My Hero doing what his ♥ loves best-Graduation Ceremony Jan 11th-2008
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♥ Welcome to my tiny corner of the myspace world. First off, why the term, samesmallboat you might ask, well, it is just one of those glitches in speech I seem to have acquired . I wouldn’t call it being speech illiterate and or verbally challenged but rather a “gift†as it were, it provides quite numerous bouts of laughter, especially around family and friends. That cute lil' monkey is a replica of me when I was younger, always lived my life climbing trees and eating exotic fruits. I fished non stop daily, and enjoyed being one with nature. Mei mei was my nickname, it supposedly means little sister. If ever there was a perfect candidate for tomboy of the year I'd easily have won :) ♥
♥ There was no television where I spent most of my younger teen years so my mind didn't get influenced easily. But that in itself had its drawbacks, because I was real naive and innocent for so long and that often with having such a trusting heart brought alot of grief. Little did I know since my dad was so loving, that alot of men were not made in his image. I thought I'd find true love, my prince charming, marry, live happily with raising a family in a nice home , white picket fence,...the all true american dream. Well, that wasn't the case for a long long time. ♥
♥ If I can bring people to laugh at my expense then it’s a good thing not a curse . As long as no one’s hurt it’s all that matters most to me. I’ve been around the world and back in 80 days seems to fit my life’s profile. I went through many obstacles to get to present time. ♥
♥ There are many things I’d like to have done differently, but who doesn’t. If I knew back then that it wouldn’t get me what I have today, I doubt I’d change a thing, including the pains and sorrows, but mostly the beautiful caring children and the dear friendship and company of my ex named gary who nurtured the kids at their most important stages of childhood years. Today we yet remain best friends and we still mingle for birthdays, family occasions and such. ♥
♥ By that I mean, one doesn’t have to be the natural parent to be a parent, it lies mostly in how they listen, care and provide, for someone, to me, “parent†is but a terminology, a true parent is one who’s devoted in all aspects of being there, raising and scooping up the pieces when shit hits the fan. And we all know we’ve been there before.:) ♥
♥ My father through his life long ministry and devotion to god and helping others in need, gave unselfishly of worldly possessions and his entire life to different cultures, especially the Iban tribe. He is my undying hero and inspiration through life. I’d like to say and hope that if nothing else, I learned compassion and forgiveness as a child, and often I find myself reaping in more pain and disappointment then I’d ever imagine. People tend to walk all over someone who is giving and kind and we often get taken for granted. ♥
♥ One important thing life taught me was that monetary value holds no purpose in making one’s life happiest, it helps ease the daily burdens of “bills†which resides with us till we die. Sure, its great to travel and see this vast world, and if you can by all means do so. I traveled quite a few places growing up, it brought into perspective the different cultures, their morals and values, and showed me that everyone has their own beliefs. But it doesn’t change the fact we’re all still “humans†with the same anatomy, of male or female gender with just multitudes of different skin and hair tones, and traits.♥
♥ Then there’s the richest to rags bracket. We fall in different catergories. Some remain pretty solid some fluctuate back and forth and some remain struggling all their life. Can’t honestly say I know what it’s like being a millionaire or billionaire. But I can certainly tell you what I’d love to do if I was. I would use a lot of it to benefit those less fortunate then myself. ♥
♥ I couldn’t sleep well at night I don’t think if I were super rich, and didn’t share my fortune with others. But I’d choose wisely the way I’d approach the areas I see deemed most for help. Heavy weighs the chest of someone who cares deeply about people but yet isn’t able to make huge impact on others, but even then little things that costs nothing but of one’s own time and actions not just words can turn things around for someone else. I’d like to think some where along life’s way if even a miniscule impact, if it helped that particular time, it was worth more to me then anything in the world. ♥
♥ For all those who have cried a million tears, you’re not alone. For the tears I’ve shed throughout life have been vast enough to fill a river. For those who have experienced a bitter divorce, my heart feels your pain, I’ve not been spared that either but it opened my eyes to read through the fine lines and find positives for giving me the strength to try and be an even better mom for my kids. ♥
♥ Those were some real life testing, struggling with identity, blood and tear stained years. But I’ll proudly say, we sailed through those dark clouds together, key word, being, together. It makes for a stronger, wiser and more caring individual to have actually experienced something as trying as that in life. Only then can one truly relate and appreciate the things most can’t comprehend or accept. The only difference is we had no choice, but we learn a valuable lesson, one we don’t learn through school.♥
