Chris profile picture

Chris

Egret! Where's your egress?

About Me

Above all things, I am a writer, of prose, poetry, comedy, music, and lyrics. I have some completed novels languishing unread in desk drawers and in my hard drive, and hundreds of publication credits in various newspapers and magazines.

For a day job, I write other books nobody reads, owner's manuals for software products. I am a technical writer. The next time you press F1 and you feel like saying FU because the gibberish that comes up on the screen has nothing to do with solving your issue, blame me. Only though, if you are using music software.

I am a fairly accomplished trumpet player and vocalist, and I play guitar and piano quite poorly. I am a hobbyist comedian--Steven Wright once told me I was funny. I said, "No, you." And he laughed, apparently for at least a second time.

I provide freelance assistance in several word-oriented endeavors, ad copy, headlines, blurbs, and various other pith. Some find me insufferable, others sufferable. You may conduct the experiment if you wish, but it needs to be really damned interesting or so heart-of-gold that even a surly and churlish cynic such as myself would have to snap out of it at least long enough to write a reply. Just kidding. I'll suffer any fool once, some twice.


That's about it. It's kind of depressing to sum it up to just that. I mean, some guys my age own liquor stores. Life is what you make of it and for some time now, and pretty much to my satisfaction, not much has changed.

My Interests

Writing, playing trumpet, standup comedy (performing and seeing shows), eating sushi, reading great writers, jazz, blues, bluegrass, summer music festivals, subversive activities that inconvenience the current administration.

I'd like to meet:

Tom Waits would be at the top of the list, or perhaps Christiane Amanpour (imagine the toilets she has been forced to use)--an aside here, just to underline the notion that Myspace.com is an ignorant venture, designed for girls named Lori who when they write their name make a circle instead of a dot above the letter "i" or worse yet, a heart, this section should observe the direct object rule in grammar and be entitled "Whom I'd like to meet."
It will never happen though, for all my complaining. Nobody cares even to spell, capitalize or punctuate properly any more, let alone to observe hundreds of years of grammar and usage conventions.

Music:

Miles Davis, Freddie Hubbard, and Clifford Brown are my favorite trumpet players. Coltrane, Wynton, Ray Charles, Bowie. For Beatles I like Lennon and Harrison. I am so down with Del McCoury, Tony Rice, Jerry Douglas, Laurie Lewis, and them. John Lee Hooker, Tom Waits, Prince, The Meters, Doctor John. For Canadians I like Joni Mitchell, Leanord Cohen, Neil Young, and of course, Oscar Peterson and even Sarah McLaughlin. Art Tatum, Louis Armstrong, Roy Hargrove, Cheryl Crowe (a guilty pleasure), Norman Blake, Queen (yes, Queen), The Who, The Dead, Led Zeppelin, and I'm pretty sure I like Counting Crows. But I really like that new band, Counting Black Cheryl Crows.

Movies:

Tombstone. It's all about Tombstone.

Television:

Television is death. I still like South Park and The Simpsons. Go figure. The two smartest shows on television are cartoons. I also like Stephanopolous and the Red Sox.

Books:

Any Richard Powers, notably The Gold Bug Variations. Franzen, Pynchon, Joan Didion, All of George Carlin's books. Shakespeare (I've read most everything, but I reread at least one play a year). I just finished Charlie Wilson's War--fantastic. Vonnegut and Mailer. Not sure why I confine those two to their own sentence. Saul Bellow (just reread Herzog--stunning). Lust for Life. Hunter S Thompson. Thomas Wolfe. Too many to mention.

Heroes:

John Lennon, Ghandi, MLK, Lady Di. Anyone who works for peace.

My Blog

Susan Tedeschi review...not

             I have reviewed one Hampton Beach Casino show per week throughout the summer for Spotlight Magazine, the Thursday entertainment suppl...
Posted by Chris on Mon, 03 Sep 2007 11:37:00 PST

Death in the House

                 It has been said that I overstate things. I agree. That's what I do. I overstate things. I'm not a reporter....
Posted by Chris on Mon, 03 Sep 2007 09:53:00 PST

Full Contact Retail

Kreuger woke up sick. He crawled across the bed to the phone and dialed his work number, then rang his own desk. Focusing on the illuminated keypad as it throbbed and swirled, he punched in his passw...
Posted by Chris on Sun, 02 Sep 2007 02:06:00 PST

Ten Stories

The first time Max did it was in his car. It was like so many things in a young man's life. Done for the first time in cars: drinking, smoking, sex, and now this. Max was on his way back to Boston af...
Posted by Chris on Sat, 01 Sep 2007 09:23:00 PST

Bad Relationship

"God, I hate it when you do that," Laura said, and Dale Parker wondered how many times he had heard her say those same words. He tossed the crescent moon of toenail he had just ripped away from his b...
Posted by Chris on Fri, 31 Aug 2007 09:09:00 PST

Miss Teen South Carolina

             Poor Miss Teen South Carolina; she is taking more heat than a Delmonico ribeye on Labor Day, and all she did was emulate George W. Bu...
Posted by Chris on Wed, 29 Aug 2007 08:12:00 PST

Note to Michael Vick

Sorry doesn't cut it, jackass. 
Posted by Chris on Tue, 28 Aug 2007 01:31:00 PST

Leann Rimes at the Casino Ballroom

             Leann Rimes came to Hampton, New Hampshire. That's a 'wow' I think. I was impressed with the Casino Ballrom for having booked her, an...
Posted by Chris on Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:39:00 PST

Deuces Wild

Ahmet Al-Qafaar put his hand inside his jacket and shirt as he boarded the 8:15 Ben Yehuda Street bus in Tel Aviv. He fanned his fingers across a metal box that was welded shut and filled with screws,...
Posted by Chris on Fri, 24 Aug 2007 12:06:00 PST

My first yoga class

             In this the year of trying new things, I attended a yoga class for the first time on Tuesday morning. I ran into a friend at the coff...
Posted by Chris on Wed, 22 Aug 2007 11:36:00 PST