Jessica was counted on as gang matriarch ...........
Giving up the streets
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If I could catch a rainbow I would do it just for you and share with you its beauty On the days you're feeling blue. If I could build a mountain You could call your very own; A place to find serenity, A place to be alone. If I could take your troubles I would toss them in the sea, But all these things I'm finding are impossible for me. I cannot build a mountain Or catch a rainbow fair, But let me be what I know best, A friend who's always there
TRENTON -- Standing in a pool of her lover’s blood, Jessica Maldonado knew that her life as a gang member on the streets of Trenton would never be the same.She stood where her baby’s father was gunned down and wept quietly, too tough to let the world see her tears.That was over a year ago.Today, Jessica’s soft, round face and almond-shaped eyes show more than the pain of lost love.But, even now, as she attempts to leave her gang life with the Bloods behind, it continues to haunt her.That haunting includes being shot at six times last Saturday as she drove down Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard.And even though the threats are always there, she is determined to make a change.The 26-year-old has lived a thousand lifetimes to come out on the other end.Maldonado has witnessed murder and bloody gang rituals. She’s watched enemies die alone on cold street corners and fellow Bloods members murder their own.A Trenton native of Puerto Rican decent, Jessica says she is a boy in a girl’s body and joined the gang for unknown reasons.She has been threatened, choked, beaten, stabbed, shot at, humiliated and nearly raped.In joining, Jessica said she has given the streets the best years of her life, all the while stealing from her people, lying to her family and disrespecting her father, whose funeral she did not attend in July 1998.About 17,000 gang members call the Garden State home, according to a state police 2005 survey. Of that, the capital city is estimated to have about 1,500 gang members, most of which are Bloods, and 10 percent of that number represents their female makeup.Sociological literature links the reason why teenagers join gangs to a "power vacuum," which is created within a community, said Doug McDowell, an adjunct professor specializing in youth deviance and crime at The College of New Jersey."If you live in a neighborhood where the adult structure doesn’t exist or is very weak, there’s a vacuum and young people kind of fill that in with their own social structure," McDowell said. "(Living) in a neighborhood where the adult social structure has been decimated by imprisoning the males or by not having jobs or opportunities, there’s certainly a power vacuum and someone’s going to step in and take control of that."Jessica said to be in a gang you must drop everything for your homies. Even if you are in a hospital room with your biological family, she said, your gang comes first. And death becomes your best friend, "a constant companion."James E. Shaw, a California-based gang expert who is writing a book about how America is being destroyed by gangs, said the classic gang model is built on a father surrogate, according to a Sigmund Freud paper."These kids want someone to tell them what to do, they want somebody to think for them and they love taking orders ..the gang kid seldom argues, because there are harsh, swift consequences," he said. "And the shot caller, be they male or female, is fulfilling the mom, dad role."Two small mounds of white, blue and pink stones are the only things Jessica has left to remember her two babies. They both died in her arms and now lay peacefully in Our Lady of Lourdes Cemetery on Cedar Lane."I go to see them on their birthdays sometimes," Maldonado said about her son, Solomon who died of Spina Bifida in August 1997, and daughter, Eternity who weighed a pound and two ounces at birth, who died in August 2000. "It’s just hard ‘cause it brings it all back. It’s not like you’re going there to pick them up."Jessica later had another baby girl with Jason Gilchrist, also known as Crazy J, and named her Patience.Crazy J was shot five times, with four bullets going into his back, on North Broad Street in Philadelphia, Pa., on April 28 as he was shopping for rims at Perzan’s Speed Shop. He was pronounced dead 21 minutes later at Temple University Hospital.In the moment when he left her life, her world was forever changed."I