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the beautiful girl
a story in moments
once upon a time there was a beautiful girl.
a bored beautiful girl.
one warm, windy
day she sat outside. just sitting, smoking,
wondering... maybe hoping a little.
hoping the wind would bring something
it never brought before.
hoping something
would happen that never happened before.
12/28/06
that one, unpredictable day, the beautiful
girl left her home, which
wasn't really much of a home at all, and
just started walking.
with no particular direction in mind.
12/29/06
she walked and walked. for hours she
walked. criss-crossing the flat, dusty
town. she began to surprise herself
with her thoughts... thoughts of leaving.
and never coming back.
12/30/06
after a while, the beautiful girl
came to a cafe.
suddenly aware of an empty
and wanting -
she sat down at a table... which had
the most beautiful
flare of sunlight she supposed
she'd ever seen.
with a smile, she place an order.
"diet coke, please."
even though she had no money.
12/31/06
"it's a new year," she said to the waiter.
"do you think you could help me out?"
the waiter looked at her, charmed at
her audacity. and mesmerized too.
"maybe," he said.
she looked for that glint in his
eye. the one all men
seemed to come equipped with...
but didn't find it.
1/1/07
he drove an old car. the kind that gets
you from one place to another.
not the kind that gets you what
you want.
"sit down," he said, patting the bucket seat.
"i don't live far."
the beautiful girl thought about wondering
whether going home with the waiter was
a good idea, but decided against it.
because it was the only idea she had
left.
1/2/07
the apartment was just one room,
practically empty, its only
inhabitants
a tattered old green chair and
a bed.
it was unmade.
"you take the bed," he told her.
"i'll sleep in the chair".
"oh, no." she demurred. "i couldn't."
there was an awkward pause,
long enough for her to
notice his eyes -
the uncomplicated blue of
a world map.
"we could sleep in it together,"
she offered. "i trust you."
1/3/07
the beautiful girl never
crossed the mason-dixon line
to the stranger's side of
the bed.
still, she woke up frozen -
fearful of the sticky feelings
and forced interactions
that would open with
his eyes.
so she looked out the window,
and wondered
how she got here...
1/4/07
after a long while, he woke up.
by now she had taken up residence
in the tattered
green chair, and was
looking at him. watching him
sleep.
"i should go," she said, as soon
as his eyes were open.
"you can't," came his reply.
"i have to," she said.
"you only think you do," he returned.
"besides," he gazed upon her,
"i already need you."
1/5/07
the door closed behind him
and the beautiful girl
sighed, relieved to be alone.
there was no tv, so she
didn't turn it on.
there was nothing to read,
either.
at last, the tattered chair
became so uncomfortable,
the beautiful girl
left the stranger's house.
1/6/07
it had only been one day,
but this time it was a different
city. no longer the hometown
of aunts and uncles and childhood
friends.
now it was a place where identities
are lost and created.. then
lost and created
again.
the beautiful girl walked toward the
lights... believing that's where
she would find
what she was searching for.
1/7/07
naturally, the beautiful girl was
drawn to the lights - it's as if
they were calling her.
as she passed under the marquee
she felt just a little bit
taller and more elegant.
a man standing just inside
the door took one look at
her. "if you're here for the job,"
he said pointing,
"it's down that way."
1/8/07
a brusque man looks the beautiful girl
up...
...and down.
"you ever dance before?" he asks.
then he moves to his second thought.
"actually, it doesn't matter. you look fine.
can you start tomorrow?"
he offers her a skimpy costume.
the beautiful girl, considers it for a
moment.
then holds out her hand...
1/9/07
"you'll be on the day shift" the boss
told her. "it gets so busy in here now.
nobody can wait til after work anymore."
with that he turned and walked
away, giving a smooch to
an aging waitress who passed by.
the beautiful girl stuffed the
costume into her purse.
as she left, she realized she
now had a job she'd never
even said
yes
to...
