Born and raised in the buckle of the bible belt, I immediately ran from all things religion, sports, or banjo related.
Most of my childhood was spent watching my parents have "hallway sex" . After their divorce, I lived with my mother and sister, where I was essentially raised by women. It was there that I was introduced to the female perspective, which included the fact that because I had a penis, I was evil.
It was during this time that I suspect they were giving me estrogen injections, because I found myself reduced to a shell of a man. I had become the "nice guy" who refused to take advantage of drunk girls, girls with boyfriends, or even slutty girls. Somehow they had me actually convinced that I was "above" sleeping with slutty girls, can you imagine the horror? It was then that I decided to dedicate my life to the construction of a time traveling device.
Built not for the benefit of science nor mankind, this time machine was created for the specific purpose of going back in time to correct the outcome of all the sexual exploits that were squandered while I was "under the influence" of this cult of disgruntled women and their estrogen Kool-Aid.
Some may take offense that I am not using my device for the benefit of mankind, and to that I can only attempt to comfort you with this insightful quote: "Suck It!". It seems that for once, mankind will just have to "take one for the team". And of course by "team", I mean my penis.
