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Anyone whos up for a new friendI know there are errors here sorryHere i am sitting alone with out.. the warmth of not a person but love. and i dont mean love as in lover parnter or such.. just a friend to reach out to I strive so hard to help those that i can that i sometimes forget that i am the one that matters.. I dont know where I made the wrong turn excactly... Or maybe I never made the turn at all .... i dont know how else to explain it.... this may seem to ramble but its ok thats just me.... I am here trying to stand on my two feet and prove that i can do it.. be a caring person.... but i am finding as i had known beofore that the nice guys Always finish last...i mean maybe i dont have a job... But i wear many hats or so its seems to me i do.. taxi cab driver, socail worker, medeator, maid, friend, that gay guy lol. I clean I cook not a fan of windows though for those of you who where thinking about calling ( may do it if the price is right lol)... I try to make sure that everyone around me is happy and comfortable... i sometimes make them so comfortable i become uncomfortable maybe its not uncomfortable it kinda make feel taken advantage of.. (strange i know)..and thats a tough spot to be in.... I want the everyone to get along and i know thats not always possiable...but if ppl would just smile more and take a deep breath life would not be so stressful.... we are human we all make mistakes ( i know i have made my share) and i admit it thats the start.. to just sit back and take a deep breath... there is no reason to yell at the store clerk or the server at the resturant .... just treat those as you want to be treated and lord i know i have done my fair share of snide and jaded comments but i have since learned as i was a long time ago never judge a book by its cover........ I seem to attract the undesireable Roach so to speak.... its cause i cant say no.... Im cancer, if you want to know more about me read about a cancer sometime...Its me to a T i fit every cancerian stero type.... how sad that may be but its just the way the stars were allined for me i guess who knew i would end up flat on my ass in houston with the loss of respect of all and anyone that once looked up to me but i say dont look down at me as im still alive and kicking.... that hurts me, but first i have to be me, second i have to be happy which considering things im ok and not really depressed. if dont know me well, you soon will. i cant be a cookie cutter all american guy.... im far from that im just a avgerage guy with a heart that is trying to just be comfortable and I dont need Glamour or Glitter I just need to Know that i what i am doing makes me happy and if im happy why should anyone one else bother with the thought " what the hell is he doing" I have values and morals that were instilled by my mother who i love alot..... she may not see it that way now but i think in time she will see that i am trying and that i do care about myself and my family... i am not trying to be selfish or unaware of others feelings...I spent my whole Life dedicated to others being happy and others getting what they need Its my turn just to have some one care about me.. enough to just respect me for me and not ask alot of questions ( adivce is always ok) but i try to find the good in all people.. and i know that I have not lived up to what some people think i should be but i am what i am , i am who i am I dont live a fake world ... i wear my heart on my sleve and maybe thats wrong to be open and honest in this world of fakes... I really really am trying to just live... and let live i dont know what my plan in life is i guess its the road unwritten.... i have dreams and desires mostly they are not of money or things.... its a life full of poeple who like me and want to be in my life just cause not cause i am an awesome sales person.. or a great cook.... just cause i have touched thier life or heart in someway that will never go to be forgotten.. it may not be money but its the fact that i care about people and i want everyone thats in my life to smile more life is full of heartache and sadness without you your self being happy, maybe its a cat that makes you happy or ice cream i dont what makes you happy in this thing called life just do it and do it often.....I mean is life really that bad.... that you cant smile at the person walking down the street towards you is it wrong to say hello to people you meet... I dont think so Hold a door for the person behind you these things all are practices i have instilled in my life... it may seem strange or maybe you think i have lost my mind.... but with the things that i have had happen to me in the past three to four months... yeah it was hell it was scary... and down right nerve racking... to not be able to get job... and making that decison to call it quits and move home..... having that oppurtunity taken right from me.. the same day as it came..... then having my apartment complex starting on fire yeah that was rather exciting to say the least...So for those of you who think that i am out PARTYING all the time really i am not... i dont like going out I like staying home.. I like cooking... i like being close to my room mates... i like cooking home style dinners that my mom taught me to make ( which i may have changed a little sorry mom ) just to make it my own ... But I want you to know i have two moms in my life one biological and one that i sorta hand picked ... now before you go all crazy on me my bio mom taught me lots of things and showed me the most love that she could due to the situation she was in I dont blame her for anything I love my mom... she is the best although she does not understand me or approve of my choices in life Well some choices i made and the others the power from above directed me....cause for those who think that people choose to be gay HELLO i dont think so... anyway we will get back to my bio mom later love her and miss her lotsthen we have my adopted mom so to speak who has had the hugest impact on my self esteem and emoitional strength, and my life as it was not money that she had to give me... she had the time to listen and if she did not have the time we made time we called those are getting clean sessions with soap lol not like drug issuse for those of you who went there. but she took the time to really get to know who i am and i thank her for that she did teach me a few good recipies also.. but the most valueable thing she taught me was that we are who we are and well damn it love me or leave me cause its how is... sorry.... just that sometimes the mold that we are suppose to all come from gets a lil crack in it or hell it just breaks all together.... but i dont look at those imperfections as flaws really... its more of unique beauty marks..I mean we all cant be A & F models or models at all I know im not perfect nor do i carry that personia I am who i am i am not the hottest person in the world ( and why would i want to be) thats so much work just to look pretty.... I think that people need to take a real good look at the inside and think thats pretty before they flaunt there stuipidity. oh but they have abs lol or buns of steel... i know there are good looking smart ppl.... lol just saying the ones i come across well i will just say you dont have to be smart you just have to be pretty....This Lil rant has taken may driections and i have rambled alot in this entry but if you read it and really take the time to get to know me i may seem to be a lil rough a round the edges but really im a big softie.... so i hope if you have read this that you will take the time to give me some of your thoughts and feelings on life and maybe tell me im off my rocker but, it is what it is and it will be what it be we cant change that.... life gives you lemons? so what do you do with them?
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