want him to be here, but once you’re dead, you’re gone" Jessica said. "Your soul lives on but you don’t come back. You have to go on living your life."When it rains, though, he seems to return to visit his daughter, Jessica said.Patience "Coco" routinely watches out a window to listen to the thunder which is her dad, a motorcycle aficionado, revving up his engine and the rain which are his tears as he cries from heaven because he can’t ride his bike up there.Friends and family said Crazy J knew his killer. The man who pulled the trigger and shot him in the back was believed to be a fellow Bloods member.In the months that followed, Jessica felt like she couldn’t trust anyone and stayed in hotels everywhere between Elizabeth and Delaware. Sometimes prescription pills would dull her pain and anguish, as she thought about taking her own life.Someone almost did it for her when she was stabbed on June 13.She said she was fixing a bike on Dickinson Street, when a girl smacked her with a broken broom stick and then stuck a knife in her arm.It was Crazy J’s death, however, that produced a new and clear vision for Jessica.In July, she moved out of the city for a home in Pennsylvania. She said she didn’t want to end up in a cemetery like her babies.Maldonado was ready to retire."How long can I do a kids game," she wrote in her journal. "I’m not Peter Pan or Tinker Bell. I got to grow up."Jessica has taken steps to change her life for the better.She started taking classes to get her high school diploma and wants to get her bachelor’s degree in business administration. Graduation is next month.Her mother wants to buy her a house, but she refuses. "I don’t want her to," Jessica said. "I want to do it on my own. I have two daughters, one I haven’t been there for more than a year of her life, and it’s time to do things right."Some days, she can close her eyes and she’s still standing on North Broad Street breathing in Crazy J’s air. But she no longer stands in that same place.Getting out of a gang isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible, either, said Detective Sgt. Ronnie Hampton, a member of the New Jersey State Police’s street gang unit."The facts are gang members leave everyday," he said. "Their fellow gang members aren’t concerned ..they’re too busy recruiting new ones to worry about the ones that left. If you want out, you have no excuse."With support, it doesn’t matter how many tattoos you have, it’s all about your mentality. It’s up to the individual person."Maldonado has made a decision and taken her first steps toward freedom.Now, she plans on getting a new tattoo scrolled on her upper arm: "Patience is a virtue & Eternity is forever."Jessica rides for the women in her life."In my heart I want peace," she said. "I have kids to live for."©The Trentonian 2006 TRENTON - Yesterday, Jessica Maldonado gave a Mother’s Day card to her mom, Lucy Rivera, who raises Jessica’s two daughters, Yadessa Fowler, 7, and Patience, 3.Jessica gives her mom a card every Father’s Day, too."She is my only friend," Jessica said.Ironically, Jessica played the role of a mother in a Trenton gang until recently, when she decided to give up the street life.In the gangs, the relatively small number of females are the matriarchs - the threads that hold the fabric of a criminal organization together.Jessica was brought in when a Trenton Bloods gang set needed a First Lady.She was cruising down Walnut Avenue when she spotted some friends she hadn’t seen in a while in September of 2004. They told her they had served some jail time and joined the Bloods - a West Coast street gang that was nationally known but still just up and coming in Trenton at the time.The boys said they were looking for members and needed a First Lady, the first female addition of the group, for their Pasadena Denver Lane set.She jumped at the chance."Before I joined, it wasn’t that deep," said Jessica of their membership which eventually grew to over 200. "They told me all the good parts. They didn’t tell me about the bad parts until after I got in."As a First Lady, Jessica held birthday parties, oversaw meetings, made sure members were bailed out or arrived for a court date on time and even ushered some to a clinic for an STD testing.After her first set went defunct she became sergeant of Tree Top Piru -- Political Intellectual Radical Unit - and later lieutenant and First Lady of P-Stone Piru, another Bloods set.When the "super" gangs - the Bloods, the Crips, the Latin