Nicole

i am:
Christian, mother-daughter-sister, always up for making new friends, ambitious, flawed, purpose-driven, saved, an ubergeek, passionate, scottish-welsh-irish-norwegian-german-spanish-mexican&fi lipino, working on my procrastination, a cancer awareness advocate, inspired, a dork, jewelry-maker, ambiguous, not of this world, a former vocabulary junky, wrong all the time, eager to share my testimony, clumsy, broken, assertive, goofy, working on being more constructive & positive rather than sarcastic & cynical, left-handed, watching star wars, twenty-five going on three, the 'set' master, over my anti-establishment angst, learning to wait, the kid who had the last puzzle piece in my pocket the whole time, known to overanalyze sometimes, notsomuch in denial of my coldstone creamery addiction any more, joyfully Spirit-led when i am smart enough to be still and listen, all about the clearance section, a sucker for a venti non-fat suger free hazelnut latte and banana bread from starbuck's, so blessed, a lite brite enthusiast, ok with the fact that i was in marching band, forgiven . . .
i value:
love+joy+peace+patience+kindness+goodness+faithfulness+gentl eness+self-control+, leaving a legacy, family, childlike faith, tolerance, loyalty, humility, my mother's opinion, understanding, compromise, encouragement, communication, the 1st ammendment, new cultural perspectives, respect, antiques, consistency, acceptance, learning, accountability, other points of view, dynamic relationships, constructive criticism, life.
i have:
integrity, freckles, no idea what i'm talking about, compassion, faith, to touch the stove even if you told me it was hot, issues, allergies, eight ethnicities, depth, glasses, joy!
i eat:
SUSHI, jello through a straw, nectarines and turn them in to fish, gummy peach rings, mochi, my words a lot, italian gelato, humble pie, great white pizza from bj's, oranges from the inside out, my food but playing with it is more fun, pocky sticks, macaroni and cheese because it's still the best, Trader Joes, my pride.
i love:
GOD, being underestimated, live music, tranformers, bubble baths, fine dining, my c-group girls, alone time, the smell of clean laundry, the arts, sleep, road trips, van gogh paintings, overcast days, drawstring pants, ness, crayola crayons, candles, hearing the ocean, quality wines, rarely but madly, my son, Jesus, life.
more random info about me:
favorite color - baby blue; favorite animal - bottlenosed dolphin; siblings - 20 y/o brother; child - Kaleb!; favorite pet - hedgehog or toilet trained cat; pet peeves - bad grammar/spelling, but mostly people who are condescending to people with bad grammar/spelling; worst demons: forever recovering from 10 years of eating disorders and two drug relapses, workaholic & perfectionist, ocd tendencies, major control issues (with God); little known fact - i was a girl scout for 12 years; favorite bible verses - proverbs 31:30, corinthians 12:9, philippians 4:13, and jeremiah 29:11; indulgences - thin mint girl scout cookies, sweetcream yogurt with double brownie-double banana-double strawberry&chocolate chips from coldstone, manicures & pedicures/foot massages.
quote:
"This is his music: the deepest part of him. it is raw, primitive and instinctual; like air breathed, like pain bleeds. it is an unrelenting drive that cannot be stifled and a yearning within him that never ceases. it is his soul's whisper and his heart's fervor; untapped, unknown and undone. it is his endless burden, his greatest passion; the unleashing of his loves, losses and inspiration. it is his moment, his chaos, made simple and timeless. it is life revealed: his music." ~KNA
GodSpace - this was never MySpace:
i've been playing russian roulette with the Spirit while sitting atop this splintering fence for so long that there's actually a comfort in the promise of changing spiritual seasons. the biting cold of Wisdom's winter darkness is no surprise knowing i defiantly turn from the Son-light, and with it follows the unwavering calm of His peace, after the storm wreaks havoc and consequence. i stubbornly wait for the last possible moment to spark Him back into control of MyLife and pray that the consuming fire will leave me slightly less broken this time than the last. it's always an easy out to hold the bar at taking inventory when i’ve stumbled, admitting once again that MyWay will never fulfill me like His, tasting the bittersweet redemption of MySavior's sacrifice, and resuming the cycle of the humbled human. it’s that time now and i’m experiencing a different kind of anticipation as i fluff up angles on the latest chapter of Choose MyOwn misAdventure. i know that HisHealing has reached into places i hadn't "allowed" myself to consider handing over just yet and i am beginning to remember again who MyGod is - Jehovah Tsidkenu, MyRighteousness; Jehovah Rophe, MyHealer. while trying to rekindle the tiniest flame of surrender that i can muster, HisDiscernment flows through me and gently fills my cup with a burning reminder that it is that time now, because it always has been. MyFather's love is never-ending and HisGrace is reason enough to accept the truth of who i really am. unfortunately, the human heart cannot be understood, and i am left with simply what Christ did for me as the only test of truth that could stand The Refiner's fire. so now my choice is simple: i can disagree that i am perfectly made because of the imperfect life i live; even the imperfect thoughts that come when my heart is truly repentant. i can refute that i am the unique workmanship of my Lord because numerous versions of myself already do exist - they sell cheap every day in exchange for the world's acceptance and still remain ordinary, not one-of-a-kind. i can deny that i was created for His pleasure and His purposes by just looking in the Truth mirror, because i know this can't be pleasing to Him and it seems sometimes the only things i do with purpose are in fear or anger. i can refuse to believe that i am His beloved child, *His Little Ewe Lamb*, and that He cares for me as a Shepard does his sheep because i've long since wandered out to pasture and several times at that. all these things are a given internal battle that never ceases, but to say that they are not the Truth would require me to believe above all these things, that Jesus Christ did not die on that cross and take the burden of sin for the world - even me. there is no higher price than the wage of sin, and i cannot deny the blood shed for me. it could not have been worth more, so the truth is that i am not worthless. MyLife is galaxies from perfect, but Jesus was, so the Truth is that MyImperfection was nailed to the cross and i am restored to who my Father "perfectly made" me. i have been so many people and lived so many lives, but the life He designed for only me, this unique workmanship, is there to take if i would stop trying to be anyone else. i have done so many things on purpose to get the answers i wanted from God and i knew that couldn't please Him either, but in the Truth of His sacrifice i know the Truth of a future He has planned for HisPleasure that i would live to fulfill HisPurposes. He is the Master of Peace, and held safely in HisArms, standing boldly in the truth, i believe i am HisMasterpiece.
sometimes when the Lord says wait, i think my foolish heart misses the question mark at the end of the word. i hastily assume He is telling me to wait, when really He is asking me yet again, "Wait?" MyHeavenlyFather is just waiting for me to let go of all these unTruths i hold onto so tightly, because then He can finally begin to give me all the blessings He eagerly wants to pour into my life. so now it's time as it always has been, but when He offers to replace all MyPain and MyFear with HisLove and HisJoy, i won't tell Him to wait. this never was MySpace, just His, and i look forward to seeing what happens as i give up MyHeart again, so He can take away MyNeed to control it.
nothing compares to falling in love with God again... i know i am His and He is mine. what an incredible relief from MySelf to know that in Christ i am perfectly saved.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made great in weakness." 2 Cor 12:9