Seth

I'm not sure even where to start, Throughout my entire life I was thoroughly image oriented trying to impress everyone else in one way or another. But gradually along the way I don't really know what happened, I guess I started questioning why. Why do I do the things I do? why do I act the way I do? That was a fire started in the back of my mind, perhaps it was only a microscopic flame with too little fuel to burn on, but it would be sparked again several times over. At first I dropped out of high school being as I was wretched at academics and the local teachers wern't exactly part of my fan club. so I went off homeschooling which seemed to work out for a little while but still got distracted and lost my way again. Another time that fire was sparked in my mind, what am I doing? why am I doing it? roughly around then was when I aquired my deeply rooted attachment to music origionally sparked by my older brother Shon, so that didn't really help my focus with school. So it all boiled down to me going to Job Corp and learning the arts of the construction trades. Luckily it was a campus out in the middle of the mountains among all the trees, though I didn't know it yet this place was going to be the turning point in discovering what I really wanted in the world. Working outside made me realized how much I enjoy the trees, the sky, the sun, the rain, the snow, and everything else that nature had to offer. I met a girl there who made me realize how much better it is to be myself, and she was right. I noticed I liked being healthy and moving about, I liked more varieties of music then I ever did. (before I just liked hard metal and screaming rock an roll) Thus the flame grew much larger and I was thinking of too many questions to remember to think about later. I like to relate the Fire inside to my music taste because they grew at about the same pace.I even went back to high school and got my diploma. Before I knew it schooling was over and I was being slung back into the real world again with a new peace of mind, or at least I'd like to think. I didn't leave school on a positive note in one way though, my trade boss (for plastering Ervin Berkley) called me up at 4 A.M. just minutes after having enlightening sex and informs me that I'm leaving to go back home within the hour. Now I had a great girlfriend, I was about to go to collage on the government's dime, and I was pretty drunk at the time. So the only response I could think of, I'm not allowed to type on this webpage. Rest assured, it was angry and vulger. Never the less I went back home leaving behind every hope I had for the future I REALLY wanted, and instead ended up going to work in Portland as a plasterer for 2 months so that Ervin Berkley could get his sucess rating as a teacher up 1 more point. Unfortunately there's an extremely minimal market for plasterers in Portland, and I was given the boot but quick.(being an apprentice an all.) So I was back to square one again with a diploma now and no direction to look, just more flickers of questions I couldn't answer. Sometimes the greatest thing about some questions is the fact that you can't answer 'em, all you can do is think of possibilities or other ways to comprehend what the question really is. So onward I worked various jobs that I definately didn't enjoy, but hey even being a rockstar is just a really good JOB. As I would have it a few years passed and I was still doing nothing useful and the ideas and the questions and the possibilities, and the music, and the thinking of existance, and space, and the mind, and creation kept building and stacking on top of eachother one thought after the other. So many that I would get lost just looking at anything, I could look at anything, even a trashcan lid and get lost in how one color (grey, the color of a trashcan lid) one color could be so many different kinds of that color from one side to the next, how everything in the world can have so much astounding detail nomatter where you look. It's physically and logically impossible to comprehend anything you see to it's fullest extent, there's just too many things to think about. Like the process of how it was made.....no....let's go further back than that, The seperate minerals that gradually compacted together to create an ore that was mined, which was smelted down and poured into a molding which was set to cool and shipped out to somewhere and passed out to someone. Then to understand the aging and weathering that it endures, that gives it the miniscule changes which in turn leaves you with the perfectly unique piece of existance that's beheld within your grasp of everything that you realized that you took for granted since you were a child. Needless to say the fire was getting out of controle, speading to too many different trees(metaphorically). I needed to find a way to controle my mind, which is when I discovered the musical category of jam music, which is a pretty broad category. Most musicians don't like to be classified as Jam because it's too vague. All Jam music really means is that it's music with lots of your own improv incorperated into it, or just completely improv if you want. Thanks to this music I was able to get my mind under controle, because it was so all over the place, I didn't have time to break it down. I just decided to relax and listen to it instead, just let it be ear candy. Once I figured out how to do it with music, I could do it with everything else. Sometimes you gotta just leave things be and appreciate them without making them more complicated than they really need to be. So now I do a job that I don't really mind and it's every little kid's dream, I'm a heavy equipment operator. Means I drive Bulldozers, and Excavator, and Backhoes, etc. I make good money doing it, I get to play in the dirt with big expensive toys, and it's outside. Not bad huh? I have a million more things I could say about me but in the end what it boils down to is that the Fire Inside now burns at whichever rate that I see fit. Being the masters of our own destinys allows us the right and the privelage to controle our thoughts and emotions. And I believe the greatest power there is, always has been and will always be, is the power of emotion and how to controle it. I guess it's just part of me, it's who I am, I'm Seth Webber and this is what I had to say about me.