Kings -- first moved from the west into the city, absorbing small neighborhood cliques, they recruited young people in the 10 to 18 age bracket, said Detective Sgt. Ronnie Hampton, a member of the New Jersey State Police’s street gang unit.To an adolescent, who naturally questions authority, they may see status, popularity and respect can be gained from joining a gang, he said."We need to put alternatives out there for kids, so they can see the unattractive side of gangs," Hampton said. "To show them this is not the right thing to do ..You are basically living in fear for the rest of your life."Yeah, this looks glorious and you’re going to wear red or blue. They will profess to be your family, but they may be the same people who could take you out tomorrow."In New Jersey, Hampton said the Bloods and Latin Kings recruit the most females."The one question I should’ve asked before joining," Jessica wrote in a journal entry, "was if after I join the gang and I determine that the experiences and activities are not in good standards with my present values and beliefs, can I resign or withdrawal from the gang and its negative activities?"The answer is, yes, she can get out, but it’s not easy.It’s now clear to her, though, that the gang mentality is not what she’s all about."I would take the shirt off my back for anyone, that’s just the way I am," she said. "If you’re hungry and I have a plate of food in front of me, I’m going to feed you before I feed myself."©The Trentonian 2006Why do gangs exist? Why would people wanna be in a gang? Why do gangs kill over a certain color or race? What does bein in a gang accomplish besides death and destruction? Gangs exist cause people want to belong, people think they will get tons of money, they think totin pistols, knives, and any other type of weapon is cool. They watch movies like scarface, Bullet, and various other gangster movies and think it would be cool to be like them. Or they read articles and see movies on Stanley Williams, John Gotti, Raymond Lee Washington and think there way of life is more glorious and excitin then theres. People wanna be in a gang for the money. They sell drugs, and think they are gonna get thousands of dollars. That may be true, but they dont think of the consequence of their actions. They dont factor in the risk of sellin drugs, you could get shot, robbed, arrested, or various other things may follow. They also believe they will make more friends, which is very true. Thing is you make just as much new enemies if not more. And those enemies arent like little junior high kids that hate you. They will beat you, rob you, kill you, kill your friends and family. Gangs kill over a certain color for one reason, NONE! They kill over it cause the people who founded the gang didnt like another one. They have nothin against them except that they were taught to hate em. No reason at all, so basically there murderin people over shit that happened 20 yrs ago. Take Boods and Crips for example, half of the members werent even before when the beef started. They only know what they were told or read. So they have no reason in the world to start shit with them. The only thing bein in a gang accomplishes is, everythin that ive mentioned above, literally death and destruction. I admit little benefits here and there, but none that are worth it. I personally know Bloods and some other gangs, and ive talked to people, and the next day found out they were killed. Why anybody wants a life like this, or think its their only option is a shock to me. Please express your opinion on this!
4 ThE LADiEz !!! ReAd iT cAReFuLLY Current mood: CHILLENIF A MAN WANTS YOU, NOTHING CAN KEEP HIM AWAY. IF HE DOESNT WANT YOU, NOTHING CAN MAKE HIM STAY. STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR A MAN AND HIS BEHAVIOR. ALLOW YOUR INTUITION TO SAVE YOU FROM HEARTACHE. STOP TRYING TO CHANGE YOURSELF FOR A RELATIONSHIP THAT'S NOT MEANT TO BE...SLOWER IS BETTER. NEVER LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR A MAN BEFORE YOU FIND WHAT TRULY MAKES YOU HAPPY. IF A RELATIONSHIP ENDS BECAUSE THE MAN WAS NOT TREATING YOU AS YOU DESERVE THEN HELL NO, YOU CANT "BE FRIENDS"!! A FRIEND WOULDNT MISTREAT A FRIEND. DONT SETTLE...IF YOU FEEL LIKE HE IS STRINGING YOU ALONG, THEN HE PROBABLY IS. DONT STAY BECAUSE YOU THINK "IT WILL GET BETTER". YOU'LL BE MAD AT YOURSELF A YEAR LATER FOR STAYING WHEN THINGS ARE NOT BETTER. THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN CONTROL IN A RELATIONSHIP