Chuck Norris profile picture

Chuck Norris

How bout my foot meets your face?

About Me


1. Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
2. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
3. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
5. There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
6. Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
7. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
8. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
9. Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
10. Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING

The Ode to Chuck Norris


There shined a hero, a roundhousing knight, A tower of strength, a pillar of might.
His feet arched high and kicked Satan in the face, -A swift roundhouse of immaculate grace.
The Devil was speechless with nothing to say, For God didn't make this man out of clay.
Balls of steel, and an iron fist grip Leather tough skin and a stiff upper lip.
The Devil himself was all out of luck When God himself made a man known as Chuck.

My Interests

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frostRemember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Movies:

The Wrecking Crew, Return Of The Dragon, Breaker! Breaker!, Good Guys Wear Black, A Force Of One, The Octagon, An Eye For An Eye, Silent Rage, Forced Vengeance, Lone Wolf McQuade, Missing In Action, Missing In Action II: The Beginning, Code Of Silence, Invasion USA, Delta Force, Firewalker, Braddock: Missing In Action III, Hero And The Terror, Delta Force 2: Operation Stranglehold, The Hitman, Sidekicks, Hellbound, Top Dog, Forrest Warrior

Television:

Walker, Texas Ranger

My Blog

My Personal Favorites

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. There is no theory of ...
Posted by Chuck Norris on Fri, 02 Jun 2006 11:35:00 PST

Face the CHUCK NORRIS facts:

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Crop circles are...
Posted by Chuck Norris on Fri, 02 Jun 2006 11:35:00 PST