Evangelist Carolyn

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My name is Evangelist Carolyn Harrell and I have been choosen to pray for you....God has delivered and healed me and I am now able to pray and share with you.I was in pain most of my life and covered it up very well. I refused to admit out loud that I was hurting and didn't know how to make it stop. I felt trapped and lonely. I remember as far back as a teenager isolating myself. I didn't want people to know how I felt. I closed myself into a small world of my own so I did not have to feel rejected. In fact, I would reject people first because I did not want them to hurt me. The more I felt pain the more I covered it up with a smile or anger. I would pretend to bounce back after I was hurt because I did not want anybody to know how bad I felt. I wanted friends but I really did not know how to love them.I searched and searched and picked up a lot of things that I thought made me happy. God anointed me to preach the word and I love to sing. So I would preach when I had a chance and sing all the time to keep from feeling what was on the inside. I heard God calling me to freedom but every time I thought I was there I would fall back into depression.As time passed I experienced the death of my 17 year old son. God kept my mind but I was yet hurting on the inside. So I joined a community choir and sung to keep from feeling the chains that were holding me. God used me but I was trapped in my own bondage; not able to love fully due to being in a bad marriage. I felt rejected, ugly, alone and unworthy for anybody to care about.Through it all, I continued going to church and God used me. I kept a smile on my face. I would sometimes wake up angry not understanding why; I wouldn’t even want to go outside. I kept praying to God because I wanted to minister but I was praying a selfish prayer. I forgot about the people of God, I kept saying, “God when is it going to be my chance?” I didn't think my prayer was selfish until Jesus knocked on my door for real.I wrote a letter to God about vision and placed it in the bible about three years ago; when I did that my life began to change. I did not even understand what was going on. God took me on a journey to freedom!I have much more to say and I will say it in time. The point I wanted to make is we can be in church for a long time, sing in the choir, praise team, preach the word, etc. but be trapped in our mind. Not being able to love because you don't love yourself. Having a ministry on the inside but afraid of what others will think. I am free now. I love myself and I love Jesus. God has freed me to pray for others. I have gotten rid of that selfish attitude and I am ready to be used by God in whatever place he wants me in.This is part of my testimony... If you need prayer for anything you can contact me at anytime. Leave me a messege or call me at any time I will pray for you!!! God loves you and so do I!Evangelist Carolyn HarrellI edited my profile at Free Christian MySpace Layouts , check out these Christian Myspace Layouts!
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