Hi im mandee.
This quoted paragraph is what was on this profile for almost 2 years now....
"I have self-diagnosed myself with ed-nos. I started having adbnormal eating habits when I was about 6. well that is how far back I can remember. When I turned 9 years old, I would be disgusted everytime I had to look in the mirror. I guess something inside of me couldnt take it anymore. I had to be thin, no matter what it took. I started skipping meals, lying, saying that i had already eaten. I was losing weight and I loved it. For 5 years it was this constantly.. eating less and less .. losing more and more weight. Then last year I got my worst. I fasted for 46 days, and my body basically broke down. No one I know knows about this. I cant eat food without feeling quilty. So i started purging..everything. Works great right? not.
For the last 7 months being a bulimic has destroyed me and my life. I cant stop I have tried. I disgust myself. I want to get help.. and get better. But I dont want the cure to be... me fat. I hate myself... and I have the lowest self esteem that a person could have. Im just not good enough for anything. I hope that one day I have the stregth to get help.. but until then.. Ill just keep hitting rock bottom."Let me explain what has happened since then...
I fell in love with a man and after 6 months with him he started to physically and mentally abuse me, I ended up getting out of that relationship with the help of my best friend and strength I didn't know that I had.
Then I met my current fiancee, who is so amazing. We plan to get married next year. It would take me millions of paragraphs to sum up why I love him.But I will tell you this, he saved me. He saved me from killing myself with my disorders. He has no idea he did but he did. Ive stopped half of my new behaviors for the last couple months, but other things will never go away.
With every desperation of my soul I want to scream at you what could happen to you, what will happen to you, what DID happen to me. I will start from the top of my head to my toes... My hair will never be thick again and it lays flat like straw. my teeth are all cavities, even though I brushed as they told me to. I have a non epileptic seizure disorder that the only explaination that they can give me is lack of oxygen to the brain. I cant naturally go to the bathroom anymore. I have become a slave to laxatives. Because of all that past abuse. this is just half of it.
Dont think this can ever go away, Dont think it cant kill you. Were all sick.. and dying. And I want to stop...I need to stop this mind control. WHY CANT I. ...help me...
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