One day, an atheist was walking along a cliff when he slipped and fell over the edge. As he plunged downwards he managed to grab the branch of a small tree that was growing from a crevice in the rock. Hanging there, swaying in the cold wind, he realized how helpless his position was. Far below were jagged boulders and there was no way to climb up. His grip on the branch was weakening every second. "Well," he thought, "only God can save me now. I have never believed in God but I might be wrong. What have I to lose?" So he called out, "God, if you exist, save me, and I will believe in you." There was no answer. He called again, "Please God, I never believed in you, but if you will save me now, I will believe in you from now on!" Suddenly a great voice boomed down from the clouds, "Oh no you won't, I know your kind." The man was so surprised, he almost lost his grip on the branch. "Please God, you are wrong. I really mean it; I will believe." "Oh no you won't. That's what they all say." The man pleaded and argued. Finally God said, "Alright, I will save you. Let go of the branch." "Let go of the branch!" the man exclaimed. "Do you think I am crazy?""""A Jewish synagogue was collecting money for a new building for the synagogue - the old one was rotten and was falling apart. They were doing everything that can be done to collect more money. They had sold lottery tickets and then the lottery was opened, and the president of the community declared the third prize: it was a beautiful TV set, and the man who got it was very happy. Then he declared the second prize - of course, the man whose name was declared was hoping for something like a Cadillac, Impala, Mercedes, something like that. But when he came the president gave him a small box. He immediately opened it - mm? - he was puzzled as to what was there in the box. And there was nothing much: chocolates, cookies. He said, "What is this? You must have forgotten, you must have misplaced something. For the third prize you have given a TV set - and second prize, just cookies? This is nonsense!" The president said, "You don't understand it: the rabbi's wife herself has prepared it for you." The man was annoyed. He said, "Screw the rabbi's wife!" The president said, "That's the first prize."""""
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