Ryknow profile picture

Ryknow

Fact: Bears eat Beets.

About Me


..But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
..Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: ..We're ALL mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
..How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice. ..You MUST be,' said the Cat, ..or you wouldn't have come here.'
"Sell crazy some place else.
We're all stocked up here."

Paleontology makes baby Jesus cry.
Lets see, my name is Ryan, I'm a pretty retarded dude. I don't know what to say about myself. I'm a WICKED nice guy (to most people) and like to go out and have fun (sometimes a little too much - and I've got the bruises to prove it), then I wake up, laugh it off and do it all over again. I love hanging out with my friends and doing what ever won't get us arrested (well, most of the time). I love music, graphic design, stand-up comedians, all kinds of good stuff...
I like things that are cool and people that are cool.
You'd like me, hell, everyone else does! (Hah. yeah right)
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -
Thomas Alva Edison
(or sometimes, its missed because it doesn't look like you expected it to)...Boomstick.

My Interests

Potato Salad, Volkswagens, Music, Graphic Design, Jägermeister, Heineken, Center Square Albany, Programming (sometimes)...

I'd like to meet:

Cool people, un-cool people. Anyone really... Musicians, Artists, Chiropractors, silly pink bunnies, Shoe Cobblers, Old Friends (people who use too many commas)... etc.

A few points I would like to make 1: Watching Fox news has been known to cause cancer in laboratory rats, your mileage may vary. My mileage varies, depending on if I'm using my "homemade gasoline" or not.

2: Went to a restaurant in Toronto a bunch of months back where the waiter had 2 thumbs on each hand. This makes me an expert on all deformities and I hereby proclaim myself fully qualified to discuss such things and make a ruling on other such sightings, should they surface.

3: My sense of smell is expert due to my 26 years of smelling things. If you make some Macaroni and Cheese, I will smell it and verify that you mixed it correctly - then you will receive a thumbs up and I'll head off to the next house.

4: My computer at work has a retractable drink-holder and a lit-up foot pedal, yet it cannot mend my slacks.

5: I saw a turtle.

I really did.

"I can't hear you, BK Broiler!"

Music:

Metal, Hardcore, Glam Rock, Rock, Emo, Screamo, damn... all kinds of random shit... Lets see here...

Pantera, Corrosion of Conformity, Prong, Helmet, Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Fear Factory, Metallica, Rage Against the Machine, Tool, Down, Cromags, 36 Crazyfists, Machine Head, Cheech, 25 Ta Life, Alice in Chains, Ben Folds, Avenged Sevenfold, Skinless, Clutch, David Bowie, Dillinger Escape Plan, Gov't Mule, Blue Oyster Cult, Murphys Law, The Violence Sequence, Johnny Cash, Killswitch Engage, Lamb of God, Mastadon, Megadeth, The Misfits, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Biohazard, House of Pain, Everlast, Waylon Jennings, Crowbar, Kyuss, White Zombie, Detriment, Stigmata, Subzero, Superjoint Ritual, The Supersuckers, System of a Down, Mercyful Fate, Last Call, The Erotics, Bright Eyes... Like I said... Random!

Movies:

Campy horror movies, bad comedies, anything bad, lame or unwatchable I'll pretty much be up for. I have been known to watch terrible movies OVER and OVER again, just because they are on. In fact, if my roommate comes home to me watching 'Ghost Ship' one more time - I'm pretty sure that I'm getting socked in the head. Let's see...

Friday the 13th series, Nightmare on Elm Street, Evil Dead Trilogy, Michael J. Fox movies, The Shining, Deliverance, Shaun of the Dead, House of 1000 Corpses, Groundhog Day, I don't know... lots of crap - I'll think of it later....

Television:

All HBO channels most of the time, but I used to be a dedicated Simpsons fan... anything funny and slightly off beat will do... I'm not good at making lists like this... I'm currently digging Dead Like Me, Carnivale, Monster Garage, American Chopper, Mythbusters, Miami Ink, South Park, Family Guy, Simpsons, Seinfeld, House MD, Studio 60, Heroes (yeah, I know) plus all the usual stuff... I'll watch Discovery Channel for days too, it could be about midgets, humpback whales, roving ant colonies, or Tom Brokaw's hairpiece... Its all about learning.

