Mr Jev Skatman C profile picture

Mr Jev Skatman C

52nd Rule of Wednesday Club...................Dont Talk about Wednesday Club!

About Me

In the words of The Playboy: "We're still the bollox aint we" Basically my life is all about having a laugh at the expense of anything and anyone,I mean why take things so seriously, I know im f*cking cool and so does everyone that knows me LOL.(Oy Mr Avery, "Im soo cool even my bed makes itself" am I wrong) Im 25 and basically wondering what the f*ck im doing with my life been trying to figure it for years now so have decided it might be time to listen to other peoples opinions!! (steve, Price....??) What is there too do in this shitty little town apart from sit in the pub with ya mates taking the piss out of each other (mainly Phil Mwaah) noncing up anything that comes along (where's green top)..thats right girls everywhere you go there are blokes discussing exactly what they wanna do with ya, dont be so shocked most of you know it and love it. Fact. ha ha ha ha!! I work in Wokingham as a Financial Accountant, now anyone that knows me but didnt know what I did is gonna be shocked by that cos basically i spend the weekends bang on it, having it and my job well its nerdy aint it. I live a double life as a Suited up office geek, its hard fucking work, which is why i spend my spare time getting on it bish bash bosh!(Ahh Man there's no way Im an Alcoholic) !! Im bored of setting this fucking myspace up already... Pub anyone?
MySpace Codes
MySpace Codes ..
You Are a Margarita
You aren't just the life of the party, you are the party!
You mix a good drink, bust out some great music, and know how to get down. What Mixed Drink Are You?

My Interests

Laughing at random shit that aint even funny...you know those shite things that only u and ur mates laugh at, getting smahsed, masturbating, staggering around at kebab vans, thinking im the absolute bollox when quite clearly I aint! (Well am I Dan?) Not to mention the Banging Bracknell Nightlife...why would you ever leave this place?! Librbarys, Kite Flying and The Big Bang theory by Professor Hawkings....We love you Stephen!!! ha ha ha!! On a serious note the usual stuff really, football ( Yid army) gym, cinema (unless i can get a snide copy to watch at home) pub, porn, food and my bed or any females bed, not fussy me ...a few of u know that already...well u should fucking do..what do you take me for !!

I'd like to meet:


