Captain Jack Sparrow

Me? I'm dishonest. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honeslty. Its the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly… stupid. But then I can always use the French word parley. Did you come here because you want to turn pirate yourself, is that it? Well then, I confess, it is my intention to raid, pillage, plunder, and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out. Can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not? Is there any profit in it for me? We can commandeer (nautical term) a ship of the fleet and then sail with a buccaneer crew out of Tortuga. I once disappeared from under the noses of 4 agents of the East India Trading Company. I was once marooned on a god forsaken spit of land by a mutinous fist mate, but I escaped by roping sea turtles with human hair from my back, but that was after the natives there made me their chief. Some saye I was there for only a grand total of three days and bargained for passage with rum-runners. They saye that cause I love rum, not all treasure is silver and gold mate. I also like to: Cut open bodices (especially in Singapore)! Berthing my ship the Black Pearl at the dreaded Isla de Muerta, an island that cannot be found except by those who know where it is. Checking gold statues to see what sex they are. Swashbuckling eunuch blacksmiths, her majesty's royal navy and the cursed. I love weddings, drinks all-around. Drinking in Tortuga where no man would ever feel unwanted. Not being slapped by Ginger and Giselle. Borrowing sinking boats from black women. Using eunuch blacksmiths as leverage. Not sailing all by me onesy, savvy? Now bring me that horizon.