I work on having a strong internal sense of self worth which eliminates the need for external sources of gratification via attention-seeking behavior. I'd like to think that I have an internal locus of control - meaning that I don't lose much sleep over the things I don't have much control over. I try to develop meaningful relationships with people, not the shallow, acquaintance-type "friendships" that so many people seem to have with hundreds of people. That's good for customer relations, but not for ones personal life...just my opinion. Pretty much everyone you see on my friends list I have met in real life.
I do not view people as abstractions, proxies, or means to an end. I judge people on an individual basis and take them as I see them. I do generalize though, everyone generalizes.
I've noticed that in each situation we encounter, with each person we meet, we make a choice as to how we will handle it. First impressions are an example of Self Talk - it's what we tell ourselves. I think that self talk determines our behavior in pretty much every situation we encounter. Self talk determines our perceptions toward people and situations. Perceptions come from experience and they determine our reactions and thus, our behavior. Events don't cause behavior, it is our choice to behave that way. We can change our self talk and when we change our self talk, we will change our perceptions and when we change our perception of situations, we change our reactions/behavior toward those situations. Everybody has insecurities - some people simply let those insecurities be a guide to their life when it doesn't have to be that way.
I’ve learned that it is useless to try and derive validation from anybody else but myself. Having a strong sense of self is important as that is what it really means to be truly confident. Once you have proven yourself (to yourself), been through life a bit, you tend to mellow into a sort of quiet confidence which allows you to let others shine in their own light without having to top them. Nothing left to prove. People who are secure in themselves do not have to brag, advertise their accomplishments, or constantly remind others that they are a good person. Confidence should be natural...it should radiate from them. For self-confidence to be truly valid there has to be substance to back it up. Who you are, what you've accomplished, how you conduct yourself. It has to be consistent across the board and it has to reflect who you really are. I grew up a lot the day I decided to live life on my own terms, and not worry whether what I was doing was cool, or how so and so would feel about it. True confidence isn't about pounding your chest about and shouting out to the world about how great you are...that is a sign of insecurity. In reality, confidence is something deeply intrinsic, subdued and reflected in the way you go about in life.
I’m educated but having too much fun to be an intellectual suffering from paralysis by analysis. I’m comfortable with myself, know who I am and I don’t bother trying to be something I’m not. I will share my life experiences and the mistakes I have made with no regret while being mature enough to see the lessons I have learned. I’m someone who is stable and secure, easy going, supportive, outgoing, communicative, someone who knows that there are tradeoffs in life and that we can’t "have it all". I've sampled enough of life to know how to navigate roadblocks pretty well.
I’ve learned that being educated is not the same as being wise. Knowing a lot of facts and sounding sophisticated is not the same as having a genuine understanding of an issue.
I really like the company I work at. I will not work 60 or 70 hours a week because my job is not my life...it is simply a means to an end. I don't think about work when I am not at the office. How many tombstones have you seen that say "I wish I had spent more time at the office"? I don’t hate the rich and I don’t pity the poor. It is my opinion that free societies naturally gravitate toward a system where some people have a lot and some people have nothing, with a whole slew of intermediate levels in between. It's a consequence of human nature, plain and simple. Myself, I would never own a very expensive vehicle because vehicles do not go up in value. That being said, I will never criticize those around me for purchasing such things. If a friend of mine makes enough money to afford a BMW, that is their decision and I am happy for them.
It’s easy to be lonely and pissed off at the world. All you need is a couch and a TV. It’s difficult to pursue relationships and to get out there and meet people. You may have to drop your ego a bit, step outside your comfort zone, invest trust in other human beings and take leap of faith after leap of faith.
Choices...so many people are afraid to make them or are more comfortable making excuses rather than taking responsibility for their own life. Everything that you do in life requires a choice, whether you like it or not. When approached with a situation, you make a choice how you will handle it. Making a choice requires action, not intent. The only thing intent does for you is show others that you aren't reliable and trustworthy enough to stick to the decisions you claim to make. Problems are only as big as you make them.
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.
