Chelle

Well, I decided that it is time that I update my profile page as I have had the same information on here ever since I developed my page in 2006.I almost don't even know where to start as I have gone through so many changes over the last 2 years. Actually, I do know where to start. I am going to use this as my personal testimony of what God has done for me in my life.I went through a lot of junk before I was saved by Jesus in May of 2004. I was married when I was 19 to a man whom I thought that I loved and I stayed married to him for 7 long years. I am not sure that he ever loved me; not the way that I was supposed to be loved. I know that at times I did things that made him incredibly angry but regardless, he should have never laid his hands on me in an unloving manner. My ex-husband abused me before we ever got married and I married him anyway because I thought that I could change him once I got the ring on my finger. The things that we believe when we are young and don't know any better. I knew everything there was to know about everything and no one could tell me any different. I left my ex-husband 3 times before I was able to make it stick. Leaving him was the hardest and scariest thing that I had ever done. I was so scared that I would never be able to make it on my own because I barely made minimum wage.So, once I left, I got my own place and took on two jobs. I worked two jobs most of the time that I was married because I didn't have enough money to pay my bills. Now, I worked two jobs because I had taken up drinking so that I wouldn't have to think about how much of a failure that I had been in my marriage. I just wanted to be numb. So, when I got off work at my day job in the lab, I would go to work at my second job in the bar. All of my tips and wages went to eating junk and drinking alcohol. I was having the time of my life until my habit (addiction) got out of hand and I started having to use my money from my day job to buy my alcohol because I wasn't making enough at the bar to keep my alcohol around. It spiraled out of control and eventually, I lost my house and went to live with my niece. Eventually, I moved in with my sister and then I finally lived with my new boyfriend.Oh, the new boyfriend was such a winner; he had just gotten out of prison but I was told that he took great care of his women. So, I thought, well, everyone deserves a second chance and of course, my hormones were raging wild and I decided to see where things would go. Things were great for a while between us until he got bored with me. He started going out without me and staying out all night long in my car and I wouldn't have a way to get to work the next morning. He would make up all kinds of excuses. I would forgive him and start all over again. This went on for almost two years until we finally decided that I would move out but we would still stay together. That was so dumb of me. The first time that I went over there unannounced, he was in bed with another woman. So, that was the end of that.Oh, I didn't even mention that during all this nonsense, my dad lost his battle with lung cancer and passed away. This put me into a deep depression and then finding out about my boyfriend cheating on me, made me sink even lower. I was drinking more than ever and doing things that were completely out of character for me. I ended up checking myself into the hospital and was diagnosed as being clinically depressed. I was there for a week and they taught me about grieving for the loss of my dad and my relationship with my boyfriend. They taught me how to cope with my emotions....or so I thought.I went back home and I immediately started going to the bar again. One night after I had been out of the hospital for about a month, a friend of mine wanted to introduce me to one of his friends. I kept telling him that I wasn't ready to meet anyone after my break-up and he persisted. I finally told him that I would meet him. We hit it off pretty well and we began dating and eventually moved in together. As soon as he moved in with me, things started to go downhill. I was getting my heart broken all over again and didn't even know how to stop it. I finally decided that I was going to join the army.....in a way, I was running away and in a way I was trying to find who I was.Upon graduating from basic training, my boyfriend (who said he was going to marry me) came to see my graduation. We got to spend the day together. I was so tired from training that I fell asleep. At one point, I had mentioned something about the new clothes that he was wearing and he said yeah, "we" went shopping. I got a sick feeling when he said that but I decided to blow it off.A few months went by after this and I was still in training. I called home knowing that he wouldn't be there but I just wanted to leave him a message to let him know that I was thinking about him. I got a rude awakening when a woman answered our phone. He was seeing someone else and had let her move in to our home.I was so devastated. My drinking began again as soon as I got out of training. I drank more and more and more. I just wanted all the pain to stop. The more I drank, the more I felt the pain. So, I drank more. It was a never-ending battle. Through all of this, I was trying to work things out with him and at least salvage a friendship with him. This was another never-ending battle.So, after trying to work things out for a year, I finally decided to let go of the battle when I found out that he had continued to see this woman the whole time. Letting go of him was the best thing that I could have ever done.About the time that I was in the middle of trying to break off this relationship, I met someone else and I have to say that I was scared to death. I was so sure that every man that I met from now on was going to cheat on me and treat me bad; possibly beat me up. The night that I met this man, we talked for hours and we had great conversation. We continued to see each other and he was helping me through my breakup with this other man and he was actually being a friend to me. I didn't know how to deal with this at first because no man in my life had ever wanted to be my friend. This man was so nice to me and we enjoyed each other's time so much. I couldn't wait to get off work every day so that I could go and see him. There were times that we weren't together and in those times, all I could think about was him.This man was different and I was trying to figure out what it was (other than him just being my friend) that made him so different. One night, we had a long talk about God and I told him that I was saved but that I wasn't doing a very good job of being a Christian. I actually didn't know how to be a Christian. I was still drinking heavily and it was the first thing that I did when I got off work and got back to my room. I always had alcohol in my room. He told me something so very simple that