Marc

Now living in Glasgow after finally tiring of Leicester and all that it has to offer. I have left my previous housemates Beef and Welsh Zoe and I am now living with Korean in a nice flat and seeing my current boyfriend Electrosexual . A special mention goes out to Ashley Peacock who was part of the Beaconsfield Road massive 2005-2006, who I am also missing.

I like to hoard things. I have every cinema ticket, train, subway and underground ticket I've ever bought. I go all tingly when people whistle. I can't actually whistle myself. Sometimes my eyes look blue, sometimes green and sometimes just crappy and dull. I have an accent of my own, people have asked if I'm from South Africa, USA, Canada, France, Wales and Norfolk. People in Cannock even ask where I'm from (but that's just because they're thick). I have to answer the phone in between the rings. I can't answer it while it's in the middle of ringing, I just can't. I can't be in the same room as someone eating rice cakes. The smell from them is pure evil. Don't send me a friend request unless you either know me or have sent me a message, I'm not going to add you. Movies I have fell asleep during at the cinema: Star Wars Episode 2, The Stepford Wives, Hitchhiker's Guide, Wallace & Gromit and Superman Returns. I love Mentos. It's verging on addiction. Zane Lowe thinks I touched his bum, but I really really didn't. Beth did. I don't eat fruit at all, ever. I have a milk addiction. I probably have ADD, I get distracted very easily and forget what I'm doing frequently. I have six (now only three!) points on my driving licence. I am a good driver though.

Helpful hints for shopping at Tesco I no longer work on the checkouts at Tesco, but here are some pointers for your next shopping visit anyway:

If you have a clubcard, give it to me BEFORE you give me your cash/card. Sometimes I can't be arsed to ask for it, so don't moan that you then have to go to customer services to have your points put on just because you didn't bother to get it out. DO NOT ask if you can enter your PIN number before I have even swiped your card. Use your brain, no you cannot enter it yet.
When you enter your PIN number in wrong, don't ask me what to do, actually open your eyes and read the screen on the Chip and PIN terminal, it tells you what to do. When using self-service you need to point the BARCODE at the scanner, just waving the item around at the till won't get you anywhere. At Tesco we provide a selection of trolleys. Large trolleys, small trolleys, trolleys with baby seats and disabled trolleys. If there are no small trolleys left, DO NOT take one of our very limited disabled trolleys and then walk around the store kicking the wheelchair attachments for getting in the way. Yes, the key fob you have is indeed a Clubcard, that's why it has "Clubcard" written on it. We only offer up to £50 cashback. We're a supermarket, if you want more than that then go to a fucking bank. And I don't give two shits if Sainsbury's gives £100 cashback. The 10 items or less tills mean exactly that, if you try to go to one with a full trolley I WILL turn you away, so don't have a hissy fit. If you're really so eager to eat or drink the food that you are purchasing then go to a checkout and buy them first, I DO NOT want to be left with sticky wrappers to scan the barcode on, no matter what you say you are not "starving" and you can quite easily last until the end of your shopping trip. When I laugh at your shit attempt at being funny it is not a prompt for you to carry on. Examples of things I've heard about two thousand times are: When I ask if you want help packing: "I've brought my packer with me, har har." "You can help me paying, titter titter." When I check your notes: "I made it this morning" If I'm feeling in a good mood I will ask if you'd like any help with your packing, this means exactly that, it does not mean that I'd like to pack your entire £200 bulk shopping whilst you stand there talking to your chav boyfriend and the five kids you've had by each of your cousins. Conversely, if I don't offer help, the general idea is that you pack your shopping while I scan it, you don't wait until right at the end to start and then waste ten minutes packing your stuff when I could be serving the next cunt. Learn what it is you're buying. If you buy an apple with no label on it telling me which type it is then how do you expect me to know when you don't even know? It is NOT company policy to ask you if you want cashback, if you do want it then say so either when you give your debit card to me or before, don't leave it until after the transaction has gone through because yes, it is too late. Tesco does not exclusively employ psychics. Don't be all pissy if I start to scan the next customer's shopping along with yours because you and them couldn't be arsed to put one of our available dividers at the end of your shopping. Also, don't then grab a divider and slam it down on the belt as if that suddenly makes it ok. If you're so rude that you can't even end your phone conversation for five minutes whilst you pack your shopping and pay then I will be rude enough to not offer help and send it all flying down as fast as I can. When you enter your PIN number there is no need to cover it as if you're entering the secret codes that reveal where the weapons of mass destruction really are, nobody gives a flying fuck what your number is. On the same note, when I say "Do you know your PIN number?" the answer I expect is "yes" and then for you to enter it into the pad yourself, not for you to say it out loud to me, that slightly defeats the point of it. No I don't "look bored". Piss off.

Marc's Games

Nintendo Wii

Excite Truck The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess Sonic & the Secret Rings Wario Ware: Smooth Moves Wii Play Wii Sports

Nintendo GameCube

F-Zero GX The Legend Of Zelda: Collector's Edition The Legend Of Zelda: The Wind Waker Mario Kart: Double Dash!! Mario Party 5 Mario Power Tennis Metroid Prime Metroid Prime 2: Echoes Mortal Kombat 4 Pokémon Colosseum Shadow The Hedgehog Sonic Adventure DX Sonic Adventure 2 Battle Sonic Mega Collection Sonic Heroes Soul Calibur 2 StarFox Adventures Super Mario Sunshine Super Smash Bros. Melee TimeSplitters 2

Nintendo DS

Animal Crossing: Wild World Big Brain Academy Brain Age Bust A Move DS Mario Kart DS Metroid Prime: Hunters Metroid Prime: Hunters: First Hunt More Brain Training New Super Mario Bros. Nintendogs: Dachshund And Friends Pokémon Pearl Polarium Sim City DS Sonic Rush Super Mario 64 DS Tetris DS Wario Ware: Touched Wario Ware: Touched Demo Yoshi's Island DS Yoshi Touch & Go

Nintendo Game Boy Advance

Kuru Kuru Kururin Legend Of Zelda: A Link To The Past and Four Swords Legend Of Zelda: The Minish Cap F-Zero: Maximum Velocity Mario Kart: Super Circuit Pokémon Emerald Pokémon Leaf Green Sonic Advance Super Mario Advance