Julius von Brunk profile picture

Julius von Brunk

Bill Nye the Science Guy is the closest thing mankind has ever had to having a Messiah. I'm serious.

About Me

The name's Brunk... Julius von Brunk . I'm Lancaster Pennsylvania's only living folk hero and pop icon. Although my paying job is a small factory in my hometown, my chosen trade and future career is computer generated art. Whether it's making websites or making graphics, I kick ass at everything I do!

I'm a very serious and realistic person. I avoid having my profile looking complicated or hard to navigate, hence you'll see as much information listed here possible. I can also be very silly at times. I drink spaghetti sauce for real. My mind is permanently in the gutter. Tits. There, you see?
How come women from Germany have such large breasts? God damn it, there I go again.
Interesting tidbits:

    I currently weigh between 140-145 pounds. I weighed around 230 in early 2006. I make cartoons with Macromedia Flash. I am a Star Wars costume player. As of now, I have a full Death Star Officer uniform. My next projects will be an X-wing Pilot and a Royal Guard. I collect action figures, mostly Star Wars, Transformers and Nintendo collectibles. I also own hordes of LEGO's. I don't drive a car. I actually adopted a highway in East Petersburg. Click here to read the full scoop. I know a lot of things about a lot of things. I frequently get fired from jobs for the stupidest and most laughable affairs. I rule with graphic design. I wear long sleeves and long pants all year round. I didn't receive a high school diploma. No, it's not because I dropped out or got pregnant or anything. Long story, but there was a mix-up with the credits system. My face and name have been mentioned on TV a few times, hence my title "TV's Baron von Brunk". One time I tried to sleep with my friend's mom. I have never shoplifted before in my life. Pierogies are disgusting. I am a devoted classic video game player. Every girl I know who wears glasses hates me. I own dozens upon dozens of old vinyl records, even for musicians I don't like. I'm a Libertarian who votes Republican, however, when I'm 25, I'll run for PA state senator under the Fascist Party. Puerto Rican people think I'm cool. I never had the chicken pox, nor did I have my apendix or tonsils removed. During the Vietnam War, my grandpa blew up a whale. The average person takes in approximately 100-150% Vitamin C per day. I usually take 800-1500% daily. I look exactly like a Greek Byzantine saint named Demetrios. One of my cats has only one eye. Half of the Valley Forge police department was called on me when I tried to enter a hotel in 2004. In high school, I went to court against my principal and won both times. Barbara Eden is the oldest woman I'd ever have sex with. I have never been to a dentist. I am an uncle. My favorite color is glow-in-the-dark. I have small shoulders. One of my distant relatives was a 17th century Swedish colonist named Jonas Jonasson Bronk, who founded a piece of land that eventually became The Bronx, New York. Although my last name sounds like it's Norwegian, I can assure you it's not.

My cell phone number is 717-201-8424 . Only call after 3:30 pm and before 10 pm.
My personal homepage:
An independent horror movie site I help run:
Yule love it!

My Interests

Likes:

Old video games, owls, boobs, raw tuna fish, Street Fighter II, jukeboxes, Atari, Vitamin Water, Nintendo, PS2, robots, military history, explosions, cartoons, airplanes, bricks, dark haired chicks, dark haired chicks with glasses, big fluffy kitties, jetpacks, elephants, shovels, mushrooms, cats, pinball machines, tacos, Greek food, moths, crossword puzzles, cryptoquips, Mobile Suit Gundam, 80's action movies, bestiality jokes, action figures, America, black dress shirts, beards, girls a helluva lot older than me, Doom, Wolfenstein, chainsaws, firecrackers, Swamp Thing, porno, glow-in-the-dark stuff, ancient/medieval civilizations, Baked Lays potato chips, bug spray, 1960's Cinema, helicopters, Gatorade, Transformers, history books, crocodiles getting hit on the head with brooms, Bugs Bunny, Star Trek, Darth Vader, boots, goggles, oranges, hose monsters and fried chicken.
Dislikes: PETA, emo, hip-hop, fast food, Hot Topic, nu metal, protesters, Quentin Tarantino, modern action movies (like The Transporter and shit like that), Sudoku, blonde-haired blue-eyed girls*, anime, hentai, organic food, straightedge kids, cigarettes, emotions, drug addicts, Keith J. Bowers, punk rock, new Sonic the Hedgehog games, cars, Vin Diesel, hippies, Invader Zim, Napoleon Dynamite, shaggy haircuts, Sean Penn (what an ugly douchebag), The Matrix, religion/spirituality, coffee, Halo, pre-faded jeans, MTV, milk, VH1, reality shows, beaches, DOGS, and studded belts.

*As a preference, I like brunettes, but like, if a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes walked up to me and said, "Hey Julius! Can I suck your dick!?", it's not like I'm going to say "no" or anything. Duh.

