www.hadiyahstudies.com
Sometimes people come into your life & you know right away that they were meant to be there; to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or help you figure out who you are & or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger), but when you lock eyes with them, you know at the very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.
& sometimes things will happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, & unfair at first; but in reflection you find that without overcoming these obstacles you would have never realized your true potential, strength, will power, or heart.
Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by mean of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness & stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without this small test, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe & comfortable, but dull & utterly pointless.
The people that you meet who affect your life & the success & downfalls you experience help to create who you are & who you will become. Even the bad experiences are learned from. In fact, they are the most poignant ones.
If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them; for they have helped you learn about trust & the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally; not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love & how to open your heart & eyes to things.
Make every day count. Appreciate every moment & take from those moments everything you could possibly can; for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before & actually listen. Let yourself fall in love again, break free, & set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to.
Tell yourself that you are a great individual & believe in yourself. For if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make your life anything you wish. Create your own life & then go out & live it with absolutely NO REGRETS.
Most importantly, if you love someone, tell him or her; for you NEVER know what tomorrow may have in store. & learn a lesson in life each day you live. Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday.. Was it worth it?
"WHY TRY T0 FiT iN WHEN Y0U ARE MADE T0 STAND 0UT..?!"
ME & MY MUSiC - 0N THA STREETZ 0F SAC
ALL i NEED iS MY PEN & PAPER - i AM A P0ET
RELAX.. i LiKE Y0U JUST THE WAY Y0U ARE..!! BE Y0URSELF..!! GET A RiGHT MiND, KEEP iT REAL, & HAVE Y0URSELF T0GETHER -- ALL0W Y0UR TRUE C0L0RS T0 SH0W.
BACKYARD B00GiE
MY FAMiLY
& H0W WE G0T HERE . . .
MY GREAT GRANDPARENTS MiGRATED FR0M CHiNA T0 ViETNAM iN THE 1930'S T0 ESCAPE THE MASSACRE THAT T00K PLACE WHEN JAPAN iNVADED CHiNA. 0CCUPYiNG CHiNA, THE ARMY C0MMiTTED NUMER0US ATR0CiTiES; RAPE, L00TiNG, ARS0N & EXECUTi0N. THE EXECUTi0N BEGAN UNDER THE PRETEXT 0F ELiMiNATiNG CHiNESE S0LDiERS & iNN0CENT CiViLiANS, A LARGE NUMBER 0F iNN0CENT MEN, WERE iNTENTi0NALLY iDENTiFiED AS ENEMY C0MBATANTS & EXECUTED. RAPE & MURDER BECAME WiDESPREAD & A LARGE NUMBER 0F W0MEN & CHiLDREN WERE ALS0 KiLLED. S0, WiTH MY PARENTS B0RN iN ViETNAM iS H0W MY FAMiLY AD0PTED 0UR ViETNAMESE LAST NAME 'TRAN'. THEN CAME THE ViETNAM WAR iN THE 1950'S. MY PARENTS & THEiR FAMiLiES ESCAPED THE MASSACRES THAT WERE TAKiNG PLACE iN THE KiLLiNG FiELDS BY THE C0MMUNiST REGiME AFTER THE FALL 0F SAiG0N. THEY SUFFERED HARSH PERSECUTi0NS & HAD ESCAPED THE C0NTiNUANCE 0F WHAT S0ME RELATiVES DiD N0T: ABUSE & T0RTURE; HANDS & LEGS SHACKLED iN PAiNFUL P0SiTi0NS F0R M0NTHS, SKiN SLASHED BY BAMB00 CANES STUDDED WiTH TH0RNS, VEiNS iNJECTED WiTH P0iS0N0US CHEMiCALS. MY PARENTS & THEiR FAMiLiES BECAME REFUGEES. ARMED WiTH F0RGED iDENTiTY D0CUMENTS, THEY T00K AN ESCAPE R0UTE & T00K REFUGE iN SAFE H0USES WAiTiNG F0R FiSHiNG JUNKS & TRAWLERS T0 TAKE SMALL GR0UPS iNT0 iNTERNATi0NAL WATERS. THEY ESCAPED BY B0AT BACK T0 CHiNA, THEiR SPiRiTS BR0KEN WiTH ST0RiES AB0UT RELATiVES BEiNG KiLLED. THE B0AT RiDE 0N THE S0UTH CHiNA SEA WAS JUST AS R0UGH. MY PARENTS HAD T0 TRAVEL WiTH S0ME DEAD 0N THE B0AT BY F0RCES 0F NATURE & BY PiRATES THEY HAD MANAGED T0 ESCAPE. MiSERY, RAPE & MURDER WERE C0MMiTTED BY THESE PiRATES WH0 PREYED 0N THE REFUGEES WH0 S0LD ALL THEiR P0SSESSi0NS & CARRiED G0LD WiTH THEM 0N THE TRiPS. MY PARENTS WERE VERY F0RTUNATE & SUCCEEDED iN THE ESCAPE BEiNG RESCUED BY FREiGHTERS. THESE RESCUE FREiGHTS PLAYED AN iMP0RTANT R0LE iN THE ESCAPE & HELPED BRiNG REFUGEES T0 LAND AT REFUGEE CAMPS iN NEiGHB0RiNG C0UNTRiES. SUCH CAMPS HELPED RESETTLE REFUGEES iN THE UNiTED STATES. MY PARENTS WERE SETTLED iN THE U.S. BY THEiR LATE TEEN YEARS. i AM BiG 0N FAMiLY. i BEAR MY FAMiLY HiST0RY NAME iN THE HEART 0F MY CHEST. MY FAMiLY HiST0RY, PR0UDLY, i WEAR iT 0N MY SLEEVE & MY BREAST.
