I used to pick up on girls on the internet and when they really start to "fall" for me, I ask them if it would be alright if I pinched a fat meaty sausage link down on their chest.
I want to meet the guy who picks up elephant poo at the zoo, and give him a hug.
..
I just recently found out that one of my good friends is majorly addicted to cartoon porn. I guess I kind of see him in a different way now.. though I shouldn't be surprised, he's a bigger pervert than I could ever hope to be.
I'm gonna take your momma out on a date and serve her a baked potato.
Nay, womanly woman. Although it is indeed your evolution-assigned duty to quench the fire in my loins whenever I so desire, ball-scratchery is a time-honored tradition of which only a man may rightfully partake.
My older Brother is my hero.