sweet_essence

I hang on thin air. Grasping at nothing. I see myself falling again, arising only after pain numbs my sadness. I seek for someone to listen, but I dont want to trouble them. Insatiable is my hunger for comfort and ease of mind; gained but lost in memory or song or smell. I fear to hear the same advice but what else can anyone give me? No one can, but i somehow still silently expect them to, nobody but me can do it, but it only gets harder to stand up; let alone make it that far. Quitting is no strategy, but it points the only door open for me. I've been frantically searching for other oppurtunities, I've tried to quit once before but it's done nothing but cause more harm. It gets difficult when although you know the response to your question, you're still left with that lingering feeling of incompletion. I dig for more only to find clay and dirt; ALAS no beautiful treasure to be found. I lash at those with pure honesty, truth hurts they say. I have no strenght for full TRUTH, but each blow to the face has to be endured. IM angry at everyone who kept asking questions and searching further into something I dont even want to dive into. Im driven into SHAME, feeling NOTHING but LOSSES when i press on to achieve personal success. ALONE, in the end is how i feel. All of you have to go away at one point. I have to be BRAVE and face the TRUTH. Bare hands and the clothes on my back is all im armed with. I want to have FAITH in myself again, i want to FEEL color in my cheeks, I want to FEEL anything other than this. Im angry at myself, because I know that i keep asking for something that no one can give me, not even myself. I'm losing CONTROL, i brought this upon myself. I set myself for DEVASTATION and loss but i dont regret anything. RISKING it all is what i did, i dont know... Even if i wanted help, no one is around to help me through. Expecting leads to DISAPPOINTMENT... aiming to high makes you MISS, living will make you die. As i write what i'm feeling, my tears slowly burn deeper scars; To HEAL is to recuperate which is to DEAL, which is to HURT. Finding SANCTUARY... nowhere. I search for my HERO to sweep me off my feet, to remind me that my heart knows of something called HAPPINESS. I've yet to fully understand why i feel the way i feel. I need guidance. Help me remember why i fall inlove or why i keep on HOLDING ON. Show me the way to grab hold of more than air.. help me to BREATH again...