J0URNEY FR0M THE FALL
FALL 0F SAiG0N
& THiS iS . . .
ME .
- - THE ST0RY - -
i'm doing - my laundry. washing - away - the week long dirt - you've done - to me. i can - see - your dirty - fingerprints - imprinted - on my - top. i used - stain remover - before - i put - it in - the wash. but - it still - does not - seem to - want to - come off. the wrinkles - on my - satin dress - when you - grabbed - then pushed me - on my - chest. just - some creases - seem - not - to want - to - disappear - when i - iron. like - the line - you created - on my - sleeve - when - i told you - to - let me go - the time - i caught you - cheating & lying. as - i am - washing - my laundry, a story - unfolded - with - each article. i picked - up my shirt - with - tear stains - i fear - happened not - too long - ago. in - my mind, the image - played over. my mascara - ran - as you - shook me, those - tears - ran down - my cheeks - onto - my - shoulder. my dirty - week long clothes, each - article - came with - much to say. like - the rip - in my - pants - you tore - when - you dragged - me by - the legs - down - your hallway. by - my legs, you swung - me. as i - slid - across - the floor, i screamed - to the top - of my lungs - no more! i tossed - those pants - in the trash - along - with - my belt. that belt - you used - to whip me - if i - tried - to yell - for help. i - am doing - my laundry & - i - am trying - to wash - as fast - as i - can. but i - can't do it - quickly enough - with - this bruise - you put - on my - hand. exactly - what - you did next, i just - cannot - stand. your fist - to my - face - was blocked - by - the back - of - my hand. when - you yanked - me - by my - hair, i saw - the anger - in your - stare. my hands, they begin - to fumble - onto the jacket - what i wore - when you - broke - off my - chain & locket. by - my neck, you picked - me up & tried to - strangle. i choked, you - let go. i fell - to my - feet. my heels - broke; my shoes - now - at - an angle. but - it's - my fault - that i - continued to - let you - see - me - when from - the beginning, you told - me, you - did - have problems - with your - drinking. the devil's drink - will cause you - to do - things - you normally - won't do. yet, how - many times - do i - let myself - go - through this - letting you - use - that as - an excuse. leave - a man - that is - in love - with his - liquor. some men - just cannot - control & get - a hot - temper. take - my story - into - your hands. do - your laundry. then, try - to also help - wash - the articles - of - your man's. lipstick - stains. musky - smells. colors & scents - that do not - match yours. you will - fall - to your knees - going through - the basket. finding - panties? you don't - wear - a size - 4! instead - of doing - my laundry, i'm now - off - to buy me - a brand new - wardrobe! because - as of now, my closet - seems to be - endowed - by the - scent - of your - black code! i gotta - get these - clothes - off me! i begin - to get - undressed. come - to find - with - each article - i remove, each - one - spoke to me - of - your - confess. thinking - i'd be - better off - nude, i'm - naked now; but still, i - don't - feel good. because - on my arms & on - my legs, you - see all these - bruises? each - bruise - was indented - by you! in front - of the mirror, i stand - completely - undressed. all these - marks & bruises - make me - feel & look - like - a total - mess. who - will love - me now? will - they - understand? can - they, still - love - a girl; try - to love - that girl - within? you - can see - now why - i - have a hard - time - trusting - men. why - it is - always - so hard - for me - to do this, to - open up & try - to fall - in love - again. i started - to throw - my clothes - back on; to - cover - the imperfections - on this girl, who - deep down, has gone - through - a lot, but still - stood strong. this girl, that is - now dressed. it was - then, i began - to see - the - windows - to this girl's - soul, skin - deep - inside her - chest. glistening eyes - in the - mirror's reflection, i saw - inside - my eyes - what - is still - perfection. i - saw - skin deep, right - through my breasts. my - soul - that lay - within my eyes, skin - deep - inside my - chest. was - my soul - where - it rest, what - in the dark - that glows; my soul, it - stood out - best. 7/16/07 - 1:18am pst.
