Let’s see… I’m 19, white, poor, in college, in love, far away, funny, somewhat intelligent, calm, loud, silent, a book worm, not a native, move a lot, change a lot, not tall, not short, do not have black, blond, red, grey, green, or blue hair, I have the same color eyes, I enjoy games of all kinds, I ware a hat most days, I miss my piercing, my family, my friends, and my beautiful girl, my shirts mostly consist of smart ass remarks, and I hate shorts because my legs are hairy, I like music of all genres, but I don’t listen to rap or country often, I don’t really have a home, a car or a computer, I walk a lot, and don’t have sex, but not by choice, my heroes die, I’m skinny, but not muscular, I don’t like taking off my shirt, because of backacne, I have a farmers tan, I hate TV, but still watch it, I love and hate with a passion, I have a low opinion of humanity, but cant help liking them, I don’t really mind, but cant help thinking, I’m pretty vain, and cant understand why, I cant spell, draw, write, or sing well, I act, I tell the truth, I tell lies, I do all three, but never to my self, I’m a movie junky, but don’t like most moves, I add, subtract, but never multiply, I hold grudges, I’m human, I’m a hypocrite, but try not to be, I forgive, I forget, I rarely remember, I rely, I depend, I need, I want, I leave, I come back, I go on. You?
Here are a few thoughts that took me 19 years to learn.
1. Never under any Circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between"surfing" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. And if God, who is said to have created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messanger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
8. nobody cares if you can't dance well. just get up and dance.
9. Never lick a steak knife.
10. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
11. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
12. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we still observe daylight savings time.
13. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
14. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11
15. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic backround, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
16. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
17. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter is not a nice person.
18. Never be afraid to try somthing new. Remember that amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
19. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.
20. Your friends love you anyway.
Living Will Form
I, Connor Magnoli, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it. Nor in the hands of Lawyers/Docters who are interested simply in running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least on the following:
Bloody Mary,
Margarita,
Scotch and soda,
Martini,
Vodka and tonic,
Steak,
Lobster, or crab legs,
The TV remote,
Video games,
My computer,
Or sex
…it should be presumed that I won’t ever get better.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.
At this point, it is time to call a New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come their thing at my funeral, and ask all my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we had.
Signature:Connor Magnoli
Date:____________
I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a pub. The patients are happier and they have a lot more visitors.