I'd like to meet:

A hot Viking slut with short hair and a tramp stamp, and who has a chainmail thong, and rides around on a Norse longboat to pillage Anglo-Saxons.
Oh, by the way: I'd hate to sound like a prick, but I will NOT accept your friend request if your page takes too long to load, or if your mutual friends' list is disabled. I'm nice and all, but I get frustrated easy (especially is your Myspace page annoys me).
Before I die, I plan on...

    Getting seduced by a cougar. Fighting someone in fisticuffs as Beethoven's 5th Symphony is played. Having sex on top of a pinball machine (while it's making noises and stuff). Shooting a flaming arrow towards a roof made out of thatched straw. Constructing an accurate scale replica of a Greek mosaic out of LEGO blocks. Dressing up as a 1930's gangster, and driving around town in an old coupe. I'll even talk like Curly from the Three Stooges, to avoid breaking character.

Music:

* 80's heavy metal
* 60's & 70's rock
* Early 90's grunge
* Classical (especially German composers)
AC/DC
Aerosmith
Alice in Chains
The Animals
Beethoven
Black Sabbath
Buckner & Garcia
Cheap Trick
Cornbugs
Creedence Clearwater Revival
Dio
The Doobie Brothers
The Doors
Duran Duran
Ennio Morricone
Foreigner
Golden Earring
GWAR
Iron Maiden
Jethro Tull
Joe Walsh
Johnny Cash
John Philip Sousa
Judas Priest
The Kinks
Kiss
Led-Zeppelin
Manowar
(80's) Metallica
The Moody Blues
Pink Floyd
Quiet Riot
Rainbow
The Rolling Stones
Saxon
Sammy Hagar
Soundgarden
Spike Jones
Styx
Tchaikovsky
Tom Waits
Van Halen
The Ventures
Wagner
Wesley Willis
Warren Zevon
..Plus, a helluva lot more that I don't feel like naming.
Check out The Trakes ; I went to high school with 2/3 of their members. I made some music videos for them, too!

Movies:

War:
* 633 Squadron
* Battle of the Bulge
* The Blue Max
* The Dirty Dozen
* The Great Escape
* The Longest Day
* Patton
* Stalag 17
* Von Ryan's Express
007:
* A View to a Kill
* Goldeneye
* Goldfinger
* Live & Let Die
* The Man With the Golden Gun
* Moonraker
Action/adventure:
* American Ninja
* Batman: The Movie
* Death Wish
* Dick Tracy
* Dirty Harry
* Doc Savage: The Man of Bronze
* Hot Fuzz
* Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
* Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade
* Maximum Overdrive
* Predator
* Raiders of the Lost Ark
* Robocop
* The Rocketeer
* Rocky IV
* Swamp Thing
* The Warriors
Comedy:
* BASEketball
* Beetlejuice
* Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
* Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
* Billy Madison
* Borat
* Cheech & Chong's Corsican Brothers
* Cheech & Chong's Still Smokin'
* Dirty Work
* Happy Gilmore
* Leonard Part 6
* Monty Python & The Holy Grail
* Monty Python's Meaning of Life
* Spaceballs
* Super Troopers
* Wayne's World
* Wayne's World 2
* Weekend at Bernie's
* Wrongfully Accused
Sci-Fi/Fantasy:
* A New Hope (IV)
* Back to the Future (1,2, & 3)
* Clash of the Titans
* Deathrace 2000
* The Empire Strikes Back (V)
* Ghostbusters
* Ghostbusters 2
* Judge Dredd
* Return of the Jedi (VI)
* Revenge of the Sith (III)
* Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan
* Tremors
* Tron
* The Wizard of Oz
Western:
* A Fistful of Dollars
* The Big Gundown
* Death Rides a Horse
* The Good, The Bad & The Ugly
* The Magnificent Seven
* Once Upon a Time in the West
Animation:
* Beavis & Butthead Do America
* Dumbo
* The Jungle Book
* The Lion King
* Transformers: The Movie
* Victory Through Air Power
Other:
* The Blues Brothers
* The Doors
* Forrest Gump
* Led-Zeppelin: Song Remains the Same
* Mr.T's Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool
* One-Hour Photo
* Pink Floyd: The Wall

Television:

The A-Team
Degrassi: The Next Generation
The Young Ones
Hogan's Heroes
Futurama
Legends of the Hidden Temple
Beavis & Butthead
Transformers
The Ren & Stimpy Show
Married... With Children
Wacky Races
MacGyver
Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Books:

porno

Heroes:

