So what if I hate you, you're annoying.

About Me

Hey, I'm just kinda hanging out here in Chapel Hill. My favorite thing to do is go to southpoint mall and have tantric monkey sex in front of the small children at the fountains. Its wonderful really. Right now I work as a leasing agent for an apartment complex. I know I'm not the lawyer or doctor that your mom wanted you to marry, but I'm fucking adorbale none-the-less. I graduated from UNC a few years ago and am just trying to meet some new people as just about everyone I know has moved on. I do a lot of stand up comedy around the area, I can be found at Charlie Goodnights on some wednesday nights in raleigh. I'm currently in the process of selling stand up comedy shows to local bars and clubs in Raleigh and Chapel Hill, so if you know any place that wants to hire some comedians, tell them to get in touch with me. On March 7th a buddy of mine headed up to NYC to try out for last comic standing, we didn't make it but I bet I'll be in the reject portion of the show. Seriously, what do they expect, I was outside overnight waiting in line...16 hours in temperatures of about 26 degrees. I did learn some interesting things though, foreheads CAN get chapped, how gay is that...They don't make chapstick for foreheads, but they should. Aside from comedy I love watching TV and movies, and yeah, college hoops is a must. I'm a die hard Carolina fan. GO HEELS! I don't take great pictures, but my cat does, she's a pornstar and a slut. It's quite sad really, she'll do just about anything for turkey. ANYTHING. I generally take 5% off the top of what she makes, but lately she hasn't been whoring herself out as much as she used to and business is slowing down since most everyone has already had their turn. If you can't tell, I like making people laugh and if nothing else I hope reading this made you smile or entertained you for 2 or 3 minutes. I also help with a website so you should check it out.

My Interests

My interest is stalking people on myspace. I have nothing better to do with my life. Honestly. Okay so I'm lying and now I've given you no reason to trust me, but admit it, I'm kind of cute. You'd do me. You wouldn't do me? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. Oh, you must be a guy or related to me. Maybe you're taken? Alright, so I'm not exactly God's gift to women, but its what I went as for halloween because pretending is fun. If this paragraph didn't at least make you chuckle, you probably shouldn't talk to me.

I'd like to meet:

Well, mostly I want to meet your mom, I understand that she's probably older, and most likely she's not as hot as she used to be, but that doesn't phase me. Honestly, I just want to meet cool people who enjoy laughing. People that like to just go out sometimes on a tuesday night for a few beers, even though they have work the next morning. People who will come to my comedy shows to support local comedy. Anyone with anything interesting to say, provided they aren't hippies. I fucking hate hippies.

Music:

Yes, I like music. Just not rap or techno. It all just pisses me off. Mostly things with piano. I like Billy Joel and Elton John. I also like broadway AND I'm straight, yes men like me do exist. Its called culture bitches.

Movies:

Its all about superman II. I don't even know why. Also, porn. I'm a big fan of Porn movie plots.

Television:

I love television. You probably do too. If you don't think television has anything to offer you, move to the middle east. I say that because most people who think television contributes to stupidity are hippies and hippies love the middle east and hate the USA. If you're reading this and already live in the middle east, go to bestbuy.com and figure out what a television is before responding negatively to this.

Books:

Right now I'm reading a book called "lamb" its the gospel of christ according to his childhood friend Biff. Its funny, but don't read it if you're a Jesus freak, you'll just get offended. Losers.

Heroes:

OMG MY PARENTS ARE SO MY HEROES. shut up. They aren't, they're cool people but not heroic, neither are your parents, unless they're like lance "one ball" armstrong. He overcame cancer to beat the french in a bike race, that makes him cool in my book, even if he only does have one ball.

My Blog

I'm Angry

Today I had a discussion with my mother and determined that the age old saying that 'mother knows best' may no longer be true. We were discussing the situation in Lebanon and she was taking the side ...
Posted by So what if I hate you, you're annoying. on Wed, 02 Aug 2006 07:48:00 PST

I hold my truths to be self evident.

The company I work for sometimes has me go on meetings to interesting places. Today in the not so deep south, I was scheduled to work an event with the Sheriffs office of a smaller county in Nor...
Posted by So what if I hate you, you're annoying. on Fri, 21 Jul 2006 12:48:00 PST

House Warming Party

I had a very interesting night last night. After finishing a comedy show at Tomato Jakes Comedy Club, I went to a house warming party for some friends who had just bought a new townhome. ...
Posted by So what if I hate you, you're annoying. on Sun, 25 Jun 2006 10:30:00 PST

Coca Cola Blak

Coke has done it again!!! Remember that time they tried changing their original recipe to the "new coke" and it wound up tasting like dirty ass? Well the geniuses at Coke have decided once...
Posted by So what if I hate you, you're annoying. on Sat, 24 Jun 2006 11:43:00 PST

Chapter 1 of my book. Disclaimer: It's not really funny.

Chapter One: What brought me back onto the dating scene. Being cheated on changes a person. Im not exactly sure how or why, but when you get cheated on you start to feel lik...
Posted by So what if I hate you, you're annoying. on Sun, 04 Jun 2006 11:39:00 PST

Finding out you're a racist

So a few days ago I was scheduled to sit down with my Market Director to sign papers for a promotion to regional recruiter for a cell phone kiosk. For the past month and a half I had been traini...
Posted by So what if I hate you, you're annoying. on Fri, 02 Jun 2006 11:01:00 PST

mmmbop

when you get and start losing your haircan you tell me who will still care?can you tell me who will still care?ohhyeahmmmbop dipidopdobopdooo bop doo dooseriously...these guys are lyrical geniuses...t...
Posted by So what if I hate you, you're annoying. on Sun, 28 May 2006 03:27:00 PST

Tips for dating for guys part 4 Goodnight kiss?

Now that you've completed the bulk of the first date, the lingering question is on all of your minds. Will my friends ever find out that I hooked up with this heiffer if I take her home and fuck...
Posted by So what if I hate you, you're annoying. on Sun, 28 May 2006 11:34:00 PST

The worst thing I've ever done

So a few years ago, there was this guy I met. He was Jewish AND in ROTC. I was surprised I hadn't met him before, but he seemed pretty down on himself. I introduced myself and found ...
Posted by So what if I hate you, you're annoying. on Fri, 26 May 2006 09:19:00 PST

Dating tips for women part 3. The first date.

So, for whatever reason you decided to allow that random dude from the bar to take you out. It's probably because you were drunk the second time he called and you weren't thinking clearly. ...
Posted by So what if I hate you, you're annoying. on Tue, 23 May 2006 10:14:00 PST