**Raven**

OK about me??? Well, I am a 25 year old single mother to a beautiful girl named Natalie. She is my life and is the reason I am who I am. She was born with a very rare brain condition called lissencephaly. It limits her ability to do much past what a 3 month level baby could do. She will be this way for life and has already lived past her life expectancy. Lately she has been having a lot of problems with her breathing and feeding. It is expected with her condition. My main goal is to make sure she is happy and comfortable. Natalie turned 4 in June and it is a true blessing that I got to celebrate another birthday with her. I'm hoping it's not the last, but everyday is a struggle. Eventually her body will be too big for what her brain can do. She is already starting to have the problems that kids with her condition get when there bodies are just too weak to do it on their own and need some extra interventions. I have already made decisions about how long I will let modern medicine keep her alive. I have to let God in a little and let go of what I can't control and let him be in control. Very hard thing to do, if you have never had to do that. Mothers fight to keep their children healthy and alive and do whatever they have to do and sometimes we as mothers get selfish. It's very difficult to admit that there is nothing I can do to keep Natalie here for another 60 years and have her out live me. It wouldn't be fair to her. I now know and realize that. She can live just 4 or 5 years, but be very happy, or I could keep her here for much longer and have her go through lots of surgeries, medicine changes, painful procedures, and eventually when she is too big to take care of, having her admitted into a nursing home. I would rather have just 4 or 5 great years than all that mess. Whenever the Lord calls her home, I will let her go. She can go to the most wonderful place and then I get a gaurdian angel. We both win. It will be hard to loose her, but it would be harder for the both of us if I keep her here with me and be selfish. There isn't a lot I can say about me except I love taking care of my daughter. This is my life and I'm proud to be doing it.