Jabba the Beets

In my spare time I investigate crime, break-up puppy smuggling rings, and play underwater board games (not necessarily in that order). Whenever possible I sLaP people that tYpE LiKe tHiS. I also enjoy punching dudes in the gut for posting pics of their abs, and telling hott chicks they are hott on their profile even tho the last 100 a-holes before me said the exact same thing. My favorite color is Twinkie Yellow.

When Jabba makes it to Seattle during the season, he never misses a game

I think you better reccanize.

Unless you are a hot chick, in which case Jabba still means it, but in a good way.

Hutts are bad ass, John was 13 when he fought in the Revolution.

Jabba's Anonymous Fan Pics:
Jabba has had many adoring fans that wish to show off their love for the master pimp, but have no desire for the instant celebrity and tabloid articles that often follow... are you shy? Then you can become an anonymous fan, only Jabba know's who's who here:

This bra is as fancy as her:

Got something to say? Try Jabba's special post tit notes.

Delicious

Nutritious

Here is a story recently written about me that appeared in People Magazine:

A handsome slug of a gangster, Jabba the Beets is the preeminent kingpin of crime in the Outer Rim Territories. Basing his operations out of Honolulu, the Hutt has his fingers in a number of lucrative and unsavory rackets -- slavery, prostitution, Twinkie sales, gunrunning, spice-smuggling, extortion and more.

Jabba's physical appearance is as impressive as his decadence. A hefty Hutt, Jabba resembles a handsome worm-like slug, with a sleek, tapered body coated in an appealing slime. A wide, drooling toothless grin adorns the chiseled features of his flat face, and two captivating yellow-red reptilian eyes stare covetously from his immense head. Jabba surrounds himself with the top echelon of society, ensuring his protection with a screen of well trained body guards and a professional security staff. He lives in an opulent and tastefully decorated palace on an Oahu beach.

Jabba's depravity is legendary. He keeps himself entertained by torturing and humiliating his subjects. He keeps scantily clad slave girls chained to his throne for his amusement. When fickle, Jabba will send his prize possessions to a ghastly end. For example, the beautiful Twi'lek slave Oola was fed to the terrible rancor monster living beneath Jabba's throne room when she failed to amuse him.

To spread his influence and business across the Outer Rim, Jabba employs a number of smugglers to traffic his illicit goods. One of the best starpilots on his payroll was a young Corellian named Han Solo. Solo's luck ran out while running a shipment of Kessel spice, and his freighter, the Millennium Falcon was boarded by an Imperial patrol. With no options, Han jettisoned Jabba's cargo into space.

The Beets was livid. He demanded compensation for his lost cargo. When Solo failed to provide the credits, Jabba sicced his bounty hunters after him. One of the first, a bumbling Rodian named Greedo, failed miserably and ended up fried in a seedy Mos Eisley cantina. Jabba then tried to smooth things with Solo by trying to play the fatherly patron. It was all a ruse, and Solo knew it. That Jabba showed up with the deadly bounty hunter Boba Fett in his party indicated to Solo that time was running out.

Weeks passed, then months. Still, Solo had not paid off the crime lord, as he was drawn deeper into the Galactic Civil War and assisting the Rebel Alliance. Jabba, never one to be interested in political ideals or civil wars, saw this as no excuse. More bounty hunters came. One nearly bagged the price on Han's head in a run-in on Ord Mantell.

Ultimately, it was Boba Fett who tracked down the Corellian. Fett delivered Solo, frozen in carbonite, to Jabba's palace in return for a large bounty. Solo, once an extraordinary pilot, smuggler, and soldier in the Rebel Alliance, was now little more than wall decoration for a magnificent crime lord.

It wasn't long before Solo's friends attempted a rescue. Spearheaded by Luke Skywalker, the last of the Jedi, this mission brought C-3PO, Princess Leia Organa, Chewbacca, Lando Calrissian and R2-D2 into Jabba's dark palace. After a stunning failure the Rebels were held as Jabba's prisoners and Princess Leia was made his kinky love slave, a role she secretly cherished.

To this day Jabba the Beets is still the coolest and most powerful crime lord in the entire galaxy.

Jabba hit that: