ABOUT ME GBALL:
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THIS IS WHERE IT ALL STARTS!!!! "MY FAMILY" } LIFE IS FULL OF SMILES AND CRIES!!!!!I'M A COOL NIGGA FROM THA "A". TYPE OF PERSON THAT LIKES TO HAVE FUN AND LIVE HIS LIFE TO THA FULLEST REGAURDLESS OF WHO THINKS WHAT ABOUT ME AND WHO SAYS WHAT ABOUT ME, BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MAKE SENCE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE TRYIN TO PLEASE OTHER. YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY, AND THATS FORREAL. FOR THA MOST PART I'M LAID BACK AND SOMEWHAT QUIET UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW ME, BUT GET ON MY BAD SIDE, FOR EVERYONE WHO KNOWS WHAT IT MEANS, YOU WILL TRUELY GAGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN ABOUT (YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME) "YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME", THOUGH I KNEW YOU WEREN'T TELLING THE TRUTH, EVERYONE EXCEPT FOR ME KNEW. I ASKED YOU WHAT WAS WRONG WITH YOU, AND YOU SAID, I'M COOL. AS TIME PASSED, AND WE SPENT LESS AND LESS TIME TOGETHER, I RECIEAVED A CALL, THAT I WASN'T EXPECTING AT ALL. WHEN I HEARD THE NEWS I RUSHED TO BE BY YOUR SIDE. WHEN I ARRIVED AT THE HOSPITAL THEY TOLD ME I SHOULD SIT DOWN, THAT YOU WERE VERY SICK, THAT YOU HAD AIDS AND YOU WERE GOING TO DIE. I WENT TO YOUR BEDSIDE AND LOOKED AT YOU WITH TEARS IN MY EYES. I SAID " YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LIE?" I RECIEAVED NO REPLY, JUST A WEAK, WEAK SIGH. MOMENTS LATER I FELT YOU CLENTCH MY HAND, SAYING " IT'S TIME FOR ME TO BE ON MY WAY, FOR ME TO GO ON HOME TO A BETTER PLACE, BUT BEFORE I COULD REPLY YOU CLOSED YOUR EYES AND YOU DIED. I LOVE YOU UNCLE BOONIE! R.I.P. -COMING OUT- WHATS GUD WORLD? IT’S AUGUST 9, 2006. YA GUY SITTIN BACK THINKING ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT HE HAS GONE THROUGH IN THE 21 YEARS THAT HE HAS BEEN HERE ON THIS EARTH. YA KNOW LIFE IS FULL OF TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS, AND UPS AND DOWNS. YOU HAVE RELATIONSHIPS THAT BEGIN AND END, FRIENDS THAT COME AND GO, AND LOVED ONES THAT PERISH AND LEAVE YOU BEHIND WITH THE PRECIOUS MEMORIES, BUT YOU HAVE TO KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE OUT THERE IN THIS CRUEL WORLD THAT HAS IT WORST OFF THAN YOU DO. AND THEN AT TIMES YOU SIT BACK AND YOU THINK ABOUT THINGS AND IT JUST DOESN’T SEEM LIKE LIFE SHOULD BE THIS HARD. IT REALLY MAKES YOU THINK ABOUT WHY WE GO THROUGH THE THINGS THAT WE GO THROUGH AND DO THE THINGS THAT WE DO. -IN THE BEGINNING- EVERY SINCE I WAS A CHILD, OR I GUESS I SHOULD SAY EVERY SINCE I COULD REMEMBER, I’VE HAD THAT CURIOUSITY ABOUT MY SELF. MOST PEOPLE KNOW WHAT I’M TALKIN ABOUT. IF NOT, YOU DO NOW. WHY I HAVE THESE FEELINGS, I DON’T KNOW WHY. I WISH SOMEONE COULD TELL ME WHY. IT’S LIKE A POSSESION THAT JUST WON’T LEAVE MY BODY AND IT KEEPS MY FLESH IN AN UPROAR. AT THE AGE OF 16 I DECIDED THAT I HAD ENOUGH OF TRYIN TO HIDE WHAT I FELT WAS TRULY ME. THESE FEELINGS STARTED AT THE AGE OF 8 OR 9 YEARS OLD. YOU KNOW I DID THINGS OUT OF CURIOUSITY AND YOU KNOW I REALLY NEVER THOUGHT, IT WAS THE FARTHEST THING FROM MY MIND, BUT TI GOT THE BEST OF ME. AT AGE 16 I WAS HANGING OUT WITH THE OLDER CROWD AND SNEEKIN OUT TO HANG OUT WITH MY GAY FRIENDS AND GOING TO ALL THE GAY FUNCTIONS THAT MY MOTHER HAD NO IDEA I WAS GOING TO. THE PERSON THAT I KNEW I COULD TRUST NOT ANYONE ELSE, I KEPT THIS FROM, OR ATLEAST I THOUGHT SHE DIDN’T KNOW. I GOT TIERD OF NOT BEING ABLE TO BE ME AND TRYING TO HIDE MY FEELINGS THAT I HAD TO THE SAME SEX. I CAME OUT TO MY MOTHER AND MY FATHER. AND I THANK GOD THAT I HAVE THE MOTHER THAT I HAVE BECAUSE SHE ACCEPTED ME FOR BEING ME NOMATTER WHAT. SHE TOLD ME THAT I DON’T WANT THIS FOR YOU AND I PRAY THAT YOU WILL COME OUT OF IT, BUT YOU ARE MY SON AND I LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS WILL. SHE SAT ME