drug dealers cry. Anyone who disagees with me is an arse.

Television:

Spaced, Black Books, Mighty Boosh, Peep Show, Mitchell and Webb,Blackadder, Alan Partridge, The Office, Extras, Scrubs, Nathan Barley, Lost, 24, Transformers, Fawlty Towers, The IT Crowd, The Simpsons, Futurama, Family Guy, American Dad, The faintly naff tv series of Neverwhere from back when I was at school, all the rubbish I watched as a child that warped me so severely (mainly cartoons & wildlife documentaries then) This.

Books:

Neil Gaiman (can do no wrong), George R R Martin, China Mieville. I adore everything I've read by these three. As for others well Jeff Vandermeer, Neal Stephenson, Ian R. Macleod, Mark Gatiss, Dan Simmons and Hal Duncan have all put out books that I've really enjoyed. As for comics, weeeellll.... Bear (oh how I do love Bear!), Sandman, Watchmen, Fables, Serenity Rose, Hellboy, B.P.R.D, Preacher, Top Ten, V for Vendetta, Transmetropolitan, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, JTHM, Squee, I luv Halloween, 30 days of Night, Peanuts, Amazing Screw on Head, to name a few.

Heroes:

Jamie Smart, Neil Gaiman, Optimus Prime, China Mieville, Simon Pegg, Hayao Miyazaki, George R R Martin, Bob Fossil.

My Blog

The Man Who Was Thursday

Oh Friday. Will you ever let me win??On recent form the answer is a crushing "Fuck off". Still this morning and its attendant murderous rage are behind me and once again Sarah Palin is here to enterta...
Posted by Simon. The Shaman & Kiosk Vender on Sun, 26 Oct 2008 05:47:00 PST

And Another Thing!!

First Amazing Sebastian Pain Adventure!!Do you remeber this?? I barely do. Never mind.Mild mannered financial whizz Sebastian Payne is innocently bunking off at work trying to download both Doom and ...
Posted by Simon. The Shaman & Kiosk Vender on Sun, 26 Oct 2008 05:43:00 PST

Cheer Up Goth!!

The world is still a terrible place.I am still a ruined husk of human being.None of this matters since I have had the best idea since my last silly and possibly offensive idea. Huzzah!!Much like Rowli...
Posted by Simon. The Shaman & Kiosk Vender on Fri, 17 Oct 2008 09:22:00 PST

Somethings simply shouldnt happen.

Teehee. Sarah Palin huh?? Look at her funny beehive and glasses and that. What a character. And Vice President maybe? Isn't the world stupid??Yeah I know. Palin again. Why don't we just get a room (an...
Posted by Simon. The Shaman & Kiosk Vender on Wed, 15 Oct 2008 05:35:00 PST

Actually on the telly this morning!!

Informative item on BBC Breakfast about male pattern baldness (we'll need our hair once we've burnt all our worthless currency to stay warm this winter. What?? Why did you think Rasputin looked like t...
Posted by Simon. The Shaman & Kiosk Vender on Mon, 13 Oct 2008 02:25:00 PST

What’s the deal with that internet then??

Is it just a giant heap of porn and stolen copyrighted intellectual property or the last free haven of artistic thought and expression?? It's a big question but now, finally, we have an answer:Jamie h...
Posted by Simon. The Shaman & Kiosk Vender on Sat, 11 Oct 2008 06:43:00 PST

From the Front Line

Hello.Obviously I am not a balanced man. I will not demean you by pretending otherwise. Usually my willfully offensive writing is a a jolly way for me to blow off steam by picking on easy targets and ...
Posted by Simon. The Shaman & Kiosk Vender on Fri, 10 Oct 2008 01:43:00 PST

Lets save David Blaine!! (using unimaginable cruelty)

Take a moment to look out the window. What do you see?? Trees. The sky. Houses. Mugging. Of course not. Like me you see a world that has gone terrifyingly to shit. However it is vital we stop and thin...
Posted by Simon. The Shaman & Kiosk Vender on Tue, 07 Oct 2008 04:40:00 PST

Naked, Blue, Radioactive David Cameron.

I Hate David Cameron. Hardly surprising is it?? I hate lots of things and the easier it is to hate something the more likely I am to hate it because I am lazy. However with David Cameron my hate ...
Posted by Simon. The Shaman & Kiosk Vender on Fri, 03 Oct 2008 07:54:00 PST

The Sarah Palins Kids Name Game!!

Because it's just too fucking easy!! As we all know and are snobbishly amused by, Sarah Palin's son is named Track. Because she likes Track and Field sport (presumably chasing athletes in a plane unti...
Posted by Simon. The Shaman & Kiosk Vender on Mon, 29 Sep 2008 08:32:00 PST