♥ Beneath the tears ♥ profile picture

♥ Beneath the tears ♥

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About Me


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I am devoted to my family. There is nothing that I would not do for them. I spend most of my free time with them. I am a total workaholic! I work at a Cancer Center. Sometimes it is difficult - dealing with loss on a daily basis. I try to make things a little easier for them. I live to shop, which is wierd because when I was younger you practically had force me to go. I am strong willed. I have had much sadness in my life, but was determined to overcome it all. I know from those experiences that I am a survivor! I am the ultimate sap or so my daughter Misty tells me. She on the other hand doesn't and constantly makes fun of me! I love to write poetry and stuff. I feel things more than most. I have a huge heart and would do anything for the ones that I care about. In my spare time I enjoy spending time with my family and friends, fishing, camping, reading, redecorating (I am constantly doing this one), chatting on the internet, working (that one is a little twisted, but true), and I love to make people laugh. I totally believe in happily ever after!I started this to find my daughter Kasarra. I have dreamt of it for so many years. She is always a part of our family. If she ever decides that she wants to be a part of our lives...we are definitely here for her. How do you give up on a dream. I never will. In my heart, I truly believe she will be reunited with us. The following is a poem that I wrote for her.
imikimi - Customize Your WorldShe Was In My Arms Her Breath Next To Mine This Little Life That I Created How Long Had It Been Since I Had Anything Anything Worth Giving To Someone Does She Know The Depth Of My Feelings The Love That I Feel For Her The Emotions I Felt Engulfed Me Those Deep Saphire Eyes Etched Into My Soul Now I Live Though It's Day To Day Eternal Darkness And Pain Overwhelm Me Emptiness Surrounds My Lonely existence Will I Ever Escape This Despair Longing To Have Her With Me Once Again At Last A Flickering Moment Arises As I Am Exhaling My Last Breath Life As I Know Ceases To Exist Where Our Hearts Reunite At Last Our Time Evolves Into The Heavens Where We Shall Embrace One Again
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My Interests

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I love to write poetry and short stories. I totally love to shop. As for hobbies I can kick butt at fishing. I come by it naturally from my daddy! I also enjoy camping, roller coasters, and spending time with my family and friends. I also tend to be a workaholic. I have to pay for those shopping adventures!
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Zingerbug on imikimi - Customize Your World
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END CHILD ABUSE NOW....Protect Our Children!!!! **********************The Tiniest Little Prayer by Lesa Meyers *********************Little girls should never pray but once I did, and here's what I had to say, "Dear God, Why have you chosen me? What have I done to deserve such misery?" Before I could reach the innocent age of six, on thru my teens; my make believe daddy decided he wanted me. Not in the normal way a loving daddy should, but in the most perverse way that he could. Never a safe place to run and hide, his large calloused hands touching me as I cried. I cried a fountain of tears, during those first few lonely years Until that day when at last I ran out of tears And when I realized I could no longer even cry I simply laid down and prayed to die
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I'd like to meet:

If only to be granted one very wish...To have my daughter Kasarra back with me and see her eyes sparkle and hear her laughter once again....I would also give anything to have the ones that I have lossed with me again...Dad, My daughter Christina, My brother Kelly, Grandma and Grandpa, my dear friend Tyson to name a few...
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Music:

Really I enjoy all music, although I am not into the rap thing! My favorites would be...Buckcherry, Hinder, Nickelback, Warrant, Kix, Motley Crue, Bon Jovi, Aerosmith, Poison, Stone Sour, and Matchbox 20. I also like Kenny Chesney, Faith Hill, Tim McGraw, Carrie Underwood, Reba McIntire, Tanya Tucker, James Blunt, Hoobastank, Avril, and Hinder. I enjoy most music, but enjoy alternative and rock the best. When I listen to country, but it tends to make me sad and emotional. What I listen to mostly depends on my mood....
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Movies:


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Television:

I totally love Forensic Files. I love Court TV, CSI's and Law and Order. I also love the soaps because I find that I just don't have enough drama in my life. I also enjoy Men in Trees, Grey's Anatomy, Totally love Ugly Betty, Ghost Whisperer, Numb3rs, Law & Order, Las Vegas, Without a Trace, Hannah Montana, Most Disney Shows (Hannah Montana, Suite Life, etc), 48 Hours, Cold Case, Two & A Half Men, and House (Mostly because he is just so mean)...
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Books:

I mostly read true crime such as Ann Rule, Classics like Hemingway, How to books...too many to mention. Anything with poetry.
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Heroes:


