Ok Ok, enough with the copout physical description... In reality I'm a wierdo and I love to be me, I love hugs and friends and just being happy, and when I'm a moody depressed bitchy frigid lunatic asshole, you'll know it. But to tell the truth, I care about everyone, and I'll put myself in harm's way, just to keep you from having a bad day, if I have anything to say... about it... But you know I love you all, take care everyone, lotsa loves and hugs from Jake (Edit) Jacob is a hermit.. to the extent that he is more than just uncomfortable in public, and probably clinically socially phobic. Edit)
I love to read, Piers Anthony, Dean Koontz, Anne McAffrey, Weis and Hickman, plenty more...
I love to rock, I have no musical talent whatsoever, but I air guitar with the best, I don't care if you think it's dorky, I am a dork and proud of it. The music I enjoy most is any sort of Rock, Hard, Soft, heavy, Orchestral, Classical, old, new, alternative... Rock Rock Rock and Roll. I headbang, I like having long hair, I headbang to lose braincells because having brain cells and an imagination sometimes gives me a headache.
I have chronic clinical depression but I won't get treated for it. I have obsessive compulsive disorder about dishes, and organized messes. I deal with most of my problems by avoiding them, because I don't get problems that require confrontation. I don't like jewelry or makeup, in fact, things that sparkle, or dangle, especially coming out of someone's body, make me vomit. As do unnatural colors on their face, nails, or wherever, tattoos are different, they don't make me vomit... How do I deal with vomiting at the site of people who wear a lot of makeup and jewelry? I avoid them. I don't need to "deal with the problem" and "overcome" it, because I don't ever want to like those things(I don't want to like and accept jewelry/makeup because I have an affinity for druidism and purism, neither of which can I claim as my own religion, but I do follow portions of their beliefs.) I can stand engagement rings and wedding bands, even watches and non-beaded bracelets, I hate plastic beads, the plainer the wedding band the better, but whatever.
I never got the chance to be ANYTHING other than a nerd growing up, and I'm not blaming anyone, I lived five miles out of town and my dad wouldn't let me go into town alone, so my only friend growing up was my cousin, who I have a rivalry relationship with. The only thing I was allowed to do for the first five years was "Stop bugging me, go outside and play" at age six I was given a Nintendo for my birthday... before the Nintendo we had an atari 5200 or 5600 or whatever, but only one or two games for it.
Nothing was like Final Fantasy one for Nintendo, role playing games changed my life and my personality, I found it okay to be a hermit stuck in nowhere, because I could be a hero, or a group of heroes, saving the world, a princess, or the universe... I would enjoy LARP'ing, but I don't have the cahones to devote time to something that will require a lot of travel, money, and obscure remarks from observers. I do play DnD and its offshoots in the D20 system, and other roleplaying systems.
I believe in love, and all of its meanings, I love all humanity, I can't bring myself to hate anyone or anything, even if I use the term... the closest thing to hating I can come up with, is my picture of myself at times. I love my friends in individual ways, and as friends as a whole, my best friend I love like a brother that I consider I never had, and my best female friend I love like a different brand of sister, probably more than a sister. I have experienced being "in love" and will do so again, I have to believe that.
The reason I say I could hate myself, is because I can see myself in people's shoes... I've literally imagined every moment of Adolf Hitler's life, and being raised and believing that I was superior to all other races, that they needed to be erradicated, and that I grew up and acquired a place of power where I could order the systematic genocide of other races... I've imagined being in an episode of CSI, say there's an officer who has to tell a family that their daughter was raped and murdered... imagine being that officer... the mother or father... being the rape victim... now even imagine, being the rapist...? The reasons I could hate myself is because my imagination is too powerful, I sometimes convulse when I imagine myself in the life of someone unpleasant, violent, or insane...
Very important note!!: I do not believe I'm superior than anyone else in any way, I don't believe anyone deserves to die ever, unless it is their own request or wish, I despise the idea of rape, and murder, I am simply making examples of the worst things I've ever imagined, and how horrible they made me feel, and how frightening it is to know how certain minds work.
There, I've shared some pretty intimate, and maybe frightening stuff about myself, some of you already know this stuff, and those of you that don't, that aren't frightened by my bluntness and honesty, bring it on and talk to me.
By the way, check out http://www.birthpangs.com/rpg like I said in my interests section! If you go to http://www.birthpangs.com/ you can also see that the game owner has just recently published a novel, with a pretty wicked concept, yes... yes I'm whoring myself out, but hey, it's for a good cause right? Author's deserve advertisement, you all know I have dreams of being one at times.(an author not a whore lol)
Oh my lucky stars, I'm an optimist! Who'lda thunkit?
I'm happy again, I'm really actually truly happy, and 2008 will be great, 2007 was wonderful with a wonderful person, 2008 is going to be just as sweet, if not better, I could start listing people responsible for it, and telling them that I love them, but I think they know who they are. :) (Though not all of them use myspace either.)
