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Michael

Desiderata ...

About Me

Hello there. My parents were extras on the set of "Little House on the Prairie" when I was young, and when they came back to England they were very keen to keep the experience alive. Unfortunately I was their only child, so there really wasn't any choice in the matter for me. I got used to my father's Michael Landon rubber mask after a while. Though I still have therapy for the nightmares.Of course, I was bullied at school for being the only cross-dressing pony-riding pistol-packing Kate in the school, but you can find good in anything if you try hard enough. I learnt to take shampoo with me when I went into the toilets (or was carried there), and so rarely had to waste time on washing my hair at home, for example.In my teenage years I rebelled, fuelled by the heady mix of protest programmes that were coming from America- "The Partridge Family" and "Happy Days" opened my eyes to a whole new world of liberal values, personal freedom and designer knitwear. The Fonz wore leather! So I could wear leather! William Partridge Jnr had red hair and freckles, and he played baseball! So red hair and freckles were OK! I grew my hair long (it went over my collar at the back), got rid of the pigtails, saved up to buy a VW I could call Herbie, and stayed out after 9 o'clock. They were wild times. I didn't smoke though.But this heady whirl of rebellion couldn't last, and eventually I started to miss the things I realised I really loved- apple pie, outdoor toilets and the sounds of animals in barns behind closed doors. My parents forgave me and we made up. I joined the family business of making wax candles of celebrities, and specialised in Tom Cruise and Michael Jackson, despite the fact no-one could find the wick on the "Tom Cruise" to light, and they always said my "Michael Jackson" looked melted. No, I was just trying to capture the moment.In conclusion, I would say I'm a happy, outgoing, well adjusted, normal member of society, and I am looking for my soulmate. You don't have to like animal husbandry but it would help. I have a tattoo of Marilyn Manson, but I had it done on my mother in case I didn't like it. I didn't. That was lucky. So, if you don't like tattoos, and we decide to meet up, I will ask my mother not to come with me for once. And best of all, I can do candlelit dinners, particularly if you're a Tom Cruise or Michael Jackson fan. But if you're a fan of another celebrity, send me a photo and I'll see what I can do- I recently waxed down Russell Crowe, despite the problems of getting the fur to stay on.

My Interests

I would like eventually to retire to my own "Little House on the Prairie". Sidcup looks nice.

I'd like to meet:

As I said, my soulmate. But failing that, I hanker after a woman with strong hands who shaves her legs regularly and has not strangled a chicken recently. Acutally, who I'd really like to meet is Stephanie Mather, who worked in the Radcliffe Library in Oxford in the eighties- lost touch! If you are Stephanie! or know where she is, drop me a line. Be lovely to catch up again :)

Music:

Has to be Hillbilly.

Movies:

Nothing compares to work of Michael Landon - "Barnstormin Days", "BarnRaisin Days", and the classic "I Built a Barn in Winter and it Snowed". They don't make them like that any more.

Television:

You need electricity for that, don't you?

Books:

Books are the work of the Devil. Even the Bible is tainted in these dark times. So, we only keep the Mormon Tabernacle in our home. The Lord is my shepherd, and I shall wander as a lamb amongst the sheep of his flock. I'm not sure that's meant to be taken literally, though, as my uncle got arrested recently in the early hours at Ffordingnog Farm near Bets Y Coed.

Heroes:

Michael Landon, a man who could wring more emotion out of his lines than any of these modern "Hollywood Heroes". The passion in his trembling voice, barely audible above the tornado as he said "Tonight the sheep sleep with us, Mary Lou" from "Plum Valley Memories" still sends shivers down my spine.

My Blog

Celebrity lonely hearts

We readers of "OK Magazine", we guttersnipes, we gazers at the stars of who's happiness we can only jealously regard, and who's boots we are not fit to lick no matter what kinky parties we go to, imag...
Posted by Michael on Sun, 10 Jun 2007 03:42:00 PST

Oprah Winfrey

..> Oprah .... Until recently, my life was complete.   20 years ago I turned on my TV, and discovered "The Oprah Winfrey Show".   I was captivated.  The woman had everythi...
Posted by Michael on Sat, 09 Jun 2007 01:02:00 PST