Which Trainspotting Character Are You?Why the f*ck has every other person put "your mum" it aint funny is it.."your mum Grr" do me a favour!! I'd like to meet Professor Hawkings in a pub to see how much money we can get out the quizz machine, Deejay Random cos he's famous and said I could have an autograph, (Get the sambucca's in Dom) Seriously anyone that has a randomly weird sense of humour or owns a seal that can balance a beach ball on its nose like in the circus...(phil...doo doo da doo) Pete Docherty on the london underground clucking for a hit...what a site that would be LOL...bwah ah ah
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Mr Jev_C
Birthday: 24/12/1980 Yup Yup Xmas Eve
Birthplace: Kings Lynn
Current Location: On a chair in front of the computer...?!
Eye Color: Greeny Blue, hint of red and yellow heavy nights !
Hair Color: brown
Height: 5.7"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right but I can knock one with the left to, it feels different!
Your Heritage: I was raised by Rabid dogs in the outback and sailed to the UK on a Log
The Shoes You Wore Today: none because I havent got dressed yet...Monday Club!
Your Weakness: Drink, Gambling, Women (mental ones) and Fat Welsh Birds with Big Tits!!
Your Fears: Death....and never eating KFC again, or curry, or chinese Hmm im starving
Your Perfect Pizza: Dominoes Full House minus mushrooms add Jalepeno's extra Garlic dips doo iiit
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Cleaning my act up, making people see I aint just a DRUNK!!!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Girls Girls theres enough to go round...LOL he he its LOL like everyone !!
Thoughts First Waking Up: How did I get home last night...fuck it
Your Best Physical Feature: Eyes im told...im sceptical though, id go with Elbow
Your Bedtime: When the Booze runs out..Hmm Goal I would like to achieve could be tough !
Your Most Missed Memory: Jade every time she isnt around....and Ibiza 2000 of course
Pepsi or Coke: Coke.. Diet of course
MacDonalds or Burger King: Burger King...and no i dont want to f*cking large it dicknob!
Single or Group Dates: Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestea...like the sound of it...what is it ?
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappuccino
Do you Smoke: Yes...well im trying to give up, had a minor relapse at the weekend
Do you Swear: fuckshitbollockscuntwhorespissingshitflappers?!
Do you Sing: Does put ya hands up fro detroit in the manor car park count?
Do you Shower Daily: Bath Daily....standing up is missions!
Have you Been in Love: Yes.....still am ....with myself obviously, im the bollocks!
Do you want to go to College: Been to college and am still studying towards becoming a chartered accountant
Do you want to get Married: Yes....I think I know who to as well, Charlotte Church, fat welsh bird with big tits aint she
&..39;Do you belive in yourself:' Yeah, I can do or be whatever I want....Id like to be a Pereguin Falcon...kes ya bastard!
Do you get Motion Sickness: Nah....its for gays and Pereguin Falcons
Do you think you are Attractive: Hell Yeah ....who da man
Are you a Health Freak: Errr I play football I like pasta and fresh apple juice?!
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes my Mum, at times!
Do you like Thunderstorms: Hell yeah...love them
Do you play an Instrument: No but I can pick my nose with my tongue...
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Yes....to much it's the way forward...get intoxicated !
In the past month have you Smoked: Yes it was lovely, filthy habit but i like it !
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Nope, they're bad mmmkay!
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Nope....im having my own private party
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: nope
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: what?
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Nope?
In the past month have you been on Stage: The crwon Wood is my stage and I entertain the masses!
In the past month have you been Dumped: nope.....that was about 2 1/2 months ago...bitch LOL
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Nope, i bath in a nude though?!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Nope !
Ever been Drunk: Yeess
Ever been called a Tease: Na...if u want some i'll bring it !
Ever been Beaten up: yep....it was great, thought i was a hero with a shiner...from a bird LOL
Ever Shoplifted: nope
How do you want to Die: get my bollocks bitten off by a crack whore and bleed to death
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A Pereguin Falcon
What country would you most like to Visit: Afghanistan
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Blue
Favourite Hair Color: Brown
Short or Long Hair: Long
Height: Tall if nice legs, or short and able to chuck around a bit
Weight: Fat and |heavy, sweaty too
Best Clothing Style: Cycling shorts
Number of Drugs I have taken: Drugs are bad Mmkaaay?!
Number of CDs I own: oh wait there i'll just count them ...next!
Number of Piercings: Three...including my tongue...girls u know u've always wondered
Number of Tattoos: 4
Number of things in my Past I Regret: None.....doo iiit !

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Music:

Love my music, got an open mind really if its good i'll appreciate it, used to be a hardcore raver in my early years, helter skelter, slamming viny etc, still appreciate a bit of Drum & Bass these days. Im also a big hip hop fan, the older stuff though. Into band music, or what i call pub music, Kooks, Kaiser's (I predict a diet..that was ledge Price) Oasis (live forever ..tune) etc etc! Almost forgot..Im a massive Blondie fan ... Heart of Glass is by far the best tune of all time...(dance move from the Business anyone...could prob do the Ricky to it as well boys)

My life has been rated:

See what your rating is!

Created by Bart King

Movies:

Gangster flicks and well made british films...Nick Love is a legend! Football Factory, The Business (i'd give a grand to fuck you boy) Good Bye Charlie Bright, all by Nick Love wicked films! Thought green street was good at first but the more I see it the worse it seems to get, crap cast! More recently I gayed it up at the cinema with two male friends, it wasnt my idea, we saw The departed, thought it was pony...didnt even get a f*cking hand job either!!!

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Fat welsh girls with big tits!