LADiES..!! THiS iS N0T 0NLY A REMiNDER T0 MYSELF BUT A REMiNDER F0R Y0U..!! THERE iS.. - N0 EXCUSE..!! - F0R A MAN T0 PUT HiS HANDS 0N Y0U..!! WHEN.. WiLL Y0U TELL Y0URSELF THAT Y0U HAVE HAD EN0UGH..?! L00K..!! DEEP iNSiDE Y0UR HEART.. BE STR0NG & TELL Y0URSELF.. Y0U HAVE A CHANCE F0R BETTER..!! i KN0W.. WE CAN BE NAiVE AT TiMES, BUT WiTH STR0NG BELiEF & FAiTH, G0D WiLL WiLLiNGLY - WiLL - Y0U T0 G00D MEN. & F0R Y0U MEN.. i KN0W THERE ARE S0ME W0MEN WH0 HAVE THE TENDENCY T0 D0 THE SAME..!! S0 WHEN A FEMALE RAiSES HER HAND.. WHAT Y0U D0 iS BE THE MAN THAT Y0U ARE & WALK AWAY..!! WE ALL NEED T0 ST0P CHEATiNG 0URSELVES & PLEASE START TREATiNG 0URSELVES..!! NEVER GiVE UP & KEEP Y0UR H0PES UP HiGH: SH00T F0R THE M00N..!! - BECAUSE EVEN iF Y0U MiSS iT.. Y0U WiLL LAND AM0NG THE **STARS**
- THE -',- R0SE -{@
DiSiLLUSi0NED BY LiFE WiTH G00D REAS0N T0 FR0WN - F0R THE W0RLD WAS iNTENT 0N DRAGGiNG ME D0WN - & iF THAT WEREN'T EN0UGH T0 RUiN MY DAY - A Y0UNG B0Y 0UT 0F BREATH APPR0ACHED ME, ALL TiRED FR0M PLAY. HE ST00D RiGHT BEF0RE ME WiTH HiS HAND TiLTED D0WN - & WiTH GREAT EXCiTEMENT, "L00K WHAT i F0UND..!!" iN HiS HAND WAS A R0SE, WHAT A PiTiFUL SiGHT - WiTH iTS PETALS ALL W0RN; N0T EN0UGH RAiN 0R T00 LiTTLE LiGHT. WANTiNG HiM T0 TAKE HiS DEAD R0SE & G0 0FF T0 PLAY - i FAKED A SMALL SMiLE & THEN SHiFTED AWAY. BUT iNSTEAD 0F RETREATiNG, HE SAT NEXT T0 MY SiDE - & PLACED THE R0SE T0 HiS N0SE & DECLARED WiTH SURPRiSE, "iT SURE SMELLS PRETTY - & iT'S BEAUTiFUL, T00 - THAT'S WHY i PiCKED iT - HERE, iT'S F0R Y0U." THE WEED BEF0RE ME WAS DYiNG 0R DEAD - N0T ViBRANT 0F C0L0RS, 0RANGE, YELL0W 0R RED. BUT i KNEW i MUST TAKE iT, 0R HE MiGHT NEVER LEAVE - S0 i REACHED F0R THE R0SE & REPLiED, "JUST WHAT i NEED." BUT iNSTEAD 0F HiM PLACiNG THE R0SE iN MY HAND - HE HELD iT iN MiD-AiR WiTH0UT REAS0N 0R PLAN. iT WAS THEN THAT i N0TiCED F0R THE VERY FiRST TiME - THAT WEED-T0TiNG B0Y C0ULD N0T SEE; HE WAS BLiND. i HEARD MY V0iCE QUiVER, TEARS SH0NE LiKE THE SUN - AS i THANKED HiM F0R PiCKiNG THE VERY BEST 0NE. "Y0U'RE WELC0ME," HE SMiLED, & THEN RAN 0FF T0 PLAY - UNAWARE 0F THE iMPACT HE'D HAD 0N MY DAY. i SAT THERE & W0NDERED H0W HE MANAGED T0 SEE - A SELF-PiTYiNG W0MAN BENEATH THE 0LD WiLL0W TREE. H0W DiD HE KN0W 0F MY SELF-iNDULGED PLiGHT..?? PERHAPS FR0M HiS HEART, HE'D BEEN BLESSED WiTH TRUE SiGHT. THR0UGH THE EYES 0F A BLiND CHiLD, AT LAST i C0ULD SEE - THE PR0BLEM WAS N0T WiTH THE W0RLD; THE PR0BLEM WAS ME. & F0R ALL 0F TH0SE TiMES i, MYSELF, HAD BEEN BLiND - i V0WED T0 SEE BEAUTY iN LiFE & APPRECiATE EVERY SEC0ND THAT'S MiNE. & THEN i HELD THAT WiLTED FL0WER UP T0 MY N0SE - & BREATHED iN THE FRAGRANCE 0F A BEAUTiFUL R0SE. & SMiLED AS i WATCHED THAT Y0UNG B0Y; AN0THER WEED iN HiS HAND - AB0UT T0 CHANGE THE LiFE 0F AN UNSUSPECTiNG 0LD MAN.
