Heroes:
-Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
-Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
-Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
-Chuck Norris invented water.
-Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves
-Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
-Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
-Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
-Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever
-If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all. Your life may be forfeit
-The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do: ..............................................
-Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
-Chuck Norris Isn't funny, stop laughing.
-Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
-If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris
-Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Noris can piss his name into concrete.
-When Chuck Norris has sex with men, it is not because he is gay, but because he has ran out of women.
-Chuck Noris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
-Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
-Chuck Norris once challanged Lance Armstring in a "Who has more testicles" contest. Chuck Norris won... by five.
-Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
-When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
-If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
-When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it effects the economy.
-Chuck Noris can rhyme orange and purple... with each other!
-Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
-Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
-Texas does not have a police force. They have Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
-God wanted to create the world in 10 days. Chuck Norris gave him 6.
-God said "Let there be light", Chuck Noris said "Say please".
-If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
-Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin.
-Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
-Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
-When you are Chuck Norris every light claps on and off.
-Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands outside and dares it to grow.
-Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
-Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
-If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
-Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
-If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.
-Chuck Norris runs Windows Vista on his Etch-a-Sketch.
-Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.
-Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano
-Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.
-Chuck Norris can make a paraplegic run for his life.
-Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.
-Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon
-Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
-Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.
-There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
-According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
-Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
-Chuck Norris and Jesus were playing catch. Jesus threw the ball to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris replied, "Nice throw son".----------okay i know that was alot of chuck norris jokes but i could not help myself i love those jokes so far they are the funnyest ones iv ever read oh plus the one that johnny made up on 9-13-08"Chuck Norris can win a game of uno with two cards"
