Jess profile picture

Jess

GROW HOOF, GROW!!!

About Me

I'm a nerd in hipster clothing. I find proper grammar, punctuation and spelling to be a huge turn on. I believe that clever satire can coexist peacefully with dick and fart jokes. Homer Simpson is a man ahead of his time. My sister thinks one of my favorite activities is impressing people with my knowledge of obscure alternative bands. I hate Oprah. Sleeping on bedding dried on the clothesline in summer is probably the closest to heaven I'll ever get.
This is my blog: I was told there would be bacon. Read it, and I'm sure you'll feel much better about your own life.

My Interests

music. beer. satire. bacon. basketball. football. baseball. snarkiness. boobies. social justice. yoga. tattoos. gin. books. sarcasm. politics. bands.

I'd like to meet:

People who don't suck and who also like beer.

Music:

South. Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Bright Eyes. Ryan Adams. Longwave. Broken Social Scene. Harry and The Potters. Pete Yorn. Loretta Lynn. Moving Units. THE SLATS! Elbow. Sigur Ros. Prince. Faultline. Rahsaan Patterson. I Am Kloot. BRMC. The Hopefuls. Apostle of Hustle. Beth Orton. The Music. Stereophonics. Interpol. The Coral. Blur. Marty Robbins. Mint Condition. Badly Drawn Boy. The Stills. Arcade Fire. Snow Patrol. Radiohead. Jeff Buckley. Kings of Leon. Outkast. Dr. Dre. Mogwai. The Roots. A Tribe Called Quest. Eagles of Death Metal. Vicious Vicious. Franz Ferdinand. U2. Editors. Johnny Cash. Queens of the Stone Age. Doves. Joy Division. Gomez. Idlewild. Trail of Dead. The Strokes. The White Stripes. The Soviettes. West Indian Girl. stellastarr*. Bloc Party. The New Pornographers. Spoon. Dresden Dolls. Feist. Neko Case.

Movies:

Sixteen Candles. The Commitments. Purple Rain. The Usual Suspects. Real Genius. The Lost Boys. Better Off Dead. Napolean Dynamite. Star Wars. Empire Strikes Back. LOTR Triolgy. Weird Science. Garden State. Coming to America.

Television:

The Simpsons. Family Guy. Anything on Food Network. The Daily Show. Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Sealab 2021. Absolutely Fabulous. My Name Is Earl. Home Movies. Law and Order. The Boondocks. NewsRadio. Arrested Development.

Books:

Reading is hard!

Heroes:

Paul Wellstone, Batgirl

My Blog

There can be only one blog.

I've decided to consolidate and do my blogging here: http://iwastoldtherewouldbebacon.blogspot.com/. Should you feel so inclined, go ahead and read it. ...
Posted by Jess on Fri, 16 Jun 2006 04:18:00 PST

Observed.

Last night (Monday) at Lake Calhoun, around 6:10 p.m. I was probably half of the way around the lake when I saw this older guy (he looked to be about my dad's age, so 60ish) on the bike/skate path. He...
Posted by Jess on Tue, 13 Jun 2006 07:43:00 PST

This is why I hate sharing an office.

One of the guys is in my office working on the other computer here for some reason or another and just farted. Do that shit in your own office. Hahahahahahahahaha. GROSS.
Posted by Jess on Mon, 12 Jun 2006 01:55:00 PST

The end of an era.

I just got a phone call from my sister. It seems that my days of free pork are coming to an end. It's so sad. My dad called her to ask if his children would like to split a hog. It's $120 or $40 each....
Posted by Jess on Mon, 12 Jun 2006 10:24:00 PST

It all makes sense now.

The Crazy Dinkytown Lady, who hangs out at the bus stop with the Litter Patrol Man, walked by me as I was waiting for the bus yesterday. She was reading a book: Chicken Soup for the Cat Lover's Soul....
Posted by Jess on Fri, 09 Jun 2006 07:18:00 PST

At least I don't live on the East Coast.

The Twins are finishing up a West Coast swing today, with the final game of a three-game series with Seattle. They've been on the West Coast since last Tuesday, when they started a series with the Ang...
Posted by Jess on Thu, 08 Jun 2006 10:01:00 PST

Downtown SafeZone in action

Yesterday, when I arrived at 5th and Hennepin to transfer to my bus home, there was quite a crowd in the area around the bus stop. Because I spend half of my life in an oblivious fog (especially if I'...
Posted by Jess on Tue, 06 Jun 2006 09:21:00 PST

*screams*

God, I feel so anxious today. I hate feeling this way.
Posted by Jess on Mon, 05 Jun 2006 09:07:00 PST

Drunk or dreaming?

Ugh. I've had a few of those "Was I drunk when this happened or was I dreaming it?" moments lately. Or perhaps I was drunk dreaming. I'm not really sure. I swore that I saw at First Ave on Thursday ni...
Posted by Jess on Tue, 30 May 2006 10:45:00 PST

I won!

Kick ass! I won two passes to see The Charlatans tomorrow night at First Ave from The Onion. Of course, Carrie already bought our tickets. Kinda wished she hadn't, but I didn't have a chance to say "J...
Posted by Jess on Wed, 24 May 2006 12:14:00 PST