♥ Those who suffer at the mercy of an injury whether temporary or prolonged and debilitating, my heart and thoughts are with you. If you suffer at the gavel of daily doses of pain, hard it is to keep one’s spirits afloat and happy. Your mind, your heart and your very soul yearn to remember what it was like before that occurred. ♥
♥ I've learned there is two types of handicaps. One is visible and one is invisible. By this I mean, one does not have to be wheel chair bound or missing a limb or a vegetable to be the only one labelled as handicap. The invisible I call it is also very real whether it be mentally, emotional, or simply internal based naked to human eyes. They both carry thier share of pain and prohibits many people from normal daily living functions. This makes me realize and appreciate just how many people suffer some form of challenge daily. ♥
♥ For some, the severity isn't too delibitating and for some it is so severe they could'nt possibly function without support from medical teams. You wake up every day wondering how you will continue yet another day. You fight back bouts of tears and hide well the fears that haunt you; fears of the unknown for which you don’t always have answers to. For some they become so filled with anguish in their quest for relief that they long for death to rescue them. That is when you hope your loved ones are spared either of the above, yet if they should happen to, your love and support is needed even more then ever before. ♥
♥ I seriously doubt anyone wishes illness or pain on themselves at any given time, well, with exception of the “poor meâ€, martyr syndrome, for attention. That’s just a cry for help. Or at best someone feeling sorry for themselves during an argument or being bored and lonely at the spur of the moment looking for attention. When I talk about real bodily pain, you know who you truly are, what that’s like. ♥
♥ Nobody, not even a doctor in his wildest dreams could conceive, what that’s like, but only you, yourself, know your own body, what it’s going through. The only people who can semi relate are those in the same predicament, again, as I said, life is a book on daily lessons, of which some are spared, where as others are tested regularly. ♥
♥ Injured, sick people are no different then us. Pain brings out the fire breathing dragon sometimes from people. All those of us who suffer one ailment or another are just living testimony of strength and faith. Again, another way to look at the positive not negative aspect of things. ♥
♥ No teachers or guidance counselors are able to totally grasp all of what life tosses into their court, but we each take these lessons life has spurned on us and we have to find the answers within ourselves. They serve as a helper but the puzzles and riddles are our own to solve. ♥
♥ When I speak of all those things mentioned it is just a testimony on my own life adventures and whatever curves I had to dodge or face straight on. I may not have made some of the best choices often in life but without errors, I would be saintly and there isn’t anyone worthy of being bestowed that title on earth that I find to be completely taint free, with exception of Jesus and God himself. ♥
♥ The greatest achievement I have conquered in life is learning to be true to myself and accepting whatever comes my way and using my past experiences to better myself. I will have to end this on a good note, and that is that my family are my most cherished earthly possessions and my few true friends are my loyal companions. ♥
♥ The last few years have been blessed with the presence of my fiancée who truly loves and accepts me for who I am and what I’ve been through. Not just the past but present. It may have taken almost a lifetime after a few bad painful relationships often doused with abuse mentally and physically to realize, you can’t abandon your dreams and goals. ♥
♥ You can’t help but become dormant in your own little shell, encased in stone when you get hurt, and scared, but who you are, isn’t lost. Let go of the bad in your past and look forward to the future. Let memory serve as your dictionary. It will be there as a reference but you can close the book. ♥
♥ Don’t let life dictate your destination but rather, be proud of who you are, what you endured in life thus far. Don't ever cut yourself short, you're special and unique and one of a kind. Don't let anyone say you're not worthy, you are. If they choose not to like or love you, it's thier loss, not yours. Should you fall, you'll bounce back in time, with patience. If you can forgive, which many find impossible to do, you're much better then most and you don't carry the weight of anger , jealousy or hatred. Be steadfast in your beliefs and yet gentle and compassionate to those in need. One doesn’t have to have a clean perfected slate to be considered good. ♥
♥ Goodness is implemented into your daily life when you make the best and most of what you have. It’s your choice to make. I struggled through life but I chose to not self destruct but rather to keep my dreams alive. ♥
♥ I will continue to chase rainbows for that pot of gold and even share some with the little leprechaun.:) If I happen to fly through the skies, upon finding it, at rainbows end, along with the end of rain for that day, I shall sprinkle gold from the clouds in hopes it lands into the hands of those who need it most. ♥
♥ Till then, I wish all the best to each and everyone out there. Keep your dreams alive, for they aren’t that far fetched, but only if you truly have faith, only will you find the real meaning of life and true love . ♥
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