The "freedoms" that most adult people enjoy are largely a result of choices they make when they were in the process of becoming an adult. A lot of people make poor decisions which reduces their freedoms. The trouble with being broke is that it takes up all of your time. I remember having this illusion growing up that all adults were these wise figures. Now that I am older I realize that a good portion of adults have the emotional maturity of a 15 year old. As I get older, I really begin to see people for what they really are. You can always tell a lot about a person by how many friends they have...when you meet someone who doesn't have a lot of friends there is usually a reason (you see, life isn't that hard to figure out). As an adult, you lose that "the whole world doesn't matter" feeling because you come to realize that you are part of the process. The ability as a child to tune everything out is truly priceless.
I go to the gym several times a week. I'm pretty muscular as I used to lift very heavy but now I just lift to maintain what I’ve gained as I do a lot of other things around town like salsa dancing, jogging, hot yoga, metal shows, softball, etc. I play sports at a competitive level while at the same time always remembering that being competitive means playing hard and within the rules, exhibiting fair sportsmanship, winning graciously and losing with even more grace, and accepting of the situation when the calls don't go my way. Being competitive does not mean that you throw temper tantrums, argue calls or trash talk an opponent. Those things aren’t anything near being competitive...they just show a lack of character. There are plenty of recreational athletes out there that defend their inexcusable actions as "being competitive" when it is nothing more than just being a spoiled brat who has zero sportsmanship.
I would not describe myself as brutally honest. I believe that some things are better left unsaid. Besides, many of the people I have known that describe themselves as "brutally honest" have a very hard time with someone being "brutally honest" with them.
I work hard but I wouldn’t say I "party hard" because the people who use that term are usually talking about booze and even though I like having a couple drinks when I am out I don’t have time for a drunk. I don’t smoke or do drugs.
I like seeing old people hold hands, going fishing with my dad, slamming on my brakes for squirrels, salsa dancing, my family, my friends, the Chicago Bears, the Chicago Cubs, Belgian chocolate, the Three Stooges, and mosh pits. I think video games are stupid, I’ve never been golfing and I think Nascar is lame. That being said, I’m not one to criticize what anyone chooses to do with their time. Other things I don't like - political correctness (which is nothing more than the denial of a reality that is uncomfortable), intentional grounding, text messaging, people who keep talking while I am trying to interrupt, the flip-flop rule in softball, fantasy football, that song "Hit me with your best shot" by Pat Benatar, celebrity gossip, entitlement mentalities, humidity, left lane drivers, condescending people, poker, triathlons, complainers, women who think that dressing and acting like a slut empowers them, high maintenance people and people who only associate with people they think can do something for them (I'm very observant and one of the ways I judge people is by how they treat people who can't do anything for them).
I have lots of fun with my hobbies and I tend to come and go as I please. I keep drama and stress to a minimum.
Regarding money, I spend some and I save some. Money is great but not if I have to dig in the mines sun up to sun down to get it. I am able to have fun in the moment but I also look down the road as well with regards to finances. The only debt I have is my mortgage and I view the lottery as a tax on people who are bad at math.
I have learned to define myself by my own terms, not those of other people, co-workers, magazine cover people, MTV or anyone else. If you know yourself and what you really enjoy doing, then do that.
There is no situation you will ever encounter where losing your temper will make it better.
I’m a big fan of honest communication. If you are unclear what someone is thinking/feeling, ask them. Communication has a way of bringing people closer by clarifying intent, beliefs and feelings. It can also have the opposite effect as well. Communication is really the only resolution we have since humans are not telepathic. Turn "what if" into "what is".
The way I see it, life is a series of checks and balances. If only you knew back then what you know now...you'd know too much and you'd learn very little and life would be awfully boring. Well, there's a reason for it. We all must make the mistakes for ourselves before we really truly learn and it is good to make those mistakes early than later.
I don’t worry about things because worrying is a waste of time. Worrying about some situation won’t change the outcome.
If you catch someone consistently talking bad about the people around them, including their friends and family, begin listening very carefully because 90% of what they're saying is actually describing themselves.
