Look, um a 30 sumthin web/grafx designer, i lived a fuct up life, drank n druggd most of it. i'm from pittsburgh and i came to philly to get sober. i've done more drugs than you (that's not to brag, drugs fukn ruined my life) and I'll put it out there too. Um spiritual yet violently anti-religious. I was designed for accomplishment..., engineered for success and endowed with the seeds of greatness, by my creator.
it amazes me that women want men to accept them for who they are, all their flaws (as they see them) and yet, i constant throw ppl off to test them as see what they're about. i can be so much greater than i allow myself to be. i hate mirrors, and yet alow people to hold them up to me. i see myself in others, and vice versa. everything in life is a lesson, mistakes are required and repeated untill learned. Learning never ends, your answers lie within you. What you make of your life is up to you. When your time to die comes, die with grace, die knowing you lived life to the fullest, be the first to jump off a bridge, go sky-diving, snorkel, ski, sk8, mountain climb, go camping, catch something on fire. do something that is worth mentioning, and not just remembered. my life consists of a dash between dates on a tombstone not yet engraved.
I'm a zombie 1 month out of the year, at eastern state penn, and i luv it. I make people piss themselves literally! And why not, it fits me, as an alcoholic, I became the greatest of actors. It was my job to either get you to like me or hate me, and I'm good at it. I hang in center city on south or rittenhouse with a guitar & a coffee. i don't fit in anywhere. um lost. um too xtreme for anybody, um a nut. i laugh at everybody and their "views". i can have more fun sober, than anyone can drunk! I'm free in ways others cannot fathom. it is not untill we loose everything that we are free to do anything. i watch sunsets. seriously, watch them.. i like to study dreams, the link between the subconscious, and the supernatural...its my dark past which holds the key to my future. experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
i only watch cartoons or movies, or documentaries. yes, i made this background, yes i made my animations and videos, didn't you read, its what i do...asshole... i love to watch fires, um like a deer in headlights. i play the guitar in my sleep. i'm fascinated by highway accidents. i hide in cemeteries, there quiet (n ppl don't go there) since i live in Frankford - hey at least it's not Kensington. I walk my neighborhood in flipflops. gunshots help me sleep. STOP SHOOTING COPS. i can't stand crackheads, or winos or bums...
i write stupid poems, and come up with bizarre anctidotes such as: reading the history of the world to see how it ends. i have an IQ of 168, which make me twice as smart as the average fucker, yet cannot remember last week. [if only I could remember what Athazagoraphobia means.] i design t-shirts most ppl wouldn't wear, like "Virginia Tech Sniper Squad" in an echo target logo.. i don't own a gun cause i cant figure out if id rather shoot others, or myself??
i dress in black cause i don't care enough to try n match. i like jumping off things. people have said my personality is: Animated. i lost my license in a 90 day suspension 5 years ago. septa sux, but i use it. i think philly's lame, beat and boring. i do like the fact that there are murals painted everywhere and the little thug fukers respect that and do not tag em. things are really old and decrepid here. i go to shows (and remember em now-mostly). i don't know what i want. i want to be wanted. I've been told "You are fun naked!" {giggity} i like to cuddle. I'm afraid of dying alone.
my family disowned me - well sort of. i miss the hell out of my brother in kalifornia, i pray he's ok. the last time i saw my niece mayakla, she was 2 hours old. (she's 2yrs now) my sister said, "if i ever come around them high again she'd kill me" - it destroys me that i allowed drugs to ruin my life!!! my nieces don't know who i am, um just that fun guy with the colored hair. i'm an embarrassment to the family... The black sheep!
(update: i'm now uncle weirdo - which is soooo much better than "That Guy?" !!!
i burn myself to see how long it takes before the pain of living subsides. i steal (little) things from my friends to remind me of how much i love them. i go out of my way (these days)to help people. i'd rather shop at the thrift sore. i'm the only one i know that walks down kensington ave with a "hookers" shirt on. being punk used to be making our own style. i rebel at rebelling, and anything i can. {MILLHOUSE} i'm sick and tired of complaining already ~ i need to do something!!!
my goal in life is to be a beach bum, but all the beaches are filled with stinkin tourists. i can crack people the fuk up. i can t spel wurf shite... my favorite food is fast. i'm confused.
i'm tired of trying to impress people, they're just putin up a front anyhow, so what's the point? chances are, i don't like you anyway. i love tattoos n fear needles, yet i wuz a heroin addict. i contradict myself. i don't think, or havn't been labeled bi-polar or anything, but i often change my mood on the whim. i luv acting as silly as i can.
i have real friends, for the first time in my life. i found god in a double shot of rat poison i injected into my veins (dam and it wasn't all the acid i ate?). i should be dead tenFold. i pray for people. i mourn my own death. i often sit on a tombstone with my name on it. i don't know what i'm talking about most the time.
i act out for attention, sorry, but i enjoy being liked, it's not the best way, but it's how i react (that's usually why i hate my self). i hide under laugher to disguise my melancholy.
i let fears ruin me, and strive to change that. other than phobias, i'm afraid of what people think of me, what i think of myself, loosing what i have & not getting what i want. fear runs my life, from it stem all forms of envy, jealousy, resentments, anger, false pride, lust, selfishness, laziness, dishonesty, guilt, shame & self pity. i wish i were, and strive to be with practice, more altruistic, forgiving, humble, contempt, trusting, honest, loving, grateful, self respective, but it's difficult. i suppose my disposition is rather negative, and i hate myself for that too. i'm not perfect, but who is? at least i have the balls to admit this shit fuckoz.
i often wonder why/how stupid people breed. i hate hospitals, it reimprints the fact that someday i am going to die. apartheid is common. i'm a chameleon, i can adapt to anything. often i'm better than i think of myself. icy hot burns when applied to the asshole. i have to push myself not to be lazy. my mouth get me in more trouble than my dik. now i'm tired. who the hell is going to read this anyhow? tell you what, if you do, mail me and i'll give you five bux!!!
dammit ~ i owe: a few ppl now...
it's just another queer hustle in a world full of bummers that'll swarm you every time if you don't keep movin...............