Get More at COMMENTYOU.com* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *My Dad was and is my hero. He taught me that mistakes happen and that life goes on. It is what you choose to do with that life that truly matters. He still inspires me although he has been gone for many years. I know that he watches over me always!
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All About Me Part II
What I didn't tell you the first time!
by Esinedfigaro
1. What is Your Name?
2. How old are you? 43
3. What is the link to your website, blog, or myspace? Hell if I know....
4. Favorite Color: Purple or sometime pink
5. Your Car: Kia Sorento
6. Your Crushes First Name: I am a little old for crushes...
7. Your Style: I'm an original
8. Have You Ever Sat on your rooftop? Why yes I have...
9. Have You Ever Kissed someone in the rain? Ahhh...way back when...
10. Have You Ever Talked to someone you don't know? All the time
11. Have You Ever Gone out of your way to befriend someone? Definitely
12. Have You Ever Made out in a theatre? Haven't done this one....Have you seen what movies cost...I want to see the freakin' movie! lol
13. Who was the last person to Tell you, I love you? Saide Bug!
14. Who was the last person to Kiss you? Freakazoid
15. Who was the last person to Call your cell phone? Buddabelly
16. Who was the last person to Go with you to the movies? Sadie Bug!
17. Who was the last person to Touch you? Dorkmeister~
18. What's the last Movie you watched? Spiderman 3
19. What's the last Drink you've had? Milk...I am a wild thing!
20. Can You Stay up a whole night without sleep? Hell NO!
21. Can You Speak a different language? Not that anyone can interpret!
22. Favorite Food Chinese
23. Favorite Drink Diet Mountain Dew
24. What's Your Favorite Baseball Team and Football Team Don't do sports...
25. Favorite Store Anything in the mall!
26. Longest Relationship Still together after eight, but had another last for eleven!
27. Have You Ever Skinny Dipped way back when...
28. Have You Ever Had Sex Like YEAH!
29. Do you have any siblings? Yes
30. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Both
31. Do you have any piercings? All your basics...
32. Have you ever Been caught doing something you weren't supposed to do? Which time...
33. What was the last Song you've listened to? Far Away by Nickelback
34. What was the last Thing you were doing before this? Printed a report at work!
35. How much cash do you have on you? About $60
36. What did your last text message say? txt me btch!
37. What were you doing at midnight last night? Having a freakin weird ass nightmare!
38. What's a word that you say a lot? Freakin'
39. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes, Smile and Ass
40. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Definitely not!
41. Who would you like to see right now? Kasarra!
42. Would you go on a date with someone on MySpace? Not really!
43. The first time You had sex? Little personal much! 16!
44. The first time You had oral sex? Who writes this shit?
45. The last time You saw someone else naked? who? Last night...told you I had a nightmare...lol
46. The last time You played truth or dare? When I was like 14
47. Are you single? Definitely not!
48. How many relationships have you had? Not many
49. How many of them were sexual? Most of them
50. What are you wearing? Business Attire
51. Have you ever had a one night stand? No
52. Did it involve sex?
53. Who are you with or who do you want to be with? I am where I want to be
54. Do you beleive you should be in love to have sex? No
55. Right at this moment Where are you? I am working...can't you tell?
56. Have you ever been to NYC? No, but would like to go!
57. Have u ever pulled an all nighter? where? In my younger years!
58. What was the last compliment you recieved? You Rock!
59. Would you ever date someone younger than you? Not really!
60. Would you ever date someone older than you? My ex was about twelve years older
61. Are you the romantic type? Definitely
62. Is your best friend a virgin? Hell No!
63. Has there ever been a rumor spread about you? Which time....
64. What did you do last night? Worked, made dinner and played with my cats! Told you I was wild!
65. Favorite Place to live? In the country!
66. Best place to go on a date? Beach
67. Most memorable experience with a friend? too many...
68. Any trips planned with friends? No, but I have about four seminars next week...does that count?
69. Opinions/ Thoughts on Drugs and alcohol? Destroy lives and dreams~!
70. Do you believe that there is such a thing as soulmates? Definitely...I have found mine!
71. Whats the carziest thing you've done? I stripped on the peak of a mountain...don't ask!
72. Do you have your own crib? Hell NO!
73. DO U LOVE 2 PARTY Not so much any more!
74. DO U LIKE 2 PLAY WIT PEOPLES MINDS Not really
75. R U A HEARTBRAKER Not so much these days!
76. Have any pets Fu-Fu and Kitty
77. Talked on the phone for more than 6 hrs : When I was way younger
78. How did you find out about Myspace? In attempts to locate my daughter
79. Have you ever called anyone you met on Myspace? Yes...one person!
80. Have you ever met anyone you met on Myspace? No
Take This Survey | Create a Survey Tjshome.com
Name: Me
Birthday: December 16th
Birthplace: Omaha
Current Location:
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Blonde
Height: 5'6
Right Handed or Left Handed: I'm a leftie!
Your Heritage: WTF Knows....
The Shoes You Wore Today: Nike Sandles
Your Weakness: My Family
Your Fears: Life without Kasarra
Your Perfect Pizza: Pineapple and Canadian Bacon or Pepperoni, but nobody ever wants it!
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Master my new job in Oncology at the hospital...my brain hurts!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: LOL
Thoughts First Waking Up: Luv u 2...my kitties always wake me up!
Your Bedtime: Before 10:00 (I know..I'm a wild one!)
Your Most Missed Memory: Kasarra and my dad!
Pepsi or Coke: Diet Pepsi all the way!
MacDonalds or Burger King: Do I really have to choose???
Single or Group Dates: Can't remember that far back!
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla: Definitely Chocolate!
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappuccino....yummmmmm!
Do you Smoke: Definitely Not!
Do you Swear: Hell Yeah!
Do you Sing: Like Yeah!
Do you Shower Daily: Does anyone ever say no???
Have you Been in Love: Definitely
Do you want to go to College: Been there done that!
Do you want to get Married: Aren't I already???
Do you belive in yourself: I am better at that now!
Do you get Motion Sickness: Sometimes
Do you think you are Attractive: ummm, sure!
Are you a Health Freak: Like NO!
Do you get along with your Parents: Yeah
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yes and No!
Do you play an Instrument: Yes
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: No, it has been many moons ago!
In the past month have you Smoked: Hell No!
In the past month have you been on Drugs: HELL NO!
In the past month have you gone on a Date:&..39;
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Oh yeah, including yesterday and today and probably tomorrow also!
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Ewwwwww! Not even to save my life!
In the past month have you been on Stage: Yes, if you count work!
In the past month have you been Dumped: Not that I know of....what do ya know???
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: LMFAO...and that would be a NO!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Definitely NOT!
Ever been Drunk: awww....in my younger years~
Ever been called a Tease: Sure...I think every girl has!
Ever been Beaten up: Yeah...I dated some real winners when I was younger!
Ever Shoplifted: When I was way way younger and STUPID!
How do you want to Die: Not in a hurry, but in my sleep. Not into pain! I would like to have my family nearby.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A writer and then an attorney!
What country would you most like to Visit: Brazil or Africa
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Doesn't matter, but they usually have blue eyes
Favourite Hair Color:
Short or Long Hair: Must be long...have you seen Rusty's hair - it's longer than mine!
Weight: Doesn't matter
Best Clothing Style: Casual
Number of Drugs I have taken: Huh...like I would know that?
Number of CDs I own: Not many, everything is on my computer or IPOD!
Number of Piercings: 7
Number of Tattoos: 2
Number of things in my Past I Regret: A few....Biggest would be Kasarra!
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My Blog