1/10/07
***
that night she and the waiter
sit on the bed eating leftovers
re-deployed from the plates
of richer, less hungry people.
"this is good," the girl says. "thank you."
the waiter smiles. that she's beautiful.
that she's happy. that she thanked
him. that for even just this
one moment,
he's important to her.
1/11/07
the waiter and the beautiful girl
ate in silence.
in a familiarity
odd
since they'd known each
other just 37 hours...
they pick at the diner spaghetti
for a couple
more minutes -
then the girl takes
a deep breath.
to feel calm, she imagines
herself sitting by a lovely
pool...
finally, she speaks:
"i got a job today."
1/12/07
the line down the middle of the bed
was a little less visible that night,
though neither of them crossed it.
they went to sleep in the same
position as the night before - his face
to the west wall, her face to the east.
within minutes, she could feel a stillness
settle on the whole room, and she knew
he was asleep.
that's when she turned... and
faced the west wall, too.
1/13/07
when she woke up, he was
gone, and there was a hastily
scrawled note
where his head used to lay.
"working early today," it said.
"see you around 3."
she wondered if her
shift at the new job would be
over by 3... and it worried her
that he might come home
and find the house
empty.
she felt responsible for him.
already...
1/14/07
the beautiful girl carefully
decorated her eyes with liner...
and mascara -
like the the elegant 60s
lady of her imagination.
and when every spare minute
was gone, she put on
the shiny top
and tiny bottom,
and looked at herself
in the mirror.
"this is who i am now,"
she thought to herself.
1/15/07
any sense of elegance
evaporated
the moment the beautiful
girl passed underneath
the glowing marquee.
thousands of lighted bulbs,
like a chorus of
brilliant blue mocking
birds -
whose song
illuminated
her empty spots.
"it won't take long," she told
herself. "i'll make enough
money, then i'll leave this place.
for somewhere better..."
1/16/07
after sitting for a while in
a locked
toilet stall, the
beautiful girl
figured enough
time had passed...
she emerged from
the dressing
room wearing her little tiny
outfit...
"well, well," said the boss. "turn
around." he looked at every inch
of her.
"you're going to do just fine,"
he predicted.
1/17/07
the waiter arrived home
toting
the styrofoam container
like it was made of
tiffany blue.
he opened the door
expecting
to see her there.
but there was no
beautiful girl.
and no note.
1/18/07
a sick feeling hit
the waiter with such
force, he had to sit down.
his mind started moving
a million miles a minute.
his stomach clenched.
his heart dashed against
his chest.
he was sure that the beautiful
girl had left him...
1/20/07
the beautiful girl climbed up
on the stage...
and from nowhere, music
started playing.
unsure of exactly what
to do, she just
closed her
eyes...
and soon, her body
began moving.
even though no one was
there to watch her...
1/21/07
all the way across town
in a neighborhood
of perfect, but hopeless
homes...
a mother cried.
wondering
if she would ever see her
beautiful girl
again.
1/22/07
the waiter had spent all
his hope, and was deep
into a pile of
his despair
when the door opened...
and the beautiful girl
walked in.
he handed her the tiffany
blue takeout container.
and smiled.
1/23/07
she ate the food, and he watched
her...
and she didn't mind.
even though she had been
being watched,
all day long.
"where were you?" he said, trying
to sound casual.
the question made her want to
get away
just a little bit...
1/24/07
"i was working," she turned away
when she said it. "silly."
she reached into her pocket and
pulled out a neat rectangle of
money... as big as a deck
of cards.
the waiter's eyes got big.
"that's a lot of money," he
said.
"i know," she agreed. "i'm
going to save up. so i can
get out of this place..."
1/25/07
as the days
turned to nights
turned to days
turned to nights-
the line down the
middle of the bed
faded...
until it dissolved.
and they were one.
1/26/07
the beautiful girl
got used to
moving her body
for money.
after a while it
lost it's meaning
as: her body
or: her heart.
it was just a
body.
it was just
a heart.