I am not a materialistic person at all. It’s my opinion that lots of people are desperate to try to cover up their emotional nakedness with stuff. They believe that more stuff leads to better self-esteem. They believe that people are actually impressed by the stuff they show off and they hope that if they show off enough stuff, somebody will actually come along and "love" them for it and they will "fit in" (whatever that entails). The more somebody engages in an extremely materialistic lifestyle, the more they commit their identity to it and it becomes that much harder for them to find the courage or fortitude to ever change that lifestyle no matter how much it fails them because making money is not the same as having money. Many people spend so much time and money trying to appear wealthy that they are damaging (or destroying) their prospects of actually becoming wealthy.
A whole lot of advice that is given out there is intended to benefit the person giving you the advice, not you the recipient. Know that few people have your best interests at heart. Your mother and father probably do. Your siblings are on your side. Everybody else worries about themselves for the most part.
I don't use strategies like "The Game" or "The Rules" when it comes to dating. IMO, strategies like that are designed to give other people the impression that you have a life. I know through experience that if a woman really doesn't like me, waiting 3 days to call her back isn't going to make her like me. I also know that if she does like me, waiting 3 days to call her back would be considered rude in my book. I know that if you have activities you like doing and friends to hang out with while doing them, you are likely to meet other people who are into the same things that you are. If I’m interested in someone they will know it because I believe that many women know very early on if they are interested in someone, many times within the first 5 minutes of talking to a guy.
One of my main passions now is travel. Travel should change people in some capacity. Down to its most basic principle, the very act of leaving one's own home/neighborhood/city requires a certain exertion of efforts and appreciation of others. Traveling to Europe has made me understand that all the b.s. that we think is so essential to our "happiness" here at home: eating too much, drinking too much, having all the very latest gear, being seen as fashionable in all the right places, is really a trap keeping many people narrow-minded simpletons. Traveling has made me see that being free to experience the whole world, instead of just my little slice of it here in Minneapolis, has given me a much broader understanding of the world.
I like the fact that English is not spoken everywhere. There are many people who are willing to use sign language, phrase books and pen and paper to communicate with others. In some areas of rural China, Mandarin is a second language and everything is written in characters. I like that fact that that the French still speak French and the Italians still speak Italian. I like the fact that the pastries in Turkey aren't like the pastries in Austria. I challenge myself by making an effort to get off the beaten path and struggle with the language in a town that sees very few tourists instead of fighting the crowds in somewhere like over-visited London or Vegas. I also prefer to travel by myself. Travel makes one lose their sense of entitlement as I don't feel like I am doing a small town a favor by visiting it. I fully realize that an English-speaking railway clerk in Hungary is a bonus, not a right. The USA gets nearly 4 million visitors a year from Japan, but how many Amtrak clerks do you think speak Japanese?
Far too many people can’t imagine heading to Europe or South America for a couple weeks as I tend to do because they are such slaves to their possessions. They’ve built a cage around themselves of debt, material goods, and jobs they can’t afford to step off of even for a week. Staying at home surrounded by your increasing pile of stuff is no way to live. So many people are so incredibly self-indulgent and never venture beyond the little comfort zones they have built around themselves. Travel is freedom. It’s recess, and we need recess.
In my time as being an adult I have come to realize that people will do as they wish whether you approve of it or not and that no one can live someone elses life nor influence it in ways that are not completely endorsed by the person in question. I don’t know if this attitude can be defined as complete indifference toward friends and family but I have noticed that there isn’t a whole lot anyone can do to change someone else.
I believe that people should be allowed to make bad decisions in life. When a friend asks for my opinion of a situation (the operative word here is "ask"), I would feel compelled to tell them my truth. But under no circumstances would I expect them to take my advice. Some people must experience life through their own lens. If that means, for example, getting tied down to someone who is lazy, inconsiderate, or stupid, that is a lesson that they must learn themselves or they are doomed to repeat it again and again. If they were to continue to repeat their mistakes, I would have to wonder about their ability to make good decisions, but it would have absolutely nothing to do with me. I can't suffer with or truly understand someone elses home-generated problems and the consequences that are derived from them.
I think as people get older they develop more self respect, which means people who don't give you the attention and proper treatment you deserve can just get out of your life. They are just dead wood, dragging you down. There’s nothing wrong with that attitude.