The more you knoooooww! (ding ding ding ding)

Books:

In NO particular order: Stephen King (before he 'jumped the shark'), Dean Koontz, Mike Patterson, Hemingway, William Gibson, Michael Crichton, Mark Twain, Robin Cook, H.P. Lovecraft, John Saul, Lewis Carrol (one fucked up dude), Dan Brown... currently reading NEXT by Michael Crichton...

Heroes:

Individuals who have true respect for other people; and act that way...

Oh yeah, and Mitch Hedberg.

I admire anyone who can make a living doing what they love. I envy you, the rest of us have to settle for careers in 'what we're good at'.

My Blog

Listen to the tales of your elders, we’ve got wisdom pouring out of our bedpans

I remember this one time back in '95 - I was moseying down to my bus stop when suddenly I realized I didn't have an onion on my belt (that was the style at the time). So, I had to turn around and walk...
Posted by Ryknow on Wed, 22 Aug 2007 04:11:00 PST

Alex Rodriguez beat a giant squid singled-handedly THEN invented gun powder!

                   Tripe Crown is RIGHT.Sigh, I can always tell that its baseball season because......someone w...
Posted by Ryknow on Thu, 26 Apr 2007 07:37:00 PST

How do you thaw a frozen turkey? Blow in it's ear.

We have a rotting turkey sitting on our doorstep. Who knew that a turkey could still rot inside that plastic shell with its protective mesh covering. Why do they cover them with mesh anyways? Does tha...
Posted by Ryknow on Thu, 19 Apr 2007 03:08:00 PST

Eating Olives can kill! Popeye rushed to the hospital.

Mmmmmm, Jars of Olives with Botulism... (link opens in a new window)Ugh, Well, even without the threat of Botulism, I certainly hate me some olives. They come up on my Top Ten list of things that I wi...
Posted by Ryknow on Thu, 19 Apr 2007 02:25:00 PST

Sanjaya sucks at singing like Jimmy Kimmel sucks at comedy (OR: Diet Coke plus Benefits)

So, here I am in the supermarket minding my own business. Contemplating my bottled water future, do I want 'Desert Spring' or 'Pure Life'? (I'm no doctor, but drinking reddish brown tap water can't be...
Posted by Ryknow on Tue, 17 Apr 2007 05:05:00 PST

You can pet my Goat. Just wash your hands first, please.

I tried to feed a goat a tin can once. He wouldn't eat it. Cartoons have steered me wrong once again. Besides... the supervising Goat master scolded me before the Goat had a chance to fully understand...
Posted by Ryknow on Thu, 05 Apr 2007 02:53:00 PST

Puppies and Kittens are made out of meat actually...

...Exiting his pod bay door door, Ben Junior looked around slowly, his eyes wide with amazement. This was the land that his forefathers spoke of, the land that human ingenuity had promised and so righ...
Posted by Ryknow on Wed, 28 Mar 2007 02:20:00 PST

Midgets dress better than I do. (cause Gap Kids is stylish)

A few weeks ago a friend of mine asked me what he should buy his girlfriend, so I though hard and came up with some sound advice that just may change the world as we know it.My greatest idea ever: I f...
Posted by Ryknow on Tue, 20 Feb 2007 08:06:00 PST

You'll run the bill up!

...Speaking of bills, I honestly don't think that a duck or even its smarter cousin, the goose, could use my phone to text anyone - even if you were able to teach them how....I suppose that even if I ...
Posted by Ryknow on Fri, 29 Dec 2006 07:40:00 PST

High Fructose Corn Syrup Martyr

I have consumed so much caffeine today that I think my consciousness has reached a level previously unattainable by the common man.My synapses snap, crackle and pop at ideas never before entertained. ...
Posted by Ryknow on Mon, 26 Dec 2005 04:49:00 PST