Lyrics
there's too much to say, too much to type out.....i am an art major, well- rounded, very honest...all the above.... everyday i see myself, slowly fading away...what's left of this rotten soul? is there still hope? sinking deeper down, into the hole of death...no release, no freedom...just an ending to a worthless life...what becomes of me? will i be missed? have my eyes blinded me from the truth? or am i just being paranoid?"I feel like a defective model, like I came off the assembly line flat-out fucked and my parents should have taken me back for repairs before the warranty ran out. But that was so long ago.I start to think there really is no cure for depression, that happiness is an ongoing battle, and I wonder if it isn't one I'll have to fight for as long as I live. I wonder if it's worth it. I start to feel like I can't maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong.Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don't know."In death, realizing what was lost in your life, realizing what was left behind, all the unfufilling things i have yet to accomplish, no one with me, i am alone here in this world, death is the only answer, in death i will not merely just die in this world, but be reborn again in another, another life, another chance to fix what i never fixed here in this life, change the person i once became and make it better, more likable, more free....sitting by the ocean, feeling the breeze hit my face, stinging a little, but enjoyable, yes, burying my fingers in the sand feeling it go between my fingers, watching the sky, the sun setting, the clouds dancing back and forth, turning darker as the hours go by, but who's keeping track? i am free, finally, this is my world, i am happy, i lay my head back and glance up at the stars, so brightly beaming they are...i close my eyes and i am relaxed, i could lay here forever...i am still alone, but maybe that's how it's supposed to be, i am too much even for myself, to handle me would be neverending chaos...all by myself is the only happiness i will have to suffice...in my world, in my head, that's how it is, i hate myself though, for these thoughts will never pass, why do i deny? even the cards tell me it's so, i guess it's something that i will have to deal with....i suppose that's all i can do, deal with it, right? i do have deep feelings for some people, but they don't share that feeling...i quit trying, that's the best answer i can give myself...i am a changed person, not the crazy raving psycho i used to be, that's all in the past, now i am just numb inside and just insane...only in my thinking, my thoughts are endless....But in this deep whole of a world, is you, the driven, the one who keeps me moving on, i am life, you provide my sanctuary, determination, i am free, you hold my soul, lightly, carefully, i am nothing, without you, you are the one, the one that holds the key, the key to my oblivion......
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