    It's bad luck for a flag to touch Fat welsh girls with big tits.If you break Fat welsh girls with big tits, you will get seven years of bad luck!The deepest part of Fat welsh girls with big tits is over 35,000 feet deep!All the moons of the Solar System are named after characters from Greek and Roman mythology, except the moons of Uranus, which are named after Fat welsh girls with big tits.Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than Fat welsh girls with big tits.Fat welsh girls with big tits has four noses.Owls cannot move their eyes, because their eyeballs are shaped like Fat welsh girls with big tits!Early thermometers were filled with Fat welsh girls with big tits instead of mercury.Some birds use Fat welsh girls with big tits to orientate themselves during migration.The smelly fluid secreted by skunks is colloquially known as Fat welsh girls with big tits!
I am interested in - do tell me about

Television:

Gervais is a Genuis...fact! Homer simpson is my idol and based on the crown wood landlord..Hollyoaks for a Perv (Mercedes sit on my face and tell me that you love me). Been Watching Banged up Abroad on channel 5 recently..no it aint soft porn, Bnaged up as in Prison, not f*cked! I aint admitting to watching any Soaps other than Hollyoaks. Fact. Next !

Books:

Books?!... ah actually i read The Essex Boys recently, much better than the film. Im about to read one of Mr Hawkins theories, (we must leave planet earth and live in outer space if the race is to survive)big up the Hawky! Other than that i dont get time to read to be fair. Waiting for Pete Docherty to do an autobiography though!!

Heroes:

Peter Doherty, Mr Marmite... Me myself and I...nah seriously all the people that inspire me to be the person I am, Tracy cos of her bebo page its so cool just like her lol, Price, Claridge, The Avery Mob, Danny, Em Velzy(st)? Lou (Ive still got the marmite spreader lol) Emilie (i love this citaaaay), Mr Birch, Random (Ur balls were tasty i wass full after)My family (Love u Jade, mini me aint ya) And of course big up all the girls that have tasted it...You know who you are.. get yourself to the clinic you skanky hoes!!!!! Not Forgetting Mr Freshen up, Baywatch Bar magaluf!! Always!! check his video on the page! .. width="425" height="350"

My Blog

FRIDAY AFTERNOON IN THE OFFICE!!!

OKAY SO UR COOL UR ON MY PAGE READING MY BLOG..WHY NOT SUBSCRIBE? ANYWAY SCROLL RIGHT TO BOTTOM OF PAGE AND READ UP FORM THERE IF U GET ME...THIS WAS AN EMAIL CONVO AFTER LUNCH TODAY WITH SOME EX WORK...
Posted by Mr Jev Skatman C on Fri, 02 Feb 2007 02:31:00 PST

Re:The result of a weekend in Bounremouth

Right I need to get this down on here cos its been kind of bothering me all weekend really...I went to Bournemouth for a weekend of Hardcore & Techno raving and at about 6.30 on saturday morn...
Posted by Mr Jev Skatman C on Sun, 28 Jan 2007 08:57:00 PST

The 100th Mash Head Theory

It helps if you google 100th Monkey theory b4 reading to see how this theory was spawned if u cant be arsed read anyway. The 100th Mash Head Theory - By Steve'o in conjuction with Mr Jev C '100th mas...
Posted by Mr Jev Skatman C on Thu, 18 Jan 2007 12:48:00 PST

RE: Vending Machines

Alreet..... So  I just been to the vending machine at work right and well I was wondering what this is all about ....what do you think about Vending Machine OCD....?  My can machine has pep...
Posted by Mr Jev Skatman C on Thu, 18 Jan 2007 12:27:00 PST

RE: a fcuking chair...How very dare you !!

Right this is quite a shit bulletin and in in on a Friday I know ...i got my reasons..im skint but also my little girl is over this week end!! Whish is why I'm writing this poxy bulletin.....I aske dh...
Posted by Mr Jev Skatman C on Sat, 18 Nov 2006 04:23:00 PST

RE: bollock ripler

Fuck Bollock, tally whacker ! I am a weirdo....am I ? who knows nobody really knows do they?! do they? Kitkats, weird name..no? going to cash for cheques to get money for work and then blowing the ...
Posted by Mr Jev Skatman C on Sun, 12 Nov 2006 11:52:00 PST

RE: Random Jibber Jabber

Random Shit that Amuses or Annoys me. I love being skint 4 days after a monthly pay packet, and i mean skint as in, cant pay my rent, not with cash anyway, and aint got a clue how im getting to work o...
Posted by Mr Jev Skatman C on Sun, 29 Oct 2006 06:41:00 PST