I'm Pat Carlin.
People seem to like me because I am polite
and I am rarely late.
I like to eat ice cream
and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks.
Years later, a doctor will tell me
that I have an I.Q. of 48
and am what some people call
mentally retarded.
You all know me. For those of you that don't my name is Pat Carlin, and heres my little story in a paragraph. I was born in the city. San Francisco, but raised in Northwest Santa Rosa. I grew up in that area. The Coffee Park area. Block parties on the 4th of July, waterfights on 'The Corner'. That gave way to drinking in the park, and tokeing up in buddies garages. In High School I played football and alll that. Drank with the Bullmoosers. Had a blast! Maybe too much fun. I kept it up. The next 3 years was both an endless party, and a downward spiral. Got pretty heavy into drugs, and inevitably was arrested for it. That brings us to now. I've payed my debt to society, and cleaned up my act. I won't risk loosing everything ever again.
I'm a pretty regular guy. I love going to friday night Giants games. Hitting th bars and clubs. Chillin with my friends. Hanging with my bro, watching him skate. He's hella good! local sponsors and everything. I like to play pool. More specifically 3 cushion billiards, or Straightrail. (The pool table with no pockets where you use 3 balls) I'm quiet with people I don't know, but outgoing with people close to me. All my life I havn't ben abl;e to change that no-matter how much I might have wanted to. Just suck it up new person reading this. I'll come around. I'm also very sarcastic. I love making people weap at there own stupidity. Say you hear Thunder, and the lights are flickering in the house and someone comes in just soaked. "Is it raining out there?" you say. "No shithead, I just went running through the sprinklers for 30 minutes!" Give it time, you'll learn to love it. Or kick rocks and hate me for awhile.
I like all music. Except country of course. Mostly Rock. I'm really lovein' what I hear coming out of Florida all the time now. Red Jumpsuit apparatus, New Found Glory, Pretty much everything I hear, Last Winter I seem to really like. See in the Bay here, we have Hyphy. As for hip-hop I like it fine. But Hyphy is all over the San Francisco bay Area as you all noticed. In Florida it's all about the Rock. They have an awesome sound that comes outta that fun little state. If I were to move to the East Coast it would probubly be to a place like Orlando, or Miami, or somewhere fun in FL. Now that I'm more open-minded with my music, I feel like my whole style is changing. My hair is getting longer. My Jordan's have ben replaced with Osiris's, or Etnies. (Skate Shoes Beezys) I'm still from the Bay though. . . My Stunnas arn't going anywhere.
With my movies, well, I pretty much love movies. One of my favorette things. Going to the theater to go see the new ones. Watching old ones on HBO, or On Demand or whatever, doesn't matter. I'm one of the guys that wants everyone to shut up and pay attention! lol. I love stuff like Anchorman or Old School. Stuff with alot of 1 liners I can steal and use: "I don't know how to put this, but I'm kind of a big deal." Action movies that can keep me entertained with explosions, car chases, etc. Gone in 60 Seconds, The Rock, Bad Boys 1 & 2 just to name a few of my favorettes. Oh and I'm a huge James Bond fan. I prefer the new stuff though. Watching the old stuff. . . well, I have more advanced technology in my room than James did back in the 60's. a little hard to believe.
Well there you have it. My updated long ass about me section. I don't really talk this much in 'real life' I just like to make this pretty detailed, because every so often I get a message asking me to describe who I am and stuff, or old friends wanting to catch up. You just read about me in a nutshell, and wasted about 5 or so minutes of your life you can't have back! whats wrong with you. Get off the Internet, and hit me up in real life instead of reading 'About me' on MySpace.
Random facts:
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Pat Carlin smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Pat Carlin is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Pat Carlin once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Pat Carlin could use to kill you, including the room itself.
There is no "I" in team. There is an "I" in Pat Carlin. Fuck you, team.
Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North; They point in the direction of Pat Carlin. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, "Jackets are for pussies!" at the Arctic researchers.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Pat Carlin allows to live.
When Pat Carlin goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Pat Carlin has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT! They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN! The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Pat ate him for good measure. The incident has since been referred to as Christmas.
Pat Carlin can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
Pat Carlin is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Pat Carlin has two speeds: Walk and kill.
When Pat Carlin jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Pat instead.
Pat Carlin can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
When Pat Carlin was born, the nurse said, "holy crap! That's Pat Carlin!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
If you were to lock Pat Carlin in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever. It would sweep the Grammys. When asked why he doesn't do this Pat replied, "because Grammys are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
Pat Carlin played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Pat Carlin was the hunter who shot Bambi's mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
Pat Carlin coined the phrase, "I could eat a horse," after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Pat Carlin, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
Pat Carlin once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
On his birthday, Pat Carlin randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Pat Carlin can divide by zero.
You are what you eat. That is why Pat Carlin's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
When Pat Carlin does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up; He's pushing the Earth down
Crop circles are Pat's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
Pat Carlin is not lactose intolerant; he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
