derek profile picture

derek

.....and everything depends on how near you stand to me...

About Me

Myspace Layouts at Pimp-My-Profile.com / Samurai_girl!

After unsuccessfully running my sock wash buisness for 3 years, I made a fortune with my "monkey noise" bell ring emporiam situated just off Stanope road inbetween the skip and next to the bins. But due to my generous nature i gave all my money to the "single badger" charity and have been recognised for my actions by Chesney Hibbert of Chesington who sez that "I'M AALL REET ME LIKE". Quite an honour. Also because I'm a musician I formed a band with my chum Graeme "cheese" McCulla called "PANTS". We had minor success in the the Puruvian top 40 with our Eponimous Album "Chaffed rubbings", featuring the singles "Inner thigh Blues" and "My exploding Zip". Needless to say after a frustrating time trying to make it in Western Samoa where chart success wasn't fruitful Pants came down, inevitably leading to a Pants split. Although rumours of a Pants return album charting our musical development throughout the years, "From Pants to Trousers" are yet to be confirmed. Ive recently been in touch with the Brazilian government about hiring some death squads for a charva cull of Shields and to my surprise they were quite cheap. For free in fact, as they reckoned they would gladly volunteer. What nice men. Anyway you can catch me with my mates "WE'RE MENTAL US LIKE" in the county most days and nights...Well weekends anyway. Farewell.
You Are Fozzie Bear
"Wocka! Wocka!"
You're the life of the party, and you love making people crack up.
If only your routine didn't always bomb!
You may find more groans than laughs, but always keep the jokes coming. The Muppet Personality Test

My Interests

Music ,drums and monkeys that can play drums. Newcastle United F C. The latter not being so good for my health ,or wallet..Useless gits............... ..

I'd like to meet:

Some humans. preferably girls. S A S soilders, just to get to know the crack like. Mr. Jack Daniels, Jesus...Just to see if he was simply taking the piss or what.

Music:

FARRRR to many to mention but here's a few. Muse, Foo's, Zutons, Cocteau twins (Liz Frazer has by far the most unique and knee bucklingly beautiful voice ever), The Smiths. Rachmaninoff and the occassional kick ass rack & roll.

Movies:

Loads of good films but here's a few...The Big Lebowski, Spinal Tap, Gladiator, Play it again Sam "woody Allen" the Graduate, Brief Encounter, Laurel & Hardy films, Mallrats, Batman begins, The Good The Bad The Ugly, True Romance, (Tarantino's films....)The Excorcist, Goodfellas, Salvador, Mississippi Burning, Dangerous Liasons, O Brother where art thou.

Television:

Green Wing, Extras, Friends, Corrie. Father Ted, Bottom,

Books:

Hmmmm... Viz. Good autobiographys. Haven't read one in a while. Last one was "Bling" and Irvin Welsh jobbies.

Heroes:

superman, Batman. hong kong fooey. Cozy Powell, John Bonham, Buddy Rich, Shearer.

My Blog

badger farts & Richard & Judys crap interview

PANTS PART 18 We had been back in the UK for about a month now and had settled back into the old routine.  The new trouser shop in Newcastle 'Flannels & Flares' had lived up to all our expec...
Posted by derek on Thu, 20 Sep 2007 09:43:00 PST

part 17. liggers, Groupies and activity pants.

PANTS PART 17 After our disastrous radio interview, midget sympathizers boycotted our gigs and we were greeted at some venues by demonstrations and near riots.  I remember one day, as our tour v...
Posted by derek on Sat, 23 Jun 2007 10:07:00 PST

PANTS PART 16. THE AMERICAN LEG..

PART 16:  The American Leg, YeeHaar!! And so   We arrived at JFK Airport early Sunday morning feeling a little more than worse for wares.  Myself, Graeme and Dudley our manager had bee...
Posted by derek on Sat, 12 May 2007 08:47:00 PST

Album review and sprout dip at nana McCulla's

PART 15. PANTS: ALBUM RELEASE Our tour had been a major success culminating in a memorable show at Glastonbury, although I'll remember it as much for blowing it with Austrian supermodel Heidi Cum as...
Posted by derek on Tue, 10 Apr 2007 07:11:00 PST

Glastonbury and supermodel not in Pants

THE STORY OF PANTS:  CHAPTER FOURTEEN After our successful Top the Pops appearance 'PANTS' were now a household name.  We were treated as celebrities everywhere we went.  'Jarrow Bun' J...
Posted by derek on Sat, 17 Mar 2007 11:46:00 PST

Part 13. Tiolets, gravy and midget grief

PART XIII Top of The Pops, Toilets, Gravy & Return of a midget. 'PANTS' were riding high and the excitement of breaking the top 40 with our debut single 'Squeaky Walk' was impossible to describe...
Posted by derek on Sun, 18 Feb 2007 08:55:00 PST

Pants part XII.. fame and cotton slacks

PART XII  .. PANTS LET ONE GO...     The unsavoury incidents that had recently fell into Pants were now well and truly behind us.  Whelks were a thing of the past and Graeme ha...
Posted by derek on Sun, 11 Feb 2007 09:32:00 PST

Whelks, cakes and cracking one off?

PART XI: A Whiff of Whelks in Pants...     The shock of realising that Pants were inextricably linked with an illegal whelk smuggling operation and that a fat lardy arsed beef dip and boi...
Posted by derek on Sat, 03 Feb 2007 10:49:00 PST

PANTS PART X. RECORD DEAL, REVIEWS AND WHELKS

PART X: A STRANGE WHIFF IN PANTS..     We had celebrated long and hard right through the night, much alcohol had been consumed and all the crisps, nuts, scratchings and rhubarb flavour yo...
Posted by derek on Sun, 28 Jan 2007 10:09:00 PST

PANTS and the midget riot

Part 9.. PANTS GET BIGGER The national widow cleaner and bus conductor strike had made the 6 o-clock news that evening and as I watched the telly with my mam, my mams mam and my mams, mams mam, and ...
Posted by derek on Sun, 21 Jan 2007 07:14:00 PST