DOWN AND TALKED TO ME ABOUT THE RISKS THAT I WOULD BE TAKIN GOING THROUGH WITH THIS AND I WAS VERY WELL AWARE OF THEM. PEOPLE WERE GOING TO TALK, I DIDN’T CARE, THEY TALKED ABOUT JESUS TOO AND YOU SEE IT DIDN’T STOP HIM. RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN WHY I HIDE YOUR TRUE SELF??? SOME PEOPLE GO THERE WHOLE LIVES HIDING WHO THEY REALLY ARE AND I DECIDED THAT I WASN’T GOING TO BE ONE OF THEM. I JUST COULDN’T DO IT ANYMORE. MY FATHER ON THE OTHER HAND, HE DIDN’T TAKE THINGS SO WELL. MY WAS THE TYPE OF MAN THAT WAS ALWAYS APART OF MY LIFE. HE CAME TO ALL MY TRACK MEETS, FOOTBALL GAMES, AND SCHOOL FUNCTONS. SO I REALLY CAN’T SAY THAT HE WASN’T APART OF MY LIFE. ME AND MY FATHER’S RELATIONSHIP JUST FELL APART. IT WAS LIKE WE HIT A BRICK WALL. WE STOPPED TALKIN LIKE WE USED TO AND SPENING TIME LIKE WE USED TO. ME AND MY DAD WERE LIKE ME AND MY MOM, REALLY CLOSE. IT WAS LIKE I HAD SHAMED HIM, AND CURSED HIS NAME. THAT’S HOW HE MADE ME FEEL. THE MAN THAT SUPPOSED TO BE MY FATHER CALLED ME OUT MY NAME AND TOLD THAT HE DOESN’T LOVE ME. SIX YEARS AGO TO PRESENT DAY, I STILL REMEMBER THAT DAY LIKE IT WAS YEASTERDAY. HE CAME AT ME WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS YOU ASK A CHILD WHEN THEY TELL YOU SOMEHTING LIKE THIS. DID SOMEONE TOUCH YOU? WERE YOU RAPED? EVERYTHING HE COULD THINK OF TO FIGURE OUT WHY I FELT THE WAY I FELT. I DIDN’T HAVE AN ANSWER. WHY? BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW MYSELF. THINGS HAVE NOT BEEN THE SAME EVER SINCE THAT DAY. AND DON’T GET ME WRONG I LOVE MY FATHER WITH ALL MY HEART AND I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO HAVE BACK WHAT WE USED TO HAVE. I MISS GOING TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM AND US TELLING EACHOTHER “I LOVE YOUâ€. YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT’S BEEN SINCE I HAVE HEARD THOSE WORDS FROM MY FATHER. I JUST WANT TO HEAR HIM SAY “I LOVE YOU SONâ€. -FEBRUARY 18, 2003 TO PRESENT DAY- I BEEN LIVING THIS LIFESTYLE FOR 6 GOING ON 7 YEARS NOW. I HAVE HAD SOME GOOD TIMES AND I HAVE HAD SOME BAD TIMES. I HAVE HAD UPS AND I HAVE HAD DOWNS, BUT I DO BELIEAVE THAT MY GOOD DAYS OUT WAY MY BAD DAYS. I WENT THROUGH THAT PHASE OFF THAT HOTT BOI, BUT I REALIZED THAT WASN’T ME, WITH THE QUICKNESS. OKAY!!!!!!! I HAVE HAD BOIFRIENDS COME AND BOIFRIENDS GO. I HAVE HAD LOVE AND HAD LOVE LOST. I BEEN THROUGH DEPRESSION, NOT EATING, LOSSING WEIGHT, YOU NAME IT. I’M ON THE PROWL FOR LOVE. IS IT OUT THERE? IF IT IS SOMEONE POINT ME IN THE DIRECTION I NEED TO GO TO FIND IT. I THOUGHT I FOUND IT ONCE. I WAS SO IN LOVE, BUT I GUESS IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. AND I’M TELLIN YA’LL IT’S MESSED UP WHEN YOU IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE AND THEY NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU, AND ONCE APON A TIME THEY WERE. WHEN YOU DON’T WANT ANYONE ELSE BUT THAT ONE PERSON AND THEY WON’T GIVE YOU THE TIME OF DAY. I LEARNED THOUGH, IT’S BETTER TO HAVE LOVED THAN TO HAVE NOT LOVED AT ALL. THIS LIEFSTYLE IS FULL OF PAIN AND ANGUISH, PLEASE BELIEAVE. AND AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT IS TO COME. I’M TIERD OF BEING HURT AND LIED TO, NOT BEING TREATED LIKE FEEL I SHOULD BE TREATED, AND NOT BEING LOVED LIKE I WANT TO BE LOVED. SEE THE THING ABOUT ME IS, WHEN I LOVE, I LOVE HARD. I PUT MY ALL INTO IT. IT’S 100% FROM JUMP. SOMEONE ONCE TOLD ME THAT I LIVE IN A FANTASY WORLD OF BEING IN LOVE. I TOLD THEM I DON’T FEEL THAT I’M WRONG FOR WANTING TO BE IN LOVE. WANTING TO BE WITH SOMEONE THAT I CAN LOVE THAT LOVES ME JUST THE SAME. I BEEN THROUGH A LOT LIVING THIS THING CALLED LIFE. AND JUST A LITTLE WORD OF ADVICE TO THOSE WHO ARE JUST STARTING TO THIS LIFE OF THE GAY LIFESTYLE, IT’S NOT ALL FUN AND GAMES. IT’S REAL LIFE. BECAREFUL, BE SAFE, KEEP IT REAL AND HONEST, CARRY YOURSELF WITH CLASS AND PRIDE. MOST OF ALL RESPECT YOURSELF!!!!!!