changed my life. He said all you have to do is turn around and walk back towards God. As soon as he told me that, my whole life started to take on a different look.About that time was when we got deployed to Iraq. He told me that he didn't want to see me anymore and that we wouldn't be in contact after we left because he didn't want us to lose focus on the objective overseas. I was devastated. I thought that he felt something for me and what he didn't know is that I had fallen in love with him. I left the next day and didn't think that I would ever see him again.When I arrived overseas, I was terrified. I had no idea what was going to happen. All I knew was that I had to keep my faith in God. I began realizing that the more I read my bible the more I was able to cope with things. The more that I was coping with things, the more that I was beginning to be happy. I didn't even know what happiness felt like. It was new, exciting and strange all at the same time. I was trying to figure out how I could feel happy in the place that I was in....Iraq.I kept up with my everyday readings and praying and stayed faithful to it. I began getting a better understanding of what it meant to walk in the spirit of God. It was during this time that I was praying for spiritual healing for myself and I began trying to quit smoking. I didn't have a choice with the drinking because I wasn't allowed to have it overseas...which was a blessing. I struggled and struggled with the smoking and didn't succeed. God was still teaching me though. I was learning new things everyday. I felt like I was being overwhelmed with blessings and I didn't even understand why.That's when it happened. I got transferred to a different base in Iraq and I knew that the man that I had met before being deployed was on this base. I wasn't sure how I felt about that though. I began my new job and starting watching the days tick by. Some went fast and others were incredibly slow. My roommate worked nights so I was always by myself. I wasn't stationed with the rest of my unit so I didn't know anyone. I would go to the dining facility every night around 6 and get my dinner and take it back to my room. I very rarely ate at the chow hall. One particular night, I went in to get my food and as I turned around to go back and get something that I had forgotten, there he was. His mouth fell open and hit the floor. The only thing that he could say was what are you doing here? I told him that I was attached to his unit and working there now. That was that and I went back to my room to eat.So, I am back at work and doing my routine and living my new life with God. I kept up my praying and asking God to heal me and to someday bring someone to me that would love me for who I am. I kept asking him for a good Christian man that would love me and take care of me. I told him that I didn't expect it anytime soon and that I was willing to wait until He was ready for me to meet someone.About another month had gone by and it seemed that this would be how things were going to be the whole time that I was there. I was enjoying my time with God but I was feeling lonely always having to eat alone in my room or alone in the dining facility. I just wanted a friend that I could talk to. Then, it happened again. I ran into him in the dining facility again and he asked me to stay and eat with him because he wanted to talk to me. So, we ate our dinner and he walked me back to the building where I lived at and he sat outside and talked with me for a while. He came out with his feelings for me and told me that he loved me. I told him that I didn't love him. I was so scared to love him because I thought that he would hurt me. I felt horrible for lying to him because I really did love him but I couldn't tell him. He left and I went back to being lonely.I spent a lot of time thinking about that conversation and about how it made me feel when he told me that he loved me. I was also praying about it and I heard God tell me that I asked for him and then I turned him away. I said that was him??? God said yes. I couldn't wait to go and find him. As soon as I ran into him again, I told him that I needed to talk to him and he said OK. When we had the chance, I told him that I loved him and all he could ask me was if I was sure. I said yes I am more sure than I have ever been. I never told him about the conversation I had with God. He knows that I prayed for him to come into my life but he doesn't know that God told me that He sent him to me. Well, he'll know now.We began a relationship together (as much of one as you can have in Iraq) and we began really knowing each other. Being in Iraq was the best thing because we had a chance to form a friendship without the outside world interfering. He kept joking with me and saying let's get married. Each time I would say OK. We joked like that for months until one day, when he came back from his R&R leave and got down on his knee and asked me to marry him. I had never felt so much love for someone in all my life and I couldn't contain my tears and I said yes.We finished our tour in Iraq and were married on Valentine's Day 2006 in St. Thomas. We went on a cruise and that was the day that we docked at St. Thomas. It was the best time of my life. It was the most romantic experience I have ever had. (See my pics) My husband is a wonderful man.My husband has been my teacher, my lover, and most importantly, the best friend that I have ever had. He is the only person on this earth that knows everything there is to know about me. I trust my husband with my life. Why do I feel this way about him??? I'll tell you. I mentioned that he has been my teacher; he has taught me about the bible and helped me along my spiritual journey. My husband has guided me and helped me to learn and grow. He loves Jesus more than any other man I have ever met.My spiritual journey has recently taken another turn. I have found myself without my husband here to guide me as he is in Iraq. I had surgery on my foot and was unable to deploy this time. God makes things work out His way for a reason. The reason for this is to teach me to rely solely on God and only God. He has been telling me that I have been relying on Percy too much and not Him. I have been learning more and more about how much God loves me. I don't think that I can ever forget now that he is a very sovereign God who loves us all unconditionally. Once I realized that God loves me, my life became so much better.Oh, and by the way, I have been delivered from cigarettes. I quit 8 months ago but it had nothing to do with me. God took away the craving for the cigarette. He told me that I didn't need them anymore. Now, the smell of them make me sick to my stomach.I realize now that I will never be alone again and that I won't be lonely either. God will be with me always. Christian Myspace Layouts - Salvation MySpace Layouts Christian Myspace Layouts