skateboarding
people that reember him for who he was and that knew him as a friendwas hoping I'd never have to write this column.There are things I'd rather not remember, things that seem better to leave alone.But given the circumstances of early Saturday morning in Webster, I feel compelled to tell you why I got involved with the family after the apparent self-inflicted death of Zach Zibell. And that's because of the effect it has on me and and on the community.I've lost four people in my life in this same manner — two of whom I considered friends, while one was a friend at the time in high school and the other was an acquaintance from my swimming career.Three of the four were popular in school, never providing any kind of hint anything was wrong with them. The other person wrote a quote while we were hanging out, but it never kicked in right away.The first intentional death I dealt with was in 1998. She was one of my old teammates.I was surprised how nice she was to me as a freshman and sophomore during her junior and senior years. But I was even more surprised to discover her death by reading the newspaper.The second one came a year later, and was of a classmate. He and I got along great in class, always joking around. I also recalled how popular he was with the ladies.When I found out about his death, it really bothered me because he gave no indication to me anything was wrong.The third one is the only story I really know about. (His father told me he found a note next to the body). He was a really nice guy who just had a lot of bad luck.But I'll always remember him for talking music and listening to me while venting about college or women issues. He always listened and then we always laughed about it in the end.The fourth one happened almost a year ago and it came after he told me he would never take his own life. I felt bad because the last time I saw him at a concert in Minneapolis we briefly exchanged hello.And now, here I am again, dealing with the death of 15-year-old Zach Zibell. It forced me to revisit the four previous deaths over and over, remembering the hurt and wondering what I could have done or if I could have been a better friend.It doesn't get any easier dealing with this. But it's not something to dwell on, but only remember.Being a teenager and a young adult is not easy. There are many hardships that don't get openly discussed — especially in a smaller community like Webster.But something positive is coming out of this.It brought a community together to remember the good time. But more importantly, it may help us learn from this experience and inspire other teens or young adults not to do the same thing — but to look for other options, to remember the friends and family they leave behind and most important, to put a high value on their own life.Tragedies like this are always permanent solutions to temporary problems.No one will ever know why they ended their lives except for them. And in a hard time like this, the Zibells need all the love and support they can get while they continue to mourn Zach's death.But what I learned about Zach, his family would tell us we'd need a good laugh and celebrate his life, which is the same the other four had me do during their services. I think it's the only way they can truly rest in peace.And because of my past experience, it felt good talking to Zach's family and friends and celebrate his life. As I explained why I decided to pursue the story, I had to open up about the tragedies in my life and what I've gone through.It was not only emotional for them, but me too.I'd like to thank Barb, Jon, Luke and their "extended family" for opening up to me about Zach's life and what he meant to them during his short time on this earth.My only hope is we can all learn from this experience and provide hope for any young person who might consider suicide as an option. And perhaps we can give them hope.My thoughts and deepest sympathies remain with Zach's family.
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