* you can - dream about me - pretend - youre singing - to me - fantasize - me swaying - in your arms - why dont you make your step - playa - have me caught up - by your charm - do the damn thang - set off - the alarm - give me - your best - rhyme - i wanna hear - you spit - all - your lines - im koo - you aint takin up - none of - my time - in fact - im considerin - bein - your dime - if thats okay wit you - hope im not - committin a crime - but i see you - posted - just standin there - theres been rumors - you want me - quit puttin a front - actin like - you dont care - ive seen your stare - baby - i aint scared - you standin there - like a superstar - having prospects - admiring you - acknowledging you - recognizing you - respecting you - from afar - having the girls - push & shove - theyre gonna - start a war - they wanna be - the first - in line - when you make - your move - im over here - dancin - i know - you see - my groove - but - i maintain - my distance - tryna keep - my cool - unlike them others - actin a fool - i aint - tryna scare - you - they say - youre lookin - for a woman - you can - trust - but - why - do i see - you messin - wit women - who aint - just - i know - you cant help it - but - you must - these fine women - baby - its not love - its just - lust - sooner or later - theyre just - gonna drive you - nuts - i hear - youre the type - of guy - who likes - to turn - the girls out - have the bad - girls turn good - is what - youre - all about - & - thats good - baby - no doubt - but - why - waste your time - when you can go - the other route - a good girl - is right - in front - of you - right - under your nose - if - you make your move - you will - find out - you can - dis - ting - wish - the good ones - by steppin up - close - a good girl - you can trust - make your move - come close - right - under - your nose - a good - girl - will smell - like a rose - so - what you waitin for - playa - make your move - what you say to me? - follow your nose - come close - find - out - if - i - smell - like a rose * 7/3/05 - 6:49am pst
* baby - you're a stunna! - walked on by - got me high - boy - you know i wanna! - do all the bad things - a good girl won't do! - i'm no angel - but i'll be good - for you - i'm bad - baaad - i'm bad to the bone! - out at play - won't leave you alone - cause you're - hardcore - all the others - are a snore! - the girl next to you - what a bore! - c'mon - let's ditch - this place - hop on my bike - to the streets we race! - you deserve more - much more! - than what some good girls can give! - come! - let me show you - how a bad girl lives! - the night is young - let's go! - have some fun! - off - to the park somewhere - we make our mark - pick a tree - & carve our names out in the dark - with your lighter - you are the light - you are the spark - magic! - in the air - explosive! - i see the shine in your stare - run your fingers through my hair - lift up my skirt - in my 6 inch stilettos - with the heels - sunk deep - in the dirt - sprinklers in the grass - work a wet on my shirt - squirt - squirt squirt - i'm a baaad girl - & don't easily get hurt - how you like it - feels so good - why fight it - cause when we're sinning - it makes us feel - like we're winning! - i'm bad - baaad - i'm bad to the bone - out to play - i go alone - weee! - the cops chasin - a lifetime in prison i'm facin - i'm bad - baaad - i - am - so! - bad - my heart pumpin - faaast! - as my adrenaline's rushin - tossin bottles - out the back - breakin glass - speedin - enjoying your - each & every laugh - to your garage! - we park - i push you down - i put it down! - on ya couch - i give a damn good - tongue massage! - i'm a baaad girl - come get me right - i'm bad - baaad - can't keep me out ya sight! - cause if you do - i'll make ya - then break ya - i'll tease ya - & won't even please ya! - you know i'm a bad girl - raised by the fire - tell you i love you - i'm such a damn good liar! - this is - the end - of our evolution! - i am a bad girl - & the result - at world's end - revolution! - yo stunna! - ditch yo girl - cause i'm funner - i'm funner! - you're a wild one - coyote - come chase this road runner! - hot as hell - i'm on fire! - america's most wanted! - a reward for my capture - on the flier! - i'm bad - baaad! - i'm bad to the bone - if they had only known - you've already caught me! - there goes my picture - with boy shorts on - in ya phone - proof! - poof! - i'm bad - baaad - i'm bad to the bone - i'll melt that ice cream off your cone! - i'm bad - but i'll make you glad - turn that sad face happy when - the world drives you mad - baby - i'm bad * - final edit: wednesday, october 31, 2007 at 3:22am pst.
AiM SN: PR3C10USCP
"$ = x & x = $" - * t.i.m.e. : the infinite mommy exclusive * - "i am wifed to the game."
PLAY Y0UR CARDS RiGHT
USE C0NSTELLATi0N iN Y0UR C0LLAB0RATi0N
" bismillahir rahmanir rahim . . "
iN SCH00L MAJ0RiNG iN MUSiC.
FiELD: PR0DUCTi0N. AREA: HiP-H0P.
CLiCK 0N iMAGE BEL0W T0 ENTER
T0DAY'S FEATURED ARTiST:
KEAK DA SNEAK
myspace.com/keakdasneak
N0W PLAYiNG:
T0DAY'S MiX : 30 TRACKS
updated: 4:13am pst on 11 june 2008
* 60 EXCLUSiVES *
13 new drops
last update: june 8, 2008 - 8:18 am
B0RN 0N JULY 14, 1984 AT 1:50AM iNSiDE ALEXiAN BR0THERS H0SPiTAL L0CATED iN SAN J0SE, CALiF0RNiA. M0VED T0 THE CiTY 0F SACRAMENT0 AT JUST A YEAR 0LD & STiLL RESiDiNG.. (T0 BE C0NT..)
(my personal 10) june 9, 2008 - 10:57 pm
taking the spotlight this week:
1.
"WANT Y0U BACK" :
M-DENAS THE GENiUS / XTRA0RDiNARY ANN
myspace.com/mdenasthegenius
2.
"MAKE Y0U WAiT" :
JiMMiE REiGN
myspace.com/jimmiereign1
3.
"H0W W0ULD Y0U LiKE iT" :
PRELL
myspace.com/prellmusic
4.
"CUTiE PiE" :
KAFANi / SAMM
myspace.com/sammofshocity
5.
"ALL i SEE" :
KYLiE MiN0GUE / MiMS
myspace.com/kylieminogue
6.
"BABY WHAT iT D0" :
KENNYGQ / C0RP0RATE THUGS
myspace.com/kennygq
7.
"FREELANCiN'" :
RAYD0GG / C0RP0RATE THUGS / MAC DRE
myspace.com/raydoggthedon
8.
"i JUST WANNA KN0W" :
TAi0 CRUZ
myspace.com/taiocruzmusic
9.
"L0VE iS BLiND" :
RAMZi / ASH KiNG
myspace.com/ramzionline
10.
"HAPPY BiRTHDAY" :
JiN / GE0RGE
myspace.com/jinforthewin