Nice No More...

Being nice gets you no FREAKIN' anywhere in life!  Why bother when it only backfires... Yesterday started like any other day.  Nothing eventful...until right before I was leaving from work.&...
Posted by e Beneath the tears e on Tue, 05 Feb 2008 04:10:00 PST

To Kasarra with Love...

I just wanted to take a moment to let you know that even though you are not with us, you are very much a part of our family.  Words could never express the emptiness of not having you with us.&nb...
Posted by e Beneath the tears e on Wed, 26 Dec 2007 04:15:00 PST

Happy Birthday to Me!

Another year...another birthday...or was it??? I think I had the worst birthday ever!  My family did not acknowledge nor remember.  Finally I ended up doing what I always do...going to work....
Posted by e Beneath the tears e on Mon, 17 Dec 2007 03:46:00 PST

Father's Day....

Another father's day without my dad.  I find as the years pass by, it becomes so much more difficult being without him.  I miss his smile and humour.  My mom says that I am so much of h...
Posted by e Beneath the tears e on Sun, 17 Jun 2007 03:17:00 PST

In memory of my daughter Christina......

Though I never seen your beautiful eyes and engaging smile, you will forever be in my heart my beautiful baby girl.  Why you were chosen to leave this earth upon your arrival, I shall never fully...
Posted by e Beneath the tears e on Mon, 21 May 2007 05:49:00 PST

Tag....I'm It! Thanks Jackie!

..>   I've been tagged!     10 Odd things about me!! 1.  I cry everyday.  I feel things on a much deeper level than most.  I am totally sensitive and sentimental.&nb...
Posted by e Beneath the tears e on Sun, 15 Apr 2007 05:59:00 PST

We Found Kasarra....

Now what....I have waited so many years for this moment.  What do I do now?  I have found my daughter Kasarra on myspace.  So why am I so scared to write her.  How do I tell her in...
Posted by e Beneath the tears e on Fri, 06 Apr 2007 04:06:00 PST

To Dad With Love

You have been on my mind so many times as of lately.  How I wish I could have you back here with me.  My life has been so empty since the day you died in my arms.  My life is filled wit...
Posted by e Beneath the tears e on Fri, 27 Oct 2006 03:32:00 PST