First thing you should know about me is that I am the most important person in the world. "Why?", you ask. Well, the answer is obvious. Too obvious for me to grace with a response. Besides, who are you to question me, I'm the Most Important One here...Jeez!
I am both Handsome and Brilliant, not to mention I have a lovely singing voice. I smell like Rose Petals infused with Sunshine. I'm impossibly strong, while remaining compassionate to those lessers around me. I have a lush, full head of hair, but shave most of it to keep the Ladies at bay.
I am married to the most beautiful woman I have ever seen(this part is true). She has eyes that melt me. Big and brown, think japanese anime but not creepy. She's funny beyond control, I laugh till I cry. Not that I cry, I'm too manly for that. She is neurotic and obssesive...I love that about her. She is the prettiest of three sisters, and that is saying something(knock-outs). Good Genes!
Speaking of genes, I have passed them onto the cutest boy to ever grace Terra Firma. Watch out girls, you've got about 16 years before... He is the coolest little guy. He loves to beat me up(HIIIYAKA!)and is currently obsessed with Pirates! He's brilliant(that came from ME, heehee)! He's only 2 and he built a fully functional partical accelerator out of Mr. potato head parts. No, really, Mr. Potato head.
I work for Federated Dept stores, in thier Covert Operations and Tactics Division. I'm deep undercover as a Home Store Manager...I love the Knives, it's why I go to work. I hope nobody reads this and makes me.
After reading this you might feel compelled to worship me. That is not neccesary, in lieu of praise please send donations to the Get Matt a Sports Car Foundation care of ME!!!!!!
