TheBern profile picture

TheBern

And then I woke up and it was all just a dream...(look mum no glands)

About Me

Further mumblings from the back of beyond or how I grew up and learned to dribble.
I am a slip of a lad... the lad being father and the slip being me...

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WELL WRONG ..

My Interests

Music
Comedy
Laughing
Painting
Drawing
latex
rubber
50's fashion
chips
reading
Reading (the town)
Reading Festival (the rock festival)
The reading festival (the annual book fair in Dunny-on-the- Wold)
reddybrek (like porridge and makes you glow)
the colour red
Being a West Ham fan I do not like Liverpool (the reds)
also I do not like pickled eggs or indeed anything pickled (except pickled onion monster munch)
Swan-downing in Upham
Swan-upping in Downham
whippers-in
whippers-out
stable boys
unstable boys
and ritz crackers I do Like
Peanut butter is cool the Fonz ain't
...and remember kids if you are going to set light to your head, don't set light to your head
as my old dad said to me 'always fight fire with fire' which is why he was thrown out of the fire brigade
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i have no interests...

I'd like to meet:

myself walking back from where I'm about to go.
she wants revenge

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Music:

Dresden Dolls
PJ Harvey
Cardiacs
Ridiculous
Siouxsie & the Banshees
Sonic Youth
the Cramps
Minty
Maximo Park
Muse
Sisters of Mercy
Fields of the Nephilim
Led Zeppelin
Bauhaus
Julian Cope
Radiohead
the Pixies
Brian Jonestown massacre
12 Rounds
Johnny Cash
We Are Plebb
Faith No More
Gaye Bykers on Acid
lesbian Dopeheads on mopeds
GOth,Industrial,techno,Trip-hop,hip-hop,break-beat,acid-hous e,happy-house,cheeezy,sleasy,grime,grunge,grebo,classical,pu nk,experimental,mental,lounge,big band,small band,rock,metal,death-metal,Eurovision,noize and shouting...Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Where's my ass-in my pants. where's my pants-on my head. where's my head - up my ass...

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Movies:

B-movies
horror movies
Me you and everyone we know
The Corporation
Some Like it Hot
any superhero film (except Catwoman)
don't bother watching coffee and cigarettes (it's shite)
Almodovar
Tim Burton
Tinto Brass
Accion Mutante

Television:

Nathan Barley
Green Wing
Mighty Boosh
Brass eye
Spaced
newsround
Harry Hill's tv burp
harry Hill's new kids show that has something to do with custard
my name is Earl (my name is not Earl, Neither is it the Bernard...or is it????)

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Books:

Geek Love - Katherine Dunn
Shadow Of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Grimus - Salman Rushdie
adults who read Harry Potter need shooting.

Heroes:

Harry Hill
Billy Bonds
Peter Parker
'illiteration is everything when choosing a hero' - Roy Race - Melchester Rovers.

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My Blog

This city needs some E

Still in LA. What is it with this city. Went to see another band last night, at the key club. Really good band, again no idea what they were called but this time they weren't from Wolverhampton and th...
Posted by TheBern on Thu, 21 Sep 2006 09:17:00 PST

what the hell am I doing?? drinking in LA

Check me out and my fancy London ways. Am currently eating into week two of a 'business' trip to LA. You know when johnny Depp thought he was so rock n roll with his lame ass impression of Keith Richa...
Posted by TheBern on Wed, 20 Sep 2006 06:29:00 PST

do cats shit in the garden???

Myself and snobby Jim were taking tea on the lawn this morning. I had a cup of earl grey and snobby Jim had some bits of carrot floating in a cup of tepid water drawn from the hot tap - snobby Jim hav...
Posted by TheBern on Thu, 27 Jul 2006 02:33:00 PST

poetry corner

a blind man a tall cliff a short walk a long drop
Posted by TheBern on Thu, 20 Jul 2006 05:16:00 PST

Bernie Norman - Film 06

Just saw Superman returns. I just wish he hadn't.
Posted by TheBern on Thu, 20 Jul 2006 04:07:00 PST

that has gotta hurt

this wekend I did a 100km walk - that's about 65 miles. Do my feet hurt? of course they fucking do.  
Posted by TheBern on Mon, 17 Jul 2006 11:43:00 PST

Can you Adam and Eve it.

Snobby Jim is right up himself. He was down the pub tonight with a particularly cock-sure expression that was neither complimentary or called for. I think it had something to do with his new cuban hee...
Posted by TheBern on Fri, 14 Jul 2006 05:02:00 PST

more fun than a greased up fat lass...

True or False???? Art Garfunkel had an Illicit affair with the mother of Paul Simon??? True apparently!! he even wrote a song about it - Mrs robinson. He was going to call it Mrs Simon but thought it ...
Posted by TheBern on Fri, 07 Jul 2006 03:24:00 PST

footballers in adverts, Robbie Williams and the insufferable shite of it all

World cup fever has everyone in it's grip (well most men in Europe and South America anyway). Cue a football slant on every advert on telly. There was a time when footballers only made adverts after t...
Posted by TheBern on Thu, 29 Jun 2006 05:29:00 PST

Did I really agree to this??

You know sometimes you wake up after a heavy night and think - Jeesus!!! did I really agree to that? That's me. After a particularly drunken night I've somehow been coerced into doing a 100km walk. 10...
Posted by TheBern on Sun, 28 May 2006 06:06:00 PST