Show Dick Some Respect!

50 THINGS THE WORLD SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME
1. What’s your best pick-up line? Does this cloth smell of chloroform to you?
2. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Who says cinema? It’s the friggin’ movies. Rich people go to the cinema. I’m poh! Fun with Dick & Jane. Good flick.
3. What's your favorite TV show? The Oprah Winfrey show
4. What's your favorite cuisine? Again, rich people talk. I call it food. You can’t call pizza cuisine.
5. Do you prefer Evian, Poland Spring, or Dasani bottled water? I don’t drink water. Fish fuck in it. In fact, if I am being perfectly honest, that is probably the least disgusting thing they do in it.
6. What foods do you dislike? Rude ones who think they are better than other foods
7. Favorite sandwich? Chicken Tender Melt at Perkins. I swear to you I would kill for that sandwich if I had to. Fortunately, they have a barter system set up where I just have to give them money in exchange for the sandwich, but if they ever switch to the “dead body for sandwich” system, I am ready and willing to go there.
8. Favorite item of clothing? My jean jacket and my paisley button down. Uhh!! What’s up??
9. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Afghanistan
10. What does your name mean? My name is Indian for Fucks with Socks On.
11. Favorite brand of clothing? Victoria’s Secret.
12. Where would you retire? Tajikistan
13. Favorite time of the day? 5:34 and 20 seconds PM. Here it comes….. and ……there it goes. Ah, good old 5:34 and 20 seconds PM; if only you could last a little longer. :..(
14. Where were you born? I was born a poor black child in Camden NJ
15. Favorite sport to watch? Ultimate Fighting. I’m training to be a cage fighter.
16. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Well, this is just an email that I pasted into My Space so I didn’t have to actually tell people about me. I am lazy like that. Therefore, I don’t expect anyone to send it back because I am not really “sending” it to anyone, but good question ;)
17. Person you expect to send it back first? Aren’t you listening to me? I told you that I don’t expect anyone to send it back because I am not sending it anywhere. I am merely posting it to be read by whomever cares to. You need to clean out your ears dude. Don’t ask again about people sending this back to me or I swear to God...... :|
18. What fabric detergent do you use? Are you F-ing kidding me? Tide mother bitch!! I wouldn’t be caught dead using anything else.
19. Were you named after someone? Yes, two people actually. I was named after my older brother and my older sister, but before my younger sister. Or am I not understanding the question?
20. Do you want everyone you sent this to send it back? You son of a bitch!! :(
21. When did you last cry? I don’t want to talk about it. Ok... it was back at question 13. Boy, it’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. You’re right. It does feel good to talk about it. :)
22. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Yes, but the original me wouldn’t want to be friends with the “another person” me. He’s kind of a dick like that.
23. Are you a daredevil? Hells yeah!! For several reasons: (1) broken bones heal, (b) chicks dig scars, and (3) the good ole US of A has the best doctor to daredevil ratio in the world!
24. Do looks matter? Only if she’s ugly. If she’s hot, her looks matter a lot less. Then it’s all about the boobs baby!! (or do boobs count in the “looks” department?) Either way, YES!!
25. How do you release anger? I beat my wife and kids
26. Where is your second home? Beverly Hill, California. I have a 27-room mansion overlooking the vineyards and.... are you insane? I don’t even own one home much less a second one. How the hell did I wind up on this mailing list?
27. What class in High School was totally useless? They were all equally useless, just like college. Random fact: School takes 13 years because that’s how long it takes to break a child's spirit.
28. Do you use sarcasm a lot? God no. Sarcasm is wrong.
29. Favorite movies? Lord of the Rings trilogy and the Matrix trilogy. I guess I have a thing for trilogies. Although I can’t think of a third trilogy that I really like and believe me I tried. Because it would have been really cool to list a trilogy of trilogies. So I guess to answer to your question “no, I don’t like trilogies that much other than The Lord of the Rings and the Matrix.” How weird that you would ask me about trilogies but whatever.
30. What are your nicknames? The fellas at the gym call me Schmooopsie Poo but in the past I was called foot, step-and-fetch-it, and papa Proud at different times.
31. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No, I cut the laces with scissors. It’s expensive, but quick.
32. Do you think you are strong? Does the Pope shit in the woods?
33. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? WAIT! I just remembered! The Austin Powers Trilogy! Yeah Baby! How could I possibly forget that? Wow! A trilogy of trilogies. So what do I win?
34. What are your favorite colors? Chartreuse, Mauve, and Lavender....MIXED! I call it Chartrauvender.
35. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My inability to think of a funny answer for every question here, my saucer-sized nipples, and my hairy toes.
36. Who do you miss the most? My fam and Alan Hale Jr. (the guy who played the Skipper on Gilligan’s Island). The Lord took you too soon my hommie. (pouring a sip on the ground)
37. Do you wish on stars? Yes, I pray for devilishly good looks, huge pectoral muscles and cash money. Two out of three ain’t bad. You have to guess which two I got.
38. What color pants are you wearing? Pants? Oh yes... of course... pants. Umm... blue. No no no. I mean brown. Yes, brown pants. Uh huh, the pants I am wearing are definitely brown. Whew... that was close.
39. Last thing you ate? Papa Johns but I call it Poopy Joes. Not because it tastes like crap or anything; I just think it’s funny.
40. If you were a CRAYON what color would you be? That is just a stupid question. I swear I don’t get people who have answers for a question like that. It's like “what kind of tree would you be?” I’m all like, “huh?” How could you possibly have an answer for a question so baseless? Green ok? I’d be green. Well they don’t make a Chartrauvender crayon.
41. Favorite non-alcoholic drink? Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like performing oral sex on a blow up doll. What the hell’s the point?
42. Favorite alcoholic drink? Yuengling Lager & Mikes Hard Lemonade The fact that I know how to spell Yuengling is testament to how much I like it. Because let’s face it folks, Yuengling is not in spell checker....yet.
43. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Usually how hard they hit, how fast they run, or how loud they scream. Oh yeah, and their boobs. Are we starting to see a pattern here?
44. Words to live by? If you meet a clown in a forest, it means you’re gonna die.
45. Favorite smell? Cocaine.
46. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Neither, I like scary endings and happy movies.
47. Summer or winter? I need’em both. You can’t snowboard in the summer and you can’t play horseshoes in the winter.
48. Hugs or Kisses? That’s none of your business and I’ll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs.
49. What Book(s) Are You Reading? Ha haaa, check you out!! BookS. Plural...yeah that's good. LMAO C’mon man, what did I tell you about the rich folk talk already!?!
50. What should you be doing instead of this? Curing cancer. I hope you’re happy