1/27/07
"get in the car,"
the waiter said one
saturday. "i have
a surprise."
the beautiful girl
felt light and
pretty... just
from the way he
looked at
her.
like he loved her.
1/28/07
not wanting her
to see the
gift before he
was ready to
give it.
they walked down
a long slope..
she, in her
short skirt.
until there,
in the distance
it was...
off in the distance
the beautiful girl
could hear
the laughter.
and
the music.
and then, she saw
it
a giant ferris wheel
turning, turning...
and she could
feel her heart.
1/30/07
the waiter pulled
his hands away from
her eyes and she
jumped up and down
with delight.
he had remembered
her favorite thing in
the whole world...
he had been listening.
1/31/07
on the way home they
let the cotton candy
dissolve on their
tongues
until it was gone...
like the memory of the
ferris wheel...
he took her hand,
"i don't ever want
to be apart," he
said quietly.
2/1/07
"promise me," he said,
falling right into her
eyes.
the beautiful girl became
even quieter than usual.
she didn't want to say
she would...
but she didn't want to
say she wouldn't.
"maybe," was all she
could say.
2/2/07
that night it was
even more
tender...
the way he traced
a tributary
all the way down her
body.
the way she let her
tongue linger
at
the corner of
his mouth.
at once
forever
and never again.
2/3/07
in the morning the
beautiful girl
awoke to an empty
bed - and an
angry sky.
outside a silly
bird sang
like there was
hope for
the day.
inside, she knew
a train was
coming...
2/4/07
after work the beautiful girl
walked
down by the water
instead of going home.
the only question was:
to tell,
or just to leave?
either way,
she was
already gone.
2/5/07
"nothing's wrong," said
the beautiful
girl, blankly.
the waiter watched her
carefully, but didn't say
a word.
after a few minutes
he knew -
she was lying.
to him.
and maybe to herself.
2/7/07
the beautiful girl
stole
out of their warm
bed,
as the waiter sprawled
sleeping.
all she had was a
laundry basket
for a suitcase.
she moved silently
toward the door -
not ready, but
needing
to leave.
2/9/07
the waiter threw himself
in front of the door.
like a 50s movie.
"you can't leave," he said,
his eyes a frantic green.
"i have to," she said.
he grabbed the makeshift
suitcase from her hands.
"then i'm coming with you,"
he said. "now, where are we
going to go?"
2/10/07
she was secretly glad...
the sky was like hot,
syrupy peaches
as the car sped
west
along the empty
highway.
...glad she wasn't alone.
2/12/07
drive, they did.
through counties
and
states of mind.
at last they saw
the first sign
that they had
arrived in the
city of angels...
the city of dreams.
2/17/07
not knowing where to go
they simply stopped
driving
at a non-descript
motel on
hollywood boulevard.
is this it?
he asked.
"it must be,"
she answered.
2/24/07
once inside the club
you might as well
be anywhere
or
nowhere...
the smell,
the music,
the men,
and
the boys.
and of course,
the money.
2/27/07
the waiter went
looking for
a job, too.
but for him,
it wasn't
so easy.
for one thing,
he didn't really
want to
be here...
3/02/07
it was her
he wanted.
and for her
he was willing
to give up
himself.
3/04/07
soon the beautiful
girl began getting
offers...
some she wanted
some she did
not...
but all involved the
exchange
of energy for
money...
3/04/07
after a week in the
hollywood blvd.
motel
the beautiful girl
had enough money
for an apartment.
they found something
past the meth people
and the ne'er do wells...
on alexandria street.
3/11/07
meanwhile, the waiter
languished.
everything to him
was a deep sigh
and
a long night.
the beautiful girl knew
he wouldn't last
too much longer.
3/15/07
'the beautiful girl' written and photographed by tracy mcmillan, copyright 2006, 2007
Record Label:
Type of Label: Major