Bargain aisles at Morrissons, playing obscenely loud music for no other reason than to piss people off, gigs, Wikipedia and Sickapedia, Delia Smith + my foxy cake stand= oh! yeah,...Sitting... Looking... Watching... Judging.
After much thought, I have compiled a new and comprehensive list which, admittedly, leans more in the direction of hatred than admiration...Concerning heroes... Kim Deal, D'arcy Wretzky, Steven Fry, John Irving, Sally Jessy Raphael, Georgie Wells (not myself- the former alcoholic horse trainer), Robert Smith, Josie Long, Pam St. Clement......and you. I like your face.Concerning zeros... Queens of Noize, Fearne Cotton (and Edith Bowman, for that matter), anyone associated with 'Emmerdale', be they cast or crew, Hare Krishnas, Big Brother 'winners', Pop Idol 'winners'... the packing people at Ikea who never include enough screws or, indeed, pieces... the clerk at Camden Council who made me sit on the 'naughty seat' next to the big-numbered telephone for specials and the elderly mad...You're all shit.
Cutting the crap: AFX, Air, Arcade Fire, Birdpen, Birthday Party, BYOP, Cat Power, Creatures, the Cure, Deerhoof, Depeche Mode, Dresden Dolls, Eels, Feist, Goldfrapp, Martin Grech, PJ Harvey, Interpol, Joy Division, Joy Zipper, Love, Mazzy Star, My Bloody Valentine, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Orbital, Pixies, Iggy Pop, Radiohead, Ramones, Secret Machines, Siouxie and the Banshees, Sonic Youth, Regina Spektor, Patrick Wolf...
"Jaws" (took 13 years but I got there in the end), and for that matter "Jaws 2", "Amelie", "The Witches", "La Haine", "Lord of the Rings", "Labyrinth", "Shaun of the Dead", "Monsters Inc.", "Ghost World", "Virgin Suicides", "Dogma", "Donnie Darko" , "Alice in wonderland", "the Goonies", "Flight of the Navigator"
"The young ones", "The Simpsons", "Scrubs", "Family Guy", "The Office", "How clean is your house?" (portly domestic godesses), "Hollyoaks", "Green Wing", "Nathan Barley", "Blackadder", "Never Mind the Buzzocks", "Eastenders", "Strictly baby ballroom" (a one-off special simply isn't enough- bring it back!), "Jeremy Kyle", "Forgive or forget", "The Golden Girls", "The Munsters", "Father Ted"...
very much enjoy pictures of soap stars in 'the radio times', although if pushed: Anything by Steven Fry or John Irving, especially 'The World According to Garp', and a small bundle of angry letters to local MPs my dad has compiled for my entertainment...
Daddy Wells: 'You, madam, have as much charisma to the everyday man as a bowl of cold porridge. As my old grandad used to say, you'll never get anywhere if you expect perfection...if it was up to people like you, we'd be under the Nazi jackboot that loomed in world war 2. Trust you're feeling thoroughly ashamed of yourself...' Plus, his recent plan to relieve pubs of spare ashtrays and market them on Ebay as a job lot of 'shallow soup dishes for sharers, complete with spoon rests'.