IS YOU. AVOID MEN WHO'VE GOT A BUNCH OF CHILDREN BY A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT WOMEN. HE DIDN'T MARRY THEM WHEN HE GOT THEM PREGNANT...WHY WOULD HE TREAT YOU DIFFERENTLY?? ...ALWAYS HAVE YOUR OWN SET OF FRIENDS SEPARATE FROM HIS. MAINTAIN BOUNDARIES IN HOW A GUY TREATS YOU...IF SOMETHING BOTHERS YOU--SPEAK UP!! NEVER-EVER LET A MAN KNOW EVERYTHING...HE WILL USE IT AGAINST YOU LATER. YOU CANNOT CHANGE A MAN'S BEHAVIOR--CHANGE COMES FROM WITHIN. DON'T EVER MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE HE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU ARE-EVEN IF HE HAS A BETTER EDUCATION OR A BETTER JOB. HE IS A MAN...NOTHING MORE...NOTHING LESS. NEVER LET A MAN DEFINE WHO YOU ARE..AND NEVER BORROW SOMEONE ELSE'S MAN.. OOOOHHHH LORD!!!-IF HE CHEATED WITH YOU, HE'LL CHEAT ON YOU. A MAN WILL ONLY TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU ALLOW HIM TO TREAT YOU..ALL MEN ARE NOT DOGS THO... YOU SHOULD NOT BE THE ONE DOIN THE BENDING--COMPROMISE IS A TWO WAY STREET. YOU NEED TIME TO HEAL BETWEEN RELATIONSHIPS...THERE IS NOTHING CUTE ABOUT BAGGAGE...DEAL WITH YOUR ISSUES BEFORE STARTING A NEW RELATIONSHIP. YOU SHOULD NEVER LOOK FOR SOMEONE TO "COMPLETE" YOU..A RELATIONSHIP CONSISTS OF TWO WHOLE INDIVIDUALS...LOOK FOR SOMEONE WHO COMPLIMENTS YOU--NOT SUPPLEMENTS YOU.. DATING IS FUN...EVEN IF HE DOESN'T TURN OUT TO BE "MR.RIGHT"...MAKE HIM MISS YOU SOMETIMES...WHEN A MAN ALWAYS KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE AND YOU'RE ALWAYS READILY AVAILABLE TO HIM--HE TAKES YOU FOR GRANTED--DONT FULLY COMMIT TO A MAN WHO DOESNT GIVE YOU EVERYTHING- PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY- AND LAST OF ALL--KEEP HIM IN YOUR "RADAR"...BUT GET TO KNOW OTHERS...
One morning you will never wake up, do all your friends know you love them? I was thinking...I could die today, tomorrow or next week, and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed rekindling or three words needing to be said. Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think they don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do.
And just in case GOD calls me home before I see you again......... width="425" height="350" .... width="425" height="350" ..
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I got your back
You got mine,
I'll help you out
Anytime!
To see you hurt
To see you cry
Makes me weep
And wanna die
And if you agree
To never fight
It wouldn't matter
Whos wrong or right
If a broken heart
Needs a mend
I'll be right there
Till the end
If your cheeks are wet
From drops of tears
Don't worry
Let go of your fears
Hand in hand
Love is sent,
We'll be friends
Till the end
FOR MY BABY DEBO:When I think of what I've done all the pain I have brung Baby you should have walked out on me When I turned away from you when ever there were hard times How could you still be with me? And it was no mistake when I hurt you that day And said things that should'nt been said, But still you forgave me like it was so easy I should have been mad at youBaby it breaks my heart to think that loving me is not easy to do And I don't mean to make it hard, sorry for all the changes I put you through And its hard to believe that after everything that you were still right beside me Wouldn't change you for this whole world thankful just being your girlNever gave you my heart cuz I never thought you deserved any of me And never told you how I felt, when deep inside I knew that your really what I need And I always gave you up whenever I thought something better come along And right when I come back your waiting for me and you welcome me homeBaby it breaks my heart to think that loving me is not easy to do And I don't mean to make it hard, sorry for all the changes I put you throughAnd its hard to believe that after everything that you were still right beside me Wouldn't change you for this whole world thankful just being your girlAnd if it takes my whole life I'll make it up to you Cuz I been so cruel, and you given your love to me in spite of everything I don't deserve you, from this day forward Im truly yours It took me a while to see that we were meant for one another Thank you for loving meBaby it breaks my heart to think that loving me is not easy to do And I don't mean to make it hard, sorry for all the changes I put you thRU And its hard to believe that after everything that you were still right beside me Wouldn't change you for this whole world, thankful just being your girl!!!