Tree-Hugging Pirate

Help my dragons grow up!
My name's Viki. Truthfully it's Victoria but I like Viki a lot better. There are two people that can call me Vic and get away with it, I don't advise that you try.No really I'm nothing special. Because everyone is different from everyone else in the same way that they are also the same as everyone else. So it would be lying for me to say that I was anything special. I have my good days and I have my bad. Some days I have to force myself to get out of bed, because I know the day will bring me down lower than I thought possible the night before. Others I bounce out of bed to the sound of my music, and go through the whole day smiling. I have a temper, but who doesn't. And there are days when the smallest thing might set me off. Other days I could care less what you say or do, because I am happy and willing to put up with the bull shit.I get attached to people easily, and that makes me feel vulnerable. Most of the time, I don't like feeling vulnerable. Sometimes I wish people would stay the hell away from me because most things end badly. [I doubt there's really another type of ending...] & I don't like getting hurt.Sometimes I break down, because even though I act strong I'm not. When I break down all I need is a sad song and a pillow, in a dark room. People trying to comfort me doesn't make sense to me.I was suicidal once. I won't lie about that part of my past. I pray everyday that it is in my past. I hate seeing my friends stumble down the same dead end road I was on, and knowing I can't bring them back.If my friends have a problem I want to fix it. When there's nothing I can do I feel useless. I like having the answer to the problem, I like solving it.Love is something I believe in fully. True love is not the same as being in love. In love is something romantic. While true love is a feeling that is too powerful to explain. I also believe in lust at first sight. I don't believe in the ability to love someone before you know them. When I say I love someone I mean it. Even though I say it often to a lot of people. Because for that second that I say it in, it is true. You can't run out of love... I think you can run out of in love though. Because every time I tell someone I'm in love with them it feels like I'm willing handing them a piece of my heart that I will never get back... A piece they will always own. So I don't fall in love all that often I'm sorry to say.True love is what I feel for my true friends. The ones I know will be there when all is said and done. The ones who are willing to listen to my rants and cries. Those who haven't turned their backs on me in the darkest of nights.I got side tracked with love for a while....There are days when I'm a selfish fake and a hypocritical bitch. When I don't want to see people, and want to deal with them even less. On those days music drowns out the people...I get easily hyper. I enjoy being hyper. It makes me happy for some reason...I started to wear all black to keep the annoying people away from me. The fake preps. Those unwilling to look past looks. Now it[All Black - Rain or Shine] has become a part of who I am.I hate people knowing that I'm sad. I cover it up with smiles, laughs, and hyperness. People don't notice if it's fake. They just shake their heads and ignore me. I'm glad. I don't want to make my friends sad with me. If I am able to act happy they won't have to worry. That's my logic.Music really is my life. Because it keeps me alive. Don't ask me to explain this. It's too long. In short, music is my Alternate Heartbeat just like Tais said. Music keeps my heart going when it wants to give up.I'm a very physical person. I can't not hug, hold, touch someone. If I'm in a relationship I have to be able to be near that person. It makes me feel solid. Helps me know that I'm not a dream...a ghost.If you read all of this I would like to give you a hug. It shows that you give a shit about me...