History:
Winston Churchill
King Frederick Barbarossa
Casey Jones (the railroad engineer)
Teddy Roosevelt
General G.S. Patton
Ponce de Leon
Wernher von Braun
General G.A. Custer
General William Sherman
Davy Crockett
Ronald Reagan
General Omar Bradley
Thomas Edison
Abraham Lincoln
Video Games:
Billy Mitchell
Nolan Bushnell
Tommy Tallarico
Shigeru Miyamoto
Movies/TV:
Mel Blanc
Charles Bronson
Gallagher
George Lucas
Sly Stallone
Hulk Hogan
Steve McQueen
Clint Eastwood
Christopher Lloyd
Roger Moore
Telly Savalas
Cheech Marin
Harrison Ford
Walt Disney
Bill Nye the Science Guy
Mr. T
Richard Dean Anderson
Sean Connery
Henry Fonda
Christopher Lee
Music:
Johnny Cash
Jim Morrison
Jerry Cantrell
Rob Halford
Jimmy Page
Steven Tyler
Tony Iommi
Bon Scott
Ian Anderson
Syd Barrett
Bruce Dickinson
David Gilmour
Ludwig van Beethoven
Ronnie James Dio
Johnny Horton
Gene Simmons
Spike Jones
Chris Cornell
Kim Thayil
Warren Zevon
Characters:
James Bond 007
Francisco Scaramanga
Captain Kirk
Darth Sidious/Emperor Palpatine
Indiana Jones
Angus MacGyver
Ultra Magnus
Al Bundy
Howling Mad Murdock
Donald Duck
Stimpson J. Cat
Devastator
Pinky and The Brain
Space Ghost
Dick Tracy
Starscream
Judge Dredd
Brak
Colonel Klink
Dick Dastardly
Vyvyan Basterd
BARON VON BRUNK'S DETAILS OF JUSTICE!
Status: Single
Here for: Blowjobs and cheap sex
Orientation: Straight
Hometown: Lancaster City, PA
Body Type: 5'11'' / Athletic
Sperm count: A lot
Ethnicity: German, Native American, French, Romanian Gypsy, and possibly some Scandanavian
Religion: Sith Lord
Sign: Scorpio
Smoke / Drink: NO / NO
Children: Stashed in the freezer by this old geezer. I thaw 'em out, I pop a pill, and man, they taste good on the grill!
Education: Hempfield High School 2003
Occupation: Viking, cowboy, Obergruppenführer, dashboard meter assembly guy man.
Income: Whatever I finds, I keeps.

My Blog

I hate almost everything about the music industry!

Ok, get ready for yet another rant in the vast and never ending war on atrocious music. As most of you know, for the past few months I've been working at a small factory in East Pete. What I never men...
Posted by Julius von Brunk on Wed, 11 Jun 2008 06:20:00 PST

No April Fools here; This is the real deal!

Hey kids! Get ready for another long blog entry to sum up the past months or so! Part I: How necromantic of you! I can’t be the only guy who does this. Every now and then I’ll go to an old...
Posted by Julius von Brunk on Tue, 01 Apr 2008 02:55:00 PST

Final day of voting -- Reel Splatters finest hour and one shot at glory!

All of the bulletins, all of the blog entries... And all of the personal recruitments for votes that I've given to you guys individually at your jobs have finally paid off for one night; Our one shot ...
Posted by Julius von Brunk on Fri, 07 Mar 2008 12:27:00 PST

Im so defiant, it hurts.

Remember those stupid standardized tests things we had to do in high school all the time? You know, the ones that required a number 2 pencil and like eight hours of time, and if you did bad or good it...
Posted by Julius von Brunk on Sun, 24 Feb 2008 11:45:00 PST

Take My Breath Away!

In between production for "Womb For Two", the Reel Splatter crew and I made a quick little flick to keep you fans satisfied! If you ever wanted to know how I stay so young, watch and learn my horrible...
Posted by Julius von Brunk on Thu, 24 Jan 2008 11:22:00 PST

Nice guys may finish last, but Vikings wear cool helmets and kill stuff a lot!

So the other day (by that, I mean a few hours ago) I was at Gargano's Pizzeria with Mike Lombardo and Mike Yanni. Somehow, a discussion veered off into a tangent about all guys being sensitive, nice p...
Posted by Julius von Brunk on Fri, 21 Dec 2007 10:21:00 PST

Clear plastic cubes (you can all thank me later).

Remember those toy commercials in the 90's, when they'd have a wall made out of clear cubes getting knocked over by the action figure's weapon, to simulate how powerful it was? I wonder how many other...
Posted by Julius von Brunk on Fri, 16 Nov 2007 10:25:00 PST

Quasimodos Quasi Advice: The weirdest thing Ive ever created!

Parts of this were inspired by jokes thought up between me, Hunter Van Ormer and/or Skot Shaub when we were really young: Click on "Impeach Gorbachev!" after the credits for a special easte...
Posted by Julius von Brunk on Wed, 07 Nov 2007 12:34:00 PST

Baron von Brunk vs. Predator (para Espanol)!

Two weeks ago, I was hired by the temp agency to monitor a partially completed hospital to ensure the building doesn't catch on fire. On my last night there, someone took the only working boombox, whi...
Posted by Julius von Brunk on Mon, 01 Oct 2007 03:23:00 PST

Baron von Brunk: Enemy of the State, and "worst man alive" says TV Guide.

The following episode of M*A*S*H is in black & white with no laugh track... THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD! Washington DC [AP]: In recent news, a Lancaster man by the name of Julius "I suffer from ...
Posted by Julius von Brunk on Sun, 09 Sep 2007 10:57:00 PST