The Corporate Housewife

Yo wa gwan blud - Welcome to MySpace, and tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Portia! I'm 21 and a M-F TS – get used to it! So, all about me – I currently work in Fashion PR in London which is pukka mukka. My greatest moment so far in my life has to have been riding naked across the Sahara desert on a horse with no legs – it brought a new definition to the saying ‘It’s a drag’. You may well know me or recognize my face from the episode of Hollyoaks I appeared in, with my cameo performance as a mechanical walking phone booth. You may also have heard of me as I hold the record for the fastest backward swim through the Suez Canal which I set in 2003.My interests in life include fashion, performing handstands without using my hands, giraffe herding and constructing lightweight aluminium bridges. The things I love most and hold closest to my heart are my collection of starched sarongs, my array of good citizenship medals and my treasure map of the Galapagos Islands dated 1472.I hate prejudice, arrogance, bitchy people, gone off meat and no-smoking signs. I'm also not too keen on people stealing my shoes – although I got round this problem by having my feet surgically enhanced to size 18.I love Ice Cream (hint hint), small fluffy chickens, capsized canoes and the feeling you get when a lift goes down at high speed. I have also found lately I have developed a great passion for hanging around outside old peoples homes in just a flasher mac.This year I am attempting to be the first person to find the elusive green squirrel on the island of Skye, to set a new world record for holding the longest conversation on uses for baked beans and also to launch my very own line of porcelain products.So that’s about all I have to say for now, if you want to know more, or would like to get involved in any of my upcoming projects / record attempts then send me a message. People normally follow that by saying “I won’t bite” but with me this is a major understatement as I had my teeth removed a year ago to create a special necklace for my South Pacific Islander friendsCiaox-P-x

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