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Dino Valentino I was born in 1959 in Venizia, Italy. My birth name is Frederico Roberto Saccamano. I changed it to Dino Valentino to make it sound more American. I figured that Dean Martin was a big American star, and Valentines Day is a big American holiday. So the name was perfect. It is that kind of thinking that allows me to be a rock star.
Being from a small Italian town that exports goats milk and babys breath as major sources of income, I knew I was destined for rock stardom. I was born to be a drummer. My father, Fabio Benitzio, was in the Italian militia and he used to take me to the African bush to hide out when the secret police were after him. That is where, in Botswana, I met Xoxo, a famous bushman who taught me the didgeridoo and the rain stick, which is really helpful when I need it to rain.
Anyway, this early African influence made the drummer that I have become. When Benitzio was captured in the 1970s, I escaped to America. I arrived in New York City where I used to play on empty buckets for the subway passengers. That is where I met Cosmo, a friend to whom I owe all my successes. Every time I would come into a new job, he would tell his friends about it and they would help in my successes.
Before long I was playing drums with people. I met several famous rock stars and as soon as I told them that I too wanted to be a rock star, they were more than willing to help me reach my dreams. Youve heard my work, Im sure. I played drums on More Than Words by Extreme. I also was in on the session for Patience by some band called Guns and Roses. The singer for that band seemed cool. The rest of the guys, not so much. I wonder what ever happened to them? Anyway, I was also the drummer that played the vibra-slap on Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne. Some people say that the guitar was the most important thing in that song. I think they only say that because Randy Rhodes died. I know that without the vibra-slap, that song never happens. But the session I am most proud of was early in my American drumming career was when I played cowbell on Dont Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult, under the direction of famed rock producer Bruce Dickinson. He was the one who taught me a valuable lesson explore the studio space. It is that kind of thinking that lets me be a rock star.
I have so many stories about being on the road! I had some great times, man. I was the drummer the Motley Crue used when Tommy Lee left the band. It seemed like people thought my name was Bruce or Lou or something because every time I did a drum solo, I would hear Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuce or Loooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! or something. But I knew I was good, because pretty soon we had to play smaller venues to get more personal with the audience. That is when you know youre really touching someone. Before long, the band would invite people from the audience up to sit in and play my drums. Vince told me to go to the back of the room and not talk to anyone. He told me to listen to what the drums were supposed to sound like. I did. And it sounded great! But the next thing you know Sinead OConnor was giving me a reach-around in a broom closet. At least I think it was her. It may have been the bald dude from Midnight Oil. It is all pretty much a blur. After that I was in Des Moines, Iowa playing drums with Crowded House. I also remember a rather naked experience that happened once after a show up in Amsterdam. Picture me, Jane Child, Rachel Bolan, a midget, and a pony. I think Jani Lane has some pictures of that somewhere. I knew that life on the road would probably kill me or institutionalize me. And since I am too young to be in an institution, I decided to settle down and find a band that was ready for the next wave of big hair music. And it is that kind of thinking that lets me be a rock star.
So now it is 2005. I know by being accepted into Tongue N Cheek I am ready to reach unparalleled success. I know that 80s music is coming back. And I am in the right place at the right time. Or Veno, abba finchia doemsticcalla as my grandmother used to say. All I know is that I want to hang out with my wang out and rock out with my cock out. If this doesnt work out, I may try a career in rap music. I think I may use the name Muff Daddy. Whadda ya think? See you at a gig!
Which 